These men, they speak, try to talk to me
Cocky, dreadful and snide, they all harangue me
They bray, pinch and slap with glee
I forget why I ever went to this party
Gee whiz, how can I assume
What they are saying when I honestly have no clue?
Dictionary, it's time to flee
On a masculine-aimed translation safari

Don't know how they think they can wink
At a random hot minx
And think they've booked a date - in the can
And when they itch at their ditch, I turn away and start to twitch
Oh, have they no self conciousness? I guess not, being "man"
Men like weird hobbies - they have good times
Taking on perverse crimes
A woman's morals - shoplifted
Dirt when they blurt, potty mouthed twits
They cannot match wits (for men with half a brain are gifted)
Guys my age are strange, their voices change
Their minds perverse and so deranged
And when I date them, they don't do me any favors:
"Are we gonna go?" "Well, I dunno,
I think some facial hair might grow
I'd rather spend some time
With Dad's electric shaver."

You cannot find a guy who's caring, handsome, meets ends
(Well you can, but they all have a boyfriend)
Cannot find a guy like Spaff who's astute at will
Can't understand why they love hitting roadkill
Such strange propensities, they never know when to leave
Eternal mystery - why don't they wear a shirt?

These men, they speak; wincing, I foresee
Eating dinner while watching football - lazy
Can't date guys who laugh at me
When I won't play rugby, golf or frisbee
Please men, rephrase words I say to you
When I say it's not your fault
Truthfully, I blame you
Girls converse, guys just want to eat-
But now I'll get back to my translation safari

Chicks talk malign 'bout the swine-sleaze thickly
They have their dumb wit, they're inane, nose-picking
Scotch and secks? - smiles cause their wife's out
An intellect drought
Now they're promoting manic Swiss fun!
Embarrassing? Certainly - his antics
Are sycophantic
His liquor's superceding me, I cry

Spiked Turkish vodka stains, the red spills
Okay, I need Advil
If they don't quit I'll have to say goodbye
Can't forget the sweaty wettest pubs
Like the kind you find by nudist clubs
Trust no man - liars, they're always vying for a whack fling
Gotta get a tube of ultra-lube
That's really full of Nair or Gloob - quite the heyday
When it's applied to long things!

I'm feeling helpless 'cause they call me "honey", I abhor
Private parts? Men will lie to seem hardcore
Timeless knowledge - men are so destitute, and still
I'm so convinced that the male race
Is e-vil
They have dependency towards all malign - no relief
Hit on my sister, even? Buggar off, pervert!

Geez, men! Dumb geeks, who are hooked on me
Stop, your charms are denied -
Gavin, I'm sorry
Blind date? Vince, I laugh at you (and Fred)
You're busted, Dustin! I'm not doin' none with you
Free dates? I'm forgiving, Luke
But you don't even know my name,
You little brat-puke!
Best to pray men learn style from me
Cause there is no end to this translation safari

There is no end to this translation safari
Now I'm off to purchase some Revlon mascar-i
I'm sure glad no one reading thinks that I'm snobby...

*gulp*