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Song Parodies -> "Please Invest!"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Original Performer:

Beauty And The Beast

Parody Song Title:

"Please Invest!"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

Yup, another "must-do" OS crossed off the list. Right-click here to open mp3 of Original Song in a new window. "fair dinkum" is an Australian term for "honest."........and in the spirit of a performance, all the lines in brackets are privately-whispered "asides" to the audience
Please invest!
Please invest!
Acquiesce to this request
If you need me sir, I'll be your servant - you deserve the best
Buy some funds
Buy some shares
You'll become a millionaire!
I sold Paris to the Hiltons
from that king of junk, Mike Milken

Wealth he had
then lost half
but he's having the last laugh
and of all the laughs, the last one is the best
Go on give ME your income
I will BE fair dinkum!
Please invest,
Please invest!

Swedish crowns
British pounds
I have found are safe and sound
If the market's down you mustn't frown, it quickly turns around
If it's dead, and you're scared
Try instead to keep your head
Donald Trump just sat there waitin'
while the bankers saved his bacon

There's a man
in Milan
selling trans-atlantic spam
and a fastfood multi-national's impressed
You'll see each BUCK you - send - him
triple! (luck depending)
and I stress
your int'rests
he'll respect, it's manifest!
So invest!
Just invest!
Please invest!

Life's not so exciting
when the stupid rich aren't biting
when my argy-barge falls largely on deaf ears
Ah, I miss those hot-shots from the eighties...
All of them are doing twenty years
Now ALL are selfish misers
thanks to clued-up wealth advisers
who not only want, but READ, prospectus-es!
Most days I just play with my
blue pencil...

starting to go crazy
You walked in - and oops a daisy!

Please invest!
Please invest!
From your nest-egg let me wrest
bags of moolah, hallelujah!
You'll be blessed (my dear conquest)
What? the spill...
from that will...
means you're worth two hundred mill?
You're a multi-millionaire? (excuse me WHILE I punch the AIR!!)

I suggest
you divest
that war-chest to my bequest
for fiduci-ary tax-avoidance schemes
please sink your DENtures, new
into debentures, you
p'raps at best,
just a guess,
(will eradicate my debts...)

Read this text!
It suggests
this defector's in a mess
No he isn't from Nigeria! (he's slightly to the west)
To collect
just select
an account for a direct
transfer - I'll do it by email
but I'll need your banking details

I'll relay
your detai-ls to a mate
who is living under, Buch!...arest
You'll see each DIME you send him
multiply! (depending...
if Congress...

will accept...

his confess-


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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 36

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   0
 5   34

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Paree Dee - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Rollin' on the floor with this one! Stuart, it's a masterpiece ! I've always toyed with this song, but considered the undertaking way too monumental. Now I can put the urge to rest. Any chance you could do "Human Again" from B & the B ? I'd love to see you tackle that one !
John Barry - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Fabulous rhyming all the way through! 555
Stephen Harrington - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
555, good one...
Scathe - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Tough song to spoof. Nicely done.
Phil Alexander - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
I do so like BYG parodies... this is another super one :-)
alvin rhodes - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Kat - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
This is awesome,but pacing needed a little work.
AFW - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
This stocks up very good and funny....fives shares
Stuart McArthur - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Paree - I used to be a fan of the B and B in Taylor's younger pre-first death, pre reincarnation, pre-second death, pre-second-reincarnation days - but I don't know that song Paree - I'll check it out, and thanks

thanks John, Stephen, Scathe, Phil, alvin, Kat (predicted that), and AFW - 555
Cat - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Awesome, Stu!!! (I wonder how many people haven't done BOG yet now?) But I digress. This is excellent. And am I the only one who thinks the line "Most days I just play with my blue pencil" is more than a little dirty? Just a thought.
Rick C - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Ah, splendid, Stuart! 555
Tommy Turtle - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
TMGLTM; loved "buch-arest"; and "Paris/Hilton".... great MIR (multiple internal rhyming)... enough inside knowledge (e.g. Milliken/junk) that it seems you've been there, done that... (investment world). Wanna buy three Fives at a nice discount?
Stuart McArthur - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
thanks Cat - that's twice you've picked up on one of my double entendres ;-) - you must be on the lookout!

thanks Rick :-)

thanks for the feedback TT, and for noticing the "MIR" (THAT's a new acronym around here) - no, no inside experience, but it was fascinating to watch the Milkens and the Boeskys etc. from the Gekko 80s - as you must have too, to also know them ;-)
2nz - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Pacing is spot on, which is quite a feat with this song. Great work, Stu.
TT - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Nah, just saw the Mike Douglas movie, "Wall Street" :) . BTW, vaguely remember that Milliken was the world's most highly-paid "employee" (not executive): $US 555,000,000.00 in one year.
Red Ant - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow Stu, great job on this. Many awesome lines, but "bags of moolah, hallelujah!" was my favorite. lol. 555.
Luke Brattoni - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Trouser-wowsering rhymes, Stu, and glorious humour throughout. "who is living under, Buch!...arest"... gold. I smell a SOTM. And you can put a twenty on that.
Matthias - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
As being one of the soul survivors who did not get suck into doing this Dastardly Disney Tune, I am happy to say that this song is worth every 5 that I spent on it.... And that's 3 of them.... Oh, by the way "Teens Undressed (The Teen Movie Parody)" is on the way....
Stuart McArthur - March 29, 2006 - Report this comment
thanks 2nz, I've been carrying on about it somuch lately, I thought I'd better make it flawless ;-)

yes, TT, and he had to pay some $100,000,000 fine when they got him, that wasn't EVEN half (as I claimed) of his net worth, so it was meaningless, although the charges were a bit ambiguous too

thanks Red, that's the line I've always gotten a kick out of on my 400-or-so re-reads :-)

thanks Luke - you can imagine howhard I tried to avoid the "under Bucharest" problem, but there wasn't a clear solution

"Teens Undressed" is a great sub, Matthias - looking forward to that one - thanks mate
Larry Hensley - March 29, 2006 - Report this comment
I'm investing 555's!
Tommy T. - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
BTW, Stuart, I did have a question about your comment to my tribute to alvin rhodes (posted there) if you get a chance.... no biggie.... and each re-reading of the song above is a new debenture into the "jungle"... so, it was you behind those Nigerian scams, huh??? They got me, but since there was only $1.80 in my account, joke was on them...
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Chris Bodily TM - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I've seen nothing but great parodies today, checking out which songs are up for March SOTM. And I bet you invest in clever wordplay.... and am I the only one who didn't get your double entendre about the blue pencil? I thought it was literal, not metaphorical. Oh well, I guess all parodies can be interpreted one way or another. Great job! 555
Cat - April 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above! And even though I'm no stockbroker, it still had me laughing.
Rex - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Loved "sink your DENtures...into debentures". This parody is rich with humor.
Rick C - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Especially liked the ", Buch!...arest" line and the "my dear conquest" , as well.
Agrimorfee - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Ditto that feeling about dentures and debentures. (you learn a new word often coming to!)
Adagio - April 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Scathe - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Upbeat and chuckleworthy parody, Stu.
bobpiecheese - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Brilliant pacing, hilarious, just wonderful, Stu. I'm afraid I'll have to eat you for saying that 'fair dinkum = Australian" thing. Maybe my next parody will explain my anger towards the American's Australian stereotype.
Stuart McArthur - April 17, 2006 - Report this comment
thanks Larry, Tommy, Chris, Cat, Rex, Peter, Rick, Agri, adagio, Scathe, bobpie...

bobpiecheese:...going by a couple of things you've now said, I think you don't realise I was born and live in Melbourne Australia - I'm as Australian as a gladioli from my neighbouring suburb, Moonee Ponds :-)
Max Power - April 17, 2006 - Report this comment
2nz - April 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Still great rhyming work all the way through. The second time, "bags of moolah, hallelujah" stood out to me.
Jeff Reuben - April 28, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM: Brilliant as always, awesome rhyming throughout. This Beast is a beauty of a song.
Red Ant - April 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) What Red Ant said, and additional kudos for out-doing TOS as far as rhymes go. Also loved "I sold Paris to the Hiltons". Having parodied this song now (or, I should say having added one to ARFOM's list ;-)), I've gotten a better appreciation of why Kristof listed this as an 'epic' song on the message board some time ago.
Confission - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(sotm) this song never lets us down. amazing how many words rhyme with "guest"
Arwen - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM--oh wow...of course this is fabulous, Stuart...and you know it...=) Lots and lots of great stuff...I don't even know if I can pick a favorite...
wannabemustangjockey - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The mere fact that this is a BOG parody puts it on my top 5 list. It's a real "Beast" of a song to parody. Walt Disney rolls in his grave every month because of the likes of us here at AmIRight -- I know, because I can hear it.
Johnny D - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Stu, this investment of your talent is a blue chip contribution to the Be Our Guest parody-canon (HYTAOM) !
Stuart McArthur - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment

Have You Thought About Ordering MacDonalds?, no

why? would you like some?
Stuart McArthur - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
thanks Max, 2nz, Jeff, Red, Confission, Arwen (how did you know I knew it?), mustang, and Johnny, and I know I'm stupid JD, but please - what does it stand for? (unless it's insulting) ;-)
Larry Hensley - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Johnny D - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Have Yet To Attempt One Myself
Stuart McArthur - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
dave - May 16, 2006 - Report this comment
i'd love to have this one on mp3 or somethin so i could listen to it... - January 23, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't know whether I've said this before, but I know of no flashier song than "Be Our Guest" to show off a parodist's skills. Fantastic stuff, s2art. The lines I was planning to mention have already been swiped by others, so I'll give you extra kudos for your gratuitous internal rhymes (e.g., "my argy-barge falls largely"). You rock my stocks. Fair dinkum.
Rick C - March 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) See above. Another fine piece of work by one of the best authors on this site. I hope to be reading much more of your work in the near future.
Below Average Dave - March 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Well, Stu, reading this one again, I didn't realize I never left a comment. It was one of the first parodies I had read by you--I was never good about comments when I first started reading parodies on this site. Anyhow, great work on this apparent classic on AmIRight--I've always liked the song, but honestly, everyone on this site seems to target this one. . .but it doesn't seem to get old either. . .hmmm
Guy - March 22, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4P) If this were recorded I'm sure "Capital" would gladly stamp their label on it and "Epic" would be envious. Amazing piece of work here Stu - It is as good and as funny as the Claude Prez version called "Pee Our Test".
Matthias - March 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Sorry Stu, but this went a bit over my head. I'm glad to see that you're testing new waters on Amiright in terms of humor (Bank humor... Hmmmm....) But I really didn't get into this one, because I couldn't really relate to it. So sorry Stu, but this one was not a favorite of mine by you.
littleLadyLedger - March 28, 2008 - Report this comment
This reads very nicely, Sir Stuart, "Supreme Commander o'AussieLand" Is it possible ,Sir, that you and your Knights DownUdder, could gather together and compose a Parody about the . . . . . . . ~ HeLegend o'Perth ~ . I've ben waiting for someone 'down there' to write a tribute to him. His final movie, Dark Knight, will be coming out soon.
Red Ant - April 06, 2008 - Report this comment
I wish I had invested in oil or precious metals when this parody was written: I'd have a lot more money than I do now. Still great, and see above!
Agrimorfee - April 08, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) See the dividends from my divestitures on your investment above.
bobpiecheese - April 10, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Hey, I remember this one! Still brilliant as always mate!
Below Average Dave - April 16, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) Nothing new to add here, still really good. . .
Invisible Boy - April 16, 2008 - Report this comment
Enjoying this one was a new experience for me. I's fantastic !!!
So many great comments have been made, that I'm not clever enough to add anything better.
I will say, "wrest" is a highly under-rated word, and I am particularly fond of the term "fair dinkum"...(which I first heard from you)
Claude Prez - July 29, 2014 - Report this comment
Today's Guestfest Classic is from Stu McArthur. Delightful.
Lee. (Oh, say!) - July 29, 2014 - Report this comment
"House, er... Bucharest" is a 10 Milliken dollar line.

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