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Song Parodies -> "If He Had a Trillion Dollars"

Original Song Title:

"If I Had a Million Dollars"

Original Performer:

Barenaked Ladies

Parody Song Title:

"If He Had a Trillion Dollars"

Parody Written by:

Sakura

The Lyrics

The song is set in early 20001, when Bush is planning how to spend taxpayers' money. NOTE: The U.S. Army doesn't use Uzis, but in this song, Bush is unaware of this.
KARL ROVE
If he had a trillion dollars

GEORGE W. BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
Well, he'd buy you a tank

BUSH
I would buy you a tank

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
He'd buy you some weaponry for your tank

BUSH
Maybe a nice M-16 or an Uzi

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
Well, he'd buy you a Cobra

BUSH
A nice, reliant flying machine

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
I'd ignore the public, just like my dad

CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
And I wouldn't give a shit if they got mad

CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars

BARACK OBAMA
Maybe we could find a cure for AIDS in Africa sometime?

DONALD RUMSFELD
Geez, why would we do that? That's stupid.

JOHN ASHCROFT
Who cares about Africa? Let's cure AIDS here, with a war on homosexuality!

JERRY FALWELL/PAT ROBERTSON
Yeah! (they high-five)

BUSH
One thing at a time, boys. We'll save that for after the invasion.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE
Liberation.

BUSH
Whatever.

ROVE
If he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
Well, he'd find you some nukes

BUSH
But not some real nukes, cuz that's bull

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
Well, he'd start another war

BUSH
Yup, like in I-ran or in Canada

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
Well, he'd buy you some Arab's remains

BUSH
Ooh, all them crazy terrorist bones

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
I wouldn't spend it on Darfur

CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
I would go after Saddam, cuz he sucks more

CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars

OBAMA
Let's give poor kids a decent dinner!

DICK CHENEY
Hey, that's not a bad idea. We need to strengthen up a whole new generation of American soldiers.

TED OLSON
But . . . does Obama get the credit for thinking that up?

CHENEY
(snort) Like hell he does!

(they all laugh)

ROVE
If he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
Well, he'd find some anthrax

BUSH
But not real anthrax, cuz that's bull

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
Well, he'd buy you some oil

BUSH
Light sweet crude, and maybe canola

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

ROVE
Well, he'd back up Mitt Romney

BUSH
Haven't you always wanted Mitt Romney?

ROVE
And if he had a trillion dollars

CABINET
We'd buy your vote!
If he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars

BUSH
If I had a trillion dollars

CABINET
If he had a trillion dollars . . .

ALL EXCEPT OBAMA
We would win!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 2.7
How Funny: 2.6
Overall Rating: 2.6

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   6
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Darrell Wilhelm - August 07, 2007 - Report this comment
Great song. By the way, what we need is a minority president, Obama is the minority candidate, and I am going to vote for him. Sakura, if you enjoyed writing this, you might like my parodies "Dickie!" and "President Bush". Just ignore Andria's comments on "Dickie!", she is an old girlfriend of mine with a permanent grudge.
Erin - October 08, 2010 - Report this comment
This is great! Especially since at this time we have already spent a trillion dollars on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. There is a contest called "If I Had A Trillion Dollars". You should enter! http://afsc.org/action/if-i-had-trillion-dollars-youth-video-contest

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