-> "You've Been Blessed (An Ode to Cults)"
Original Song Title:
"Be Our Guest"
Parody Song Title:
"You've Been Blessed (An Ode to Cults)"
You've...been...blessed! You've been blessed!
Join our cult, and don't protest!
Say goodbye to heathen lifestyles
And you'll never be depressed!
Change your clothes, cut your hair,
Cultivate a manic stare,
Stand in airports, arms a-waving
So more sinners you'll be saving!
Read this book, yeah it's swell
Or else you will go to hell!
Come, we'll tattoo a big symbol on your breast!
Your new life will be pret-ty
Have int'rest? We're the best!
You've been blessed!
We have earned dubious fame
For our acts in the Lord's name
And we bound and gagged the people
Who believe it's just a game
If you think that we're nuts
And you listen to your gut
Then just kiss off your posterior
'Cause we're morally superior!
You'll live in shady dives
And you'll have a hundred wives!
(which is more than YOU'VE ever had, I'd've guessed!)
Come on and drink Kool-Aid, with "special stuff" it's made
So go be blessed!
Go, you pest! Make all of your sins confessed!
You've been blessed! You've been blessed! You've been blessed!
Once I was a sinner
In my life I was no winner
Lust I pursued–but yeah, I knew how to have fun
Ah, those bad old days when I was normal...
Boy, I'm glad those bad old days are done!
Ten years in my compound
To my extreme tenets I'm bound
Hope the FBI don't show up on my ranch!
Most days I'm just looking for new converts
Naive, young, and fresh-faced
Have 'em reborn here at my place!
You've been blessed! You've been blessed!
Now it's time to pass your test!
Chuck your bombs at dads and moms
And all the kiddies in their nest!
"Shalt not kill?" Why, that's bull!
Our mass graves are always full!
Says right HERE in Revelation
That God wants extermination!
Vandalize in disguise! Put a mask over your eyes!
If you tear down this church here, I'll be impressed!
We've got a lot to do, let's torch City Hall too!
Cause we are blessed! We are blessed!
We are blessed! We are blessed!
You've been blessed! Oh, what's next?
Seems some people are distressed!
It's some folks who call us jokes
With nonviolence they are obsessed
They will scream, wave their signs
But our name they won't malign!
Stupid people rant and rave
Our inn-o-cent souls we will save!
When you're bored!
And you shout, "OH PRAISE THE LORD!"
And we'll be deified above all the rest!
When I count to eleven
We'll shoot off to heaven!
Cause we're blessed!
We are blessed!
Screw the rest!
Your Vote & Comment Counts
The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they
appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to
leave a comment below about this parody.
|How Funny: ||4.8|
|Overall Rating: ||4.8|
|Total Votes: ||33|
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| || || || ||Pacing|| ||How Funny|| ||Overall Rating|
| ||1|| ||0||
| ||2|| ||1||
| ||3|| ||1||
| ||4|| ||6||
| ||5|| ||25||