You can tell my ma, "be careful at the spa,
Use caution where you walk if you're alone."
You can tell my dad, "with that bum knee that you have,
Just don't fall on it and lie on the ground, prone."

'Cause that friggin' HMO, they don't want to know,
They'll hold up all your forms and treat you slow
When anyone is sick, they have a clever trick--
I think they make the rules up as they go.

So please don't slip
On your achy breaky hip
Insurance will not pay you if you're ill
And please stand tall
(When the) medic comes to call
You can't afford him anyway, that's all.

If you have disease, your doctor won't be pleased,
The nurse will give you shots, send you away,
And if you break a bone, a cast will keep you home,
Good luck figuring out how you will pay.

Or if you break your neck, fall down and hit the deck,
Your forehead bleeds, the blood it flows away,
The doc says "stay right there, I'll check with medicare...
I'm sorry but we can't treat you today."

So please don't slip
On your achy breaky hip
Insurance will not pay you if you're ill
And please stand tall
(When the) medic comes to call
You can't afford him anyway, that's all.

(repeat & fade to flatline sound effect...)