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Song Parodies -> "Men Speak"

Original Song Title:

"One Week"

Original Performer:

Barenaked Ladies

Parody Song Title:

"Men Speak"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

"This is for my girls all around the worldWho've come across a man who don't respect your worthThinking all women should be seen, not heardSo what do we do girls?"Um...write parodies?
These men, they speak, try to talk to me
Cocky, dreadful and snide, they all harangue me
They bray, pinch and slap with glee
I forget why I ever went to this party
Gee whiz, how can I assume
What they are saying when I honestly have no clue?
Dictionary, it's time to flee
On a masculine-aimed translation safari

Don't know how they think they can wink
At a random hot minx
And think they've booked a date - in the can
And when they itch at their ditch, I turn away and start to twitch
Oh, have they no self conciousness? I guess not, being "man"
Men like weird hobbies - they have good times
Taking on perverse crimes
A woman's morals - shoplifted
Dirt when they blurt, potty mouthed twits
They cannot match wits (for men with half a brain are gifted)
Guys my age are strange, their voices change
Their minds perverse and so deranged
And when I date them, they don't do me any favors:
"Are we gonna go?" "Well, I dunno,
I think some facial hair might grow
I'd rather spend some time
With Dad's electric shaver."

You cannot find a guy who's caring, handsome, meets ends
(Well you can, but they all have a boyfriend)
Cannot find a guy like Spaff who's astute at will
Can't understand why they love hitting roadkill
Such strange propensities, they never know when to leave
Eternal mystery - why don't they wear a shirt?

These men, they speak; wincing, I foresee
Eating dinner while watching football - lazy
Can't date guys who laugh at me
When I won't play rugby, golf or frisbee
Please men, rephrase words I say to you
When I say it's not your fault
Truthfully, I blame you
Girls converse, guys just want to eat-
But now I'll get back to my translation safari

Chicks talk malign 'bout the swine-sleaze thickly
They have their dumb wit, they're inane, nose-picking
Scotch and secks? - smiles cause their wife's out
An intellect drought
Now they're promoting manic Swiss fun!
Embarrassing? Certainly - his antics
Are sycophantic
His liquor's superceding me, I cry

Spiked Turkish vodka stains, the red spills
Okay, I need Advil
If they don't quit I'll have to say goodbye
Can't forget the sweaty wettest pubs
Like the kind you find by nudist clubs
Trust no man - liars, they're always vying for a whack fling
Gotta get a tube of ultra-lube
That's really full of Nair or Gloob - quite the heyday
When it's applied to long things!

I'm feeling helpless 'cause they call me "honey", I abhor
Private parts? Men will lie to seem hardcore
Timeless knowledge - men are so destitute, and still
I'm so convinced that the male race
Is e-vil
They have dependency towards all malign - no relief
Hit on my sister, even? Buggar off, pervert!

Geez, men! Dumb geeks, who are hooked on me
Stop, your charms are denied -
Gavin, I'm sorry
Blind date? Vince, I laugh at you (and Fred)
You're busted, Dustin! I'm not doin' none with you
Free dates? I'm forgiving, Luke
But you don't even know my name,
You little brat-puke!
Best to pray men learn style from me
Cause there is no end to this translation safari

There is no end to this translation safari
Now I'm off to purchase some Revlon mascar-i
I'm sure glad no one reading thinks that I'm snobby...


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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 53

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   3
 5   48

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Stuart McArthur - December 03, 2004 - Report this comment
so I suppose Saturday night's out of the question? what if I bring Spaff? - loved it Emi - dark and intense it was - 555 easily
Claude Prez - December 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey baby I know Spaff PERSONALLY; whattya say we go out some time and purchase clothing, I'll bring my two daughters...great stuff, can't wait for the recording.
Ashkicksass - December 03, 2004 - Report this comment
WOW!!! This kicks ass!
Arwen - December 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Emi! Excellent work, darling! It's like you're reading my mind! Except for the part about Spaff being astute...I'm not sure that I've ever thought that...=) 5s, missy!
Tim Mayfield - December 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Emi, since there's no column to vote on whether we agree with your findings, I can give you 555. Not to say I haven't met a few guys that meet this criteria, but where do you hang out? Scary!
Know 1 can hear you dream - December 03, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm speechless, is that a good or a bad thing?
Jeff Reuben - December 03, 2004 - Report this comment funny! I'll quit there =)
Johnny D - December 03, 2004 - Report this comment
So, kissing-up to Spaff, eh? Good plan.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - December 04, 2004 - Report this comment
OOWWCH! *staggers back clutching heart* Don't the truth hurt?
I must say though, we guys have only given you 5s as a pretence for a booty call.
2nz - December 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Fine, what's your SECOND reason? Pacing wizardry, Emi. I kinda gather how the whole boy think is panning out. How's school otherwise?
Jeff Reuben - January 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I'm not offended, in fact, I took it as a long overdue tribute =) Obviously, great job with a tough song.
Scathe - January 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(sotm) You'd be hard pressed to find a guy your age with a speck of manners, accept my deepest sympathies and these 5's.
Brit - January 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(sotm) Being a BNL fan I hjad to check this oen out..pacing's a bit roguh (trust me i can switch from Jerry Springer to One Week in a mere instant) but other wise very good! 4-5-5
Rick D - January 09, 2005 - Report this comment
You're pretty astute yourself, kiddo.
Agrimorfee - January 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Clever stuff, Emi.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) After re (rererere) reading, the syllable-for-syllable rhyming here is enough to make me want to stop slathering maple syrup across my stomach as Doritos dip and bow down (innuendic intentions intended).
John Jenkins - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Very well done, Emi. A lot of good lines including the ditch line and "they all have a boyfriend." But are you suggesting that there is something wrong with eating dinner and watching football? - January 16, 2005 - Report this comment

I love Barenaked Ladies. And the band that goes by that name. Heh heh. Grrreat, challenging stuff. Some highlights: "Can't understand why they love hitting roadkill," "they all have a boyfriend," "e-vil," "Revlon mascar-i." Very impressive. Oh, and thanks for the shout-out. It's true; I can ass-toot at will.
Claude Prez - January 17, 2005 - Report this comment
I'd try to say something clever here but Spaff's "ass-toot" comment just slayed me so I won't bother. Great stuff; love the boyfriend line too.
Paul Robinson - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) WOW, Emi...I haven't heard the OS too much, but I remember finding it very catchy and very fun...from what I CAN remember you did a fantastic job of pacing a very difficult song to keep up with. 5's...This was incredibly well done...really great writing...and you are still in, what, High School? I think the peak of my High-School cleverness was a writing something about a monkey wrapping his tail around a flagpole to see the hair's grow on his * Souza's "Stars & Stripes Forever" (I think that's the title)...
Phil Alexander - January 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Hmm... I was pondering the significance of "Men Speak" to Barenaked Ladies, and wondering "do they really?". Anyway, another excellent parody, Emi. This month is turning into a really tricky one.
Chris Bodily TM - January 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Funny... I thought I read this already. I really liked the line about Dad's electric shaver! Men do the darndest things, don't they?
Peregrin - January 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Welld one Emi, I had a couple of reads!!
Johnny D - January 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above if you dare.
Arwen - January 27, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM--Emi...still brilliant...perhaps even more so this time around. One of your best...easily!
martha - January 28, 2005 - Report this comment
fantastic stuff...extremely witty and inventive .. well done Emi!!
Stuart McArthur - January 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) already commented - a tour de force - it's a pity, what with being married, and the Polanski/Kinski connotations, that I can't say how sexy that angry brilliance of yours is - pity
John Jenkins - January 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Very good job of maintaing the rhymes of the OS AND making it seem natural. Very well done. Emi.
2nz - January 30, 2005 - Report this comment
I gave you ones because I'm a man with no sense of humor who is deeply offended by your insinuations. I am handsome, caring, I meet ends and I'm NOT gay. Just ask my boyfriend.
2nz - January 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh, and my first comment too.
Meriadoc - February 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Emi, this was FABULOUS (but you really must stop attending Arwen's Date Rating School) ;-D
Kristof Robertson - February 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) If I wasn't so damn frightened I'd rave about this! 555
DECEMBER 2004 SONG OF THE MONTH GOLD MEDAL - February 05, 2005 - Report this comment;topic=3009.0;id=3343;image - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Still great. What Spaff tooted. Er, said.
John Jenkins - February 12, 2005 - Report this comment
"Men with half a brain are gifted." Of course, you are not writing about amiright men, but the cutting humor is excellent.
2nz - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Hmmm.... yeah.... those first three comments that I posted.... they still stand.... although it's arguable how well I actually 'meet ends'.
Coryo Ellis - August 20, 2005 - Report this comment
UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGhhhhhhhhhhhhhhummm..yeah just trying to make a point, but aaa I forgot.
SPank - September 19, 2005 - Report this comment
lol gay
G30RG3 - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Terrifically funny! I loved it. I actually had to stop reading it so I could make my self stop laughing. My favorite parts: "they all have a boyfriend", "revlon mascar-i", "masculine aimed translation safari" Great Job!
Matthias - December 19, 2008 - Report this comment
I know I've read this one before, even though I may not have commented on it. This is a classic of yours, being your first to win a SOTM award, and a really tough cookie to beat in this round that's for sure. I too have entered a parody of "One Week" in for this contest that also had podiumed in SOTM, so it looks to be a battle of the Weeks. I'm sure to give this one high marks, and because I'm a man (I'm only giving this high marks while looking at your cleavage)
Wolverine - December 19, 2008 - Report this comment
(Ages) ...really full of Nair...long th....NO! NOOOOOO! WRONG! ::shivers:: Glad I don't know any men this bad. I'd be embarrassed for my gender.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - December 21, 2008 - Report this comment
(Ages) Brat-puke? Minus a point. Also, the seventy-fourth to seventy-seventh syllable weren't perfectly rhyme matched. Minus a point.
Arwen - December 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Ages--Once upon a time, I parodied this OS and swore that I'd never do it again. When the decade came out for this round, however, I'll admit that I began formulating a story line in my head, that went with this OS...and this OS alone. HOWEVER...I thought to myself..." KNOW that Emi's going to enter Men Speak. You KNOW you can't compete with it. Don't bother. Your brain is strained enough." And...therefore, I wrote something else. This remains one of my all time faves of yours, Emi...if you HADN'T entered it, I might have cried. =)
bobpiecheese - December 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(Ages) The pacing is rough here and there, but that's understandable given the OS. And as for the subject matter...I hope it's meant to be satiric, otherwise it smacks of bad research - I have NEVER seen the type of man presented in the parody in real life. Ever. Not even close. Anyways, 555, blah blah blah, you kow the drill.
Agrimorfee - December 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(Ages) A moldyoldie in the archives, I didn't even remember reading it before (but I did!). Still holds up quite well in its tongue-twisting way. This is going to be a hard round to judge!
tomario - December 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(ages) wel you cetainly didnt suffer from "An intellect drought!" very clever in places. 555
Jeff Reuben - January 07, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) Still hilarious! See above. And above. And see you at our wedding :)
Glen S - January 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Yeah, well what's your THIRD reason?
Below Average Dave - January 07, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) Hmm, not to be a drag or anything, paced great and all--loved the rhyme scheme, but I couldn't really relate to this one, but loved the pacing on such a tough OS. . .
rajini - June 05, 2009 - Report this comment
yeah! too horrifying and world govt.leaders should pass a law for defending human natural laws of nature and life. and also pl. do help me why the hollywood-bollywood-tollywood industry is only with men singing on women's body-flesh-soul etc. and comapare with nature and world objects etc.. why it is in not of different ways of lots of daily issues etc.
hillaryclinton - June 05, 2009 - Report this comment
yeah! too odd to survive in the world as a monster grabbing the world or like alkaida. world leaders should take action and should pass a law for security of psychical sex attack , vying, spying and genealogical poisoning etc.

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