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Song Parodies -> "At the Pearl' Gates - In Row"

Original Song Title:

"Happy Birthday"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Weird Al Yankovic

Parody Song Title:

"At the Pearl' Gates - In Row"

Parody Written by:

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd

The Lyrics

This one's for the current round of ONE WEEK NOTICE challenge, this time hosted again by our very own belated birthday boy Matthias. (You too can be a host and help us save Amiright, or for starters simply join a round for your own fun - details are to be found under "Amiright Events" on the front page).

A YouTube version of the original song can currently be found here.
At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - In Row
At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - In Row

Well, the time's here, I can see the Pearl' Gates, it happened as I feared
I choked upon a broccoli I couldn't clear with beer
As kid I kicked some puppies and were fuzzy with my eats
A million candy wrappers I left littering the streets

My daddy took one look at me and signed up for the corps
My mama had those nervous breakdowns from me back and forth
The garbage man turned stalker, our house was like a sty
I knew I wouldn't be on Heaven's short list when I died

At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - In Row
At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - In Row

Well, with a mobster batting average that never hit the fritz
I kinda know Saint Peter's gonna send me to the pits
The monkey spanking teenage years' an albatross of course
Headmistresses could weigh in, but they never found a corpse

Gonna take an extraordinary hail Mary for me
I'm gonna be in hotter flames than all of World War III
There's no one that can help me, sulphur I can smell
And ablebodied lawyers they all work for Hell

(As the cops on take - I'm doomed, OK?)

At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - In Row
At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - In Row

Well, there's my record for The Mighty and I cannot cook the book
There's the Devil down there waiting if I can't get off the hook
Add my Tinder online status and my social media feed
Hope the gatekeeper here's not hacked into old Zuckerberg indeed

My one chance: If the crucible is like The Hunger Games
I'll hit the other scoundrels with eternities of flames
But as I'm drawing nearer all the souls here near me take
Blowhardened selfies - and I know I'm baked

At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - In Row
At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - It Blows!

At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - In Row
At the Pearl' Gates
At the Pearl' Gates - It Blows!

(At the Pearl' Gates)

Damn - My ticket's six-six-six!

© Peter Andersson.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 3   2
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 4   1
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 5   4
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - June 15, 2018 - Report this comment
This told a great story about a guy who lived a terrible life and is on his slow decent into Hell. I was hoping that the ending would have led him trying to weasel his way into Heaven but I guess this guy already accepted his fate. Funny stuff but dark!
Agrimorfee - June 15, 2018 - Report this comment
I was hoping for a twist ending too, but eh what the hey. There's always Purgatory, give or take 1000 years.
Peter Andersson - June 15, 2018 - Report this comment
There is a somewhat opaque optional twist ending - but you have to choose to interpret "and I know I'm baked" as the guy being high as eff (possibly from too many birthday doobies, he-he).

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