To all the churls who stole our girls
who bought them cars and strings of pearls.
I think that you're so wrong.
I dedicate this song
to all the churls who stole our girls.

To Michael Douglas' ancient bones.
He stole Ms. Catherine Zeta-Jones.
The girl of the century.
Also his age, you see.
And I don't think there's no Zeta-Clones.

Brad Pitt stole Angelina Jolie.
Before, Jennifer Aniston.
Before, Jennifer Love-Hewitt.
I think that he is such a bum.

To Tony Parker, hate for ya.
You took our Eva Longoria.
I hate you, Tommy Lee
for taking Pam's DDs.
Hope she left you feeling quite, sore, yeah.

Some guys like singing done by Seal.
But he took Heidi Klum, so what's the deal?
Tom Cruise took Katie Holmes.
Not much inside their domes.
Such theft makes lots of men just squeal.

For Uma Thurman I was crowing.
But she shacked up with Ethan Hawke.
He cheated on her, she was going.
She should have listened to me squawk!

To that slimy Marc Anthony.
Like most, I thought, "J-Lo's for me."
And now they've got the twins.
I'd like to see his grins
and punch him, give him agony.

To all the churls who stole our girls
who bought them cars and strings of pearls.
I think that you're so wrong.
I dedicate this song
to all the churls who stole our girls.

I think that you're so wrong.
I dedicate this song
to all the churls who stole our girls.