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Song Parodies -> "Read My Lips"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Parody Song Title:

"Read My Lips"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

They quoted Bush Sr. on the radio this morning - and the way he said "Read my lips" seemed to fit this song perfectly. But this isn't specifically a Bush-basher, more a sort of general-purpose election-rally speech for any up-and-coming politician...
My dear voters, it is with deepest pride
and greatest pleasure that I stand before you tonight.
And now I invite to to relax, pull up a chair
As your candidate proudly presents
His election manifesto!

Read my lips! Read my lips!
As you try and get to grips
With my new non-taxing policy
All others to eclipse
We'll tax less
And spend more
Why, that's what you're voting for
I will rule to sheer perfection
If you hand me the election
My appeal I'll enhance
Making sidelong digs at France
With great big piles of francophobic quips
And so I ask: take note
Of just which way to vote, so
Read my lips
See my lips
Read my lips

Throw them out
They should be
In the bin of history
They're no good and so you should
Not vote for them - no, vote for ME!
You're unsure,
But my budget's all prepared
And you'll all be doing capers
When these figures hit the papers
It's no joke, nor a trick
No, I'm not a lunatic
And I've never been found out
In cuffs and whips
Come on and lift your glass
And whup that loser's ass
So read my lips
He's the drips
And he always flops and flips
Read my lips! Read my lips! Read my lips!

Read my lips! Read my lips!
I work the speed of microchips
Let's just say I earn my pay
And work all day - and that in MIPS
You do this! You do that!
I'll tell you when to look a prat
And I always work through dinner
Yes, I'm hardly a beginner
It will be so well-run
When I've only just begun
How could you doubt my competence outstrips
That old, pathetic man?
No, vote for one who can
So, read my lips!
Read my lips!
Read my lips!

Read his lips! Read his lips!
Through opponents, well, he rips
He'll be good, we know he would
But if he's not - he's had his chips!
He's not some "Sonny Jim"
Sure, the country's safe with him
Though we might just get the feeling
Ain't above some wheeler-dealing
He looks good, he looks hot
And we like this guy a lot
Let's go out and tell the world that he's the pips!
We've got a lot to do!
To tell the world 'bout you
To read your lips
Read his lips!
Read his lips!
Read his lips!

There's nothing less endearing
Than election 'lectioneering
On ladies and babies heads to plant a kiss...
Seem like good ol' boys before the camera
Hate to think those good ol' boys remiss
For months they go campaigning
Obfuscating, not explaining
Just ad hominem attacks with no real skill
Most days they just preach to the converted
Flabby, fat and lazy
But I'm here - they're going crazy

Read my lips! Read my lips!
They'll desert their sinking ships
And in a flood they'll leave that dud
At least if they stick to my scripts
I'm the one you should choose
Yes believe me, I can't lose
Now my bandwagon is rolling
It's all over, bar the polling
Vote by vote, one by one
'Til I shout, "Yippee! I've won!"
You must heed the very best election tips
And I know you've picked a
Best man as the victor
Read my lips!
Read my lips!
Read my lips!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 34

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   2
 5   30

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Claude Prez - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Sweet Indigo - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
You get my vote :D Read my lips! All fives!
Phil Alexander - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks :-)
Claude- I kind of thought you'd like this one (and it's such a fun song to parody, isn't it?)
Johnny D - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Worthy of Gilbert And Sullivan! 5's
Know 1 can hear you dream - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Wasn't it Hillary Clinton who said "Read my lips, no more Bush"?
John Barry - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Very impressive!
John Jenkins - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
A very good parody/indictment of all politicians - some of it applies more to Bush and some more to Kerry, but all of it applies to most office seekers. And I agree with the implication that there is a difference between being a good campaigner and a good office holder.
Phil Alexander - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
It's a problem with democracy, JJ, that the people who get elected are the ones who are best at campaigning, not necessarily the people who will do the best job (let me put it this way: are Bush and Kerry really the most competent people in all the US at running a country?)
Peter - was she speaking to Bill at the time?
Bob Gomez - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
I suppose it might have been Monica....? Great song, Phil. d;:^)
2nz - September 25, 2004 - Report this comment
Not to simply echo Claude, but OUTSTANDING! AMAZING! BRAVISIMO! You remind me how much I want to parody this song, Phil.
Ingeborg S. Nordén - September 25, 2004 - Report this comment
You've certainly got a straight-ticket 5's vote from me, Phil--well-paced, well-rhymed, good allusions to the original, and funny allusions to both contenders in the race.
Adagio - October 04, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM Really good one!
Guy - October 06, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM - Read my fives.
Rick D - October 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Why aren't you voting over here?
Arwen - October 08, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--Generally don't get into the political stuff, Phil...but I love Love LOVE "Beauty and the Beast", buddy. 5s... - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Wowza. I read your comment elsewhere about getting an idea and just sitting down and hammering it out quickly. Please don't tell me that you wrote this one in 15 minutes, or I'll probably burst into envious tears. Fun rhymes throughout.

Question: If you call someone a but whole, would that be considered ad homonym?
Phil Alexander - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I can't remember how long this took to write- the closest I can say is that it was 1hr 20mins elapsed time from downloading lyrics to completion (but I had other things to do in the meantime, so I'm not sure exactly how long it took in the writing, if you see what I mean)

And "ad homonym"... LOL! Are you going to write a parody using it, or shall I?
Agrimorfee - October 11, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Isn't ad homonym the effect of 2 commercials saying basically the same thing but advertising different products? Never mind...Good song.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - October 13, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Splendid rhyming, except you missed 'swivelling hips'. 5s
Steven Cavanagh - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
This song is sooo much fun to do. Top stuff.
Know 1 can hear you dream - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM): If writing a general-purpose election parody was your aim I'd say you nailed it from the beginning here. As far as a three line description of democrazy goes it can't be more precise than:
We'll tax less
And spend more
Why, that's what you're voting for
Phil Alexander - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, call me a jaded ol' cynic, Peter... and you'd probably be right ;-)
Melhi - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM -- Wow! Great job, Phil!
Claude Prez - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Peter quoted the exact lines I was going to, dammit. This gets better every time I read it.
Phil Alexander - October 16, 2004 - Report this comment
...and I couldn't resist doing this song just one more time, Claude (I just hope it gets past the censor ;-) ). Thanks.
Paul Robinson - October 17, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Phil - even though I "DKTOS" on the original I gave you "5's" across because I love this one. Wonderful job here...
martha - October 19, 2004 - Report this comment
fabulous Phil gets my vote for SOTM top song!! btw I didn't realise that politicians ran the country .. I thought they were PR consultants for the banks.....
Johnny D - October 27, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Still worthy of G & S !
Peregrin - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Worthy of Gilbert O'Sullivan, what's more!
Phil Alexander - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Pippin... is that supposed to be a compliment?

Meriadoc - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A hilarious commentary on campaigning. Good job, Phil!
SEPTEMBER 2004 SONG OF THE MONTH BRONZE MEDAL - November 01, 2004 - Report this comment;topic=3009.0;id=2088;image - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Still love it, Philbo. And I just saw your (and Aggro's) "ad homonym" comments. Heh heh. My writers haven't used it yet, so, um, Be Our Guest.
John Jenkins - February 13, 2005 - Report this comment
This applies to a lot of politicians with excellent word play and great lines like "election 'lectioneering."
2nz - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Still excellently executed, Phil. I still really wanna parody this song.
Phil Alexander - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
You should, 2nz - it's a great one to parody. One tip, though: you need an idea that you can express several different ways, as there's a lot of words to get through. Howsabout: "The US" - that'd work fairly well, methinks, from whichever angle you care to write it.
2nz - March 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Feel free to tackle that one from your current vantage point if you want, Phil. I appreciate it, but it doesn't flow well enough for me. I'll think of something eventually. (A while ago, I started on the beginning stages of writing a 'See your Chest' that related to video game characters in rpgs walking into houses that aren't theirs and just stealing the stuff from the treasure 'chests' of the townsfolk who live there. Couldn't carry the idea through the whole song, though.) Anyhow, take care, man. - June 14, 2006 - Report this comment
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Claude Prez - July 31, 2014 - Report this comment
Well, it wouldn't be Guestfest without the Phantistic Philbo, would it? I think he's done this one like ten times (each time he says it's probably the last). They're all great but I think this one is my fave. Such a fun song to parody.

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