Someday my wealth'll be enormous,
But am I wealthy? Well, no
These days you don't really need it,
Thanks to this troubled globe

'Can't Wait to feed the hungry children,
Can't Wait to bring good from bad'
If you believe what I'm sayin'
Then I ain't doin' too bad

Chorus-
I run a crooked charity
It's adios to honesty
You' can act just like a schmoe
People send you dough
Just cause your on TV.
My website gets a thousand hits
So I can buy my girlfriend her outfits
It really is a shame
The way I play the game
And the money that I leave with
In my crooked charity
uh huh

I get exposed by Barbara Walters,
On how I make my pay
They'd sentence me to county prison
For all the state laws I break

I might appear in infomercials,
Show all the awful stuff
But the more I show the third world,
The more my profit goes up

Chorus-
I run a crooked charity
It's adios to honesty
Nobody really knows,
People send you dough,
Just cause you're on TV.
I can buy any car I love,
And stay in different condos every month.
Your dough goes down the drain
I spent it on my plane
I swear, it's just so tough
Runnin' a crooked charity

So let's close down our office and head out west
To the land of fun in the sun
We'll be third world ambassadors
Saintly millionaires
Hey, Hey, bleeding hearts
Here we come!

Chorus-
Yeah, with a crooked charity
It's adios to honesty
You can act just like an ass,
People send you cash,
Just cause you're on t.v.
...With a crooked charity
...Yeah, a charity
...uh-huh
"Where's my money!?"