Song Parodies -> "This Ain't ELP"

Original Song Title:

"That's the Way It Is"

Original Performer:

"This Ain't ELP"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

In 1978, the progressive rock trio Emerson, Lake and Palmer released what would be their last studio album for eight years. That album was Love Beach, and it sounded nothing like ELP should, at least not on the A-side. Instead, they recorded five pop rock-style songs in a futile attempt to crack the Top 40, although the final two tracks, "Canario" and the side-length "Memoirs of an Officer and a Gentleman," were decent cuts on an otherwise godawful album. That wasn't the worst part, however. That dishonour belonged to the cover of the LP, which depicted drummer Carl Palmer with his shirt partially open, bassist Greg Lake with his shirt mostly open and keyboard virtuoso Keith Emerson with his shirt all the way open. All three had been spray-tanned and were wearing disco medallions. Palmer justly compared the cover to that of a Bee Gees album; and the first time I saw the album cover, I couldn't help but laugh. Now, about a year later, I decided to write a parody of one of Celine Dion's biggest hits in order to deal with this musical blasphemy. Don't get me wrong--I love ELP with a passion. However, not a day has gone by that I laugh in my mind at Love Beach. This is my 98th parody and second of Celine Dion.

(The setting: November 1978, at the height of the disco craze. The premise: A young man has entered a record store and is looking at the latest rock albums when the latest ELP release, Love Beach, catches his eye. As he pores over the album and its Bee Gees-esque cover, he finds himself singing a song...)

Stanza I.
I have been a fan for eight years of this act,
But this caught me by surprise.
Why'd they choose to pose like the Bee Gees, in fact,
So that I can't believe my eyes?
Please don't tell me they have sold out
To the disco scene!

Refrain I.
Where is "Tarkus" or "Pirates" or "Karn Evil 9"
When they pose with their shirts open to their waistlines?
Nowhere as I'm concerned because they look wholly godawful;
This can't be ELP.

Stanza II.
"All I Want Is You" starts my prohibition;
It really makes me scream
For the days of Pictures at an Exhibition
When ELP made me dream
Of playing keyboards, the drums or bass
Rather than this crap.

Refrain II.
Where is "Hoedown" or "Fanfare for the Common Man"
When all three of the band have been greatly spray-tanned,
Wearing medallions just like good old John Travolta?
Well, this ain't ELP.

Bridge.
When I get back home, I'll call up Steve Dahl
And tell him to take this LP
And drag the needle across the surface
On radio or on TV.

Refrain III.
After he drags the pin, we will have a promotion
At the home of the Sox, where we'll get a commotion
To blow up this BS, along with many disco records
'Cos this ain't ELP.
We might save ELP from contract obligations;
Because of Atlantic, they're an abomination.
They could bring their LPs, but they should make this first and foremost
'Cos this ain't ELP.

Tag.
Don't let anyone hear what this LP has to offer
'Cos it ain't ELP.

Allmusic said in their review: "A record that ELP released only because they owed it to their original label, and that's all one needs to know."

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