It's been one week,
Since I got to see.
Richard Simmons with fat people like me.
Five days,
Since my trip to the store.
My cabinets full of healthy treats and more.
Three days,
Since I saw The Star.
Of this guy who lost weight,
He weighed like a car.
Yesterday, it occurred to me.
That I should go on a diet,
And try not to eat food.

Look at me, I'm a big fat freak.
And a tubby geek.
In sweatpants I look so tacky.
Do you recall,
That major brawl,
That shook on down the China Wall.
And I'm on the news saying that it wasn't me.
Then there was Simmons calling me fat,
That got me so mad,
I sucker punched him with a low blow.
Then I went to the BP,
To get some munchies,
There was V8s galore.
I am so fat, compared to that,
Big guy from the movie "Mars Attacks".
I just feel so overweight,
My weight is double 00.
I eat Twinkies, gumdrops, Hohos.
Twizzlers and Chocolate Pretzels.
I am just compared to two big Bam Bigelows.
Can I help it if I really am big-boned?
My butt is bigger than the Super Bowl.
I drink gallons of Pepsi every day and night.
When I just want Fat Free stuff, I get Lite.
I have a tendency of eating out a buffet,
And I'm so fat,
My napkin's my shirt.

It's been one week,
Since they kicked me out,
For eating out at the Golden Corral.
Five days since I heard the tale,
Of that guy, Lard Man, who's like a whale.
And it's been three days,
Since I saw my moon,
I realized it's all my fault,
Not a moment too soon.
Yesterday, got Slimfast for me.
And I should go on a diet,
And try not to eat food.

(Guitar Solo)
RICHARD SIMMONS:
"You people are overweight, and it's a sin.
So get off your butts and say you can do it.
C'mon say it.
You can do it.
You can do it!"


I'm bigger than China,
I want some chicken.
I have a drumstick,
And my jaws start munching.
Watchin' Richard Simmons with a Big Mac,
If you don't like that.
I hope you die on that six pack.
Like Chris Farley I'm gettin' ticked off,
And now I pissed off,
Like Mr. T, he's my kinda guy.
I watch "Exercise that Fat" films,
Makes me just wanna kill,
A slim-fast slugging kinda guy.
If you seen those shmoes,
Well, then you know,
They just eat soy stuff that costs dough,
They sweats are tacky,
But they're lacking in their protein.
Then pretty soon a tubby goon,
Comes to my room,
Then it's BOOM in the face of,
Some guy who's been on Springer.
Can I help it if I really am big-boned?
The fat on my face makes me look stoned.
I eat packages of Doritos every night.
Just going to the store, is a fight.
I have a tendency of trying out Tae Bo.
I'm so hungry,
That I'll even eat dirt.

It's been one week,
Since I ate cookies.
Through my arms in the air,
And said, "Oh praise me!"
Five days since I laughed at you.
Saying "I just did just
What you said that I couldn't do."
Three days since I did a sit-up.
Now my parents are proud,
Now how can I get 'em to shut-up.
Yesterday,
I just gained weight,
Now I'm diet,
And I hate this weight loss.
I am so freakin' fat,
I'll try not to eat food.
Chew with your mouth close,
Or that'll be really rude.