Song Parodies -> If He Had a Trillion Dollars
| Original Song Title: | "If I Had a Million Dollars" |
| Original Performer: | Barenaked Ladies |
| Parody Song Title: | "If He Had a Trillion Dollars" |
| Parody Written by: | Sakura |
The song is set in early 20001, when Bush is planning how to spend taxpayers' money. NOTE: The U.S. Army doesn't use Uzis, but in this song, Bush is unaware of this.
KARL ROVE
If he had a trillion dollars
GEORGE W. BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd buy you a tank
BUSH
I would buy you a tank
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
He'd buy you some weaponry for your tank
BUSH
Maybe a nice M-16 or an Uzi
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd buy you a Cobra
BUSH
A nice, reliant flying machine
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
I'd ignore the public, just like my dad
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
And I wouldn't give a shit if they got mad
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
BARACK OBAMA
Maybe we could find a cure for AIDS in Africa sometime?
DONALD RUMSFELD
Geez, why would we do that? That's stupid.
JOHN ASHCROFT
Who cares about Africa? Let's cure AIDS here, with a war on homosexuality!
JERRY FALWELL/PAT ROBERTSON
Yeah! (they high-five)
BUSH
One thing at a time, boys. We'll save that for after the invasion.
CONDOLEEZZA RICE
Liberation.
BUSH
Whatever.
ROVE
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd find you some nukes
BUSH
But not some real nukes, cuz that's bull
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd start another war
BUSH
Yup, like in I-ran or in Canada
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd buy you some Arab's remains
BUSH
Ooh, all them crazy terrorist bones
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
I wouldn't spend it on Darfur
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
I would go after Saddam, cuz he sucks more
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
OBAMA
Let's give poor kids a decent dinner!
DICK CHENEY
Hey, that's not a bad idea. We need to strengthen up a whole new generation of American soldiers.
TED OLSON
But . . . does Obama get the credit for thinking that up?
CHENEY
(snort) Like hell he does!
(they all laugh)
ROVE
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd find some anthrax
BUSH
But not real anthrax, cuz that's bull
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd buy you some oil
BUSH
Light sweet crude, and maybe canola
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd back up Mitt Romney
BUSH
Haven't you always wanted Mitt Romney?
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars . . .
ALL EXCEPT OBAMA
We would win!
If he had a trillion dollars
GEORGE W. BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd buy you a tank
BUSH
I would buy you a tank
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
He'd buy you some weaponry for your tank
BUSH
Maybe a nice M-16 or an Uzi
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd buy you a Cobra
BUSH
A nice, reliant flying machine
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
I'd ignore the public, just like my dad
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
And I wouldn't give a shit if they got mad
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
BARACK OBAMA
Maybe we could find a cure for AIDS in Africa sometime?
DONALD RUMSFELD
Geez, why would we do that? That's stupid.
JOHN ASHCROFT
Who cares about Africa? Let's cure AIDS here, with a war on homosexuality!
JERRY FALWELL/PAT ROBERTSON
Yeah! (they high-five)
BUSH
One thing at a time, boys. We'll save that for after the invasion.
CONDOLEEZZA RICE
Liberation.
BUSH
Whatever.
ROVE
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd find you some nukes
BUSH
But not some real nukes, cuz that's bull
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd start another war
BUSH
Yup, like in I-ran or in Canada
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd buy you some Arab's remains
BUSH
Ooh, all them crazy terrorist bones
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
I wouldn't spend it on Darfur
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
I would go after Saddam, cuz he sucks more
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
OBAMA
Let's give poor kids a decent dinner!
DICK CHENEY
Hey, that's not a bad idea. We need to strengthen up a whole new generation of American soldiers.
TED OLSON
But . . . does Obama get the credit for thinking that up?
CHENEY
(snort) Like hell he does!
(they all laugh)
ROVE
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd find some anthrax
BUSH
But not real anthrax, cuz that's bull
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd buy you some oil
BUSH
Light sweet crude, and maybe canola
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
ROVE
Well, he'd back up Mitt Romney
BUSH
Haven't you always wanted Mitt Romney?
ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars
CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars
BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars
CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars . . .
ALL EXCEPT OBAMA
We would win!
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Great song. By the way, what we need is a minority president, Obama is the minority candidate, and I am going to vote for him. Sakura, if you enjoyed writing this, you might like my parodies "Dickie!" and "President Bush". Just ignore Andria's comments on "Dickie!", she is an old girlfriend of mine with a permanent grudge.
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This is view # 375
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