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Song Parodies -> "FOP-Shop Wine"

Original Song Title:

"Red Red Wine"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

UB40

Parody Song Title:

"FOP-Shop Wine"

Parody Written by:

Giorgio Coniglio's Grandson

The Lyrics

In a few Canadian provinces, licences are granted to shops which allow customers to make their own beer or wine "for personal consumption". These stores are generally referred to by the public as "wineries" or "wineshops", but the Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario who regulates these outlets in my home province, refers to the stores as UVin or UVin/UBrew, and to the process as FOP (ferment on premises). Some customers who have appropriate space and ambient conditions in their basements prefer to buy equipment and kits for FAH (ferment at home). I personally have been an enthusiastic user of FOP for 15 years, (although I must admit that I have seldom referred to it by this term).
FOP-store wine
My kind of shop
They take my credit card
Do all the wo-o-ork.

FOP-shop wine
Add yeast to mu-u-ust
Then when my batch is done
Remember to sho-o-ow
I’ll schedule to show.

I’ll get called -
Bottling time
Box up thirty that you’ve cleaned
Labels choose
Shrink-wrap tops,
After using cork-machine.

FOP-shop wine
Save half the co-o-ost
Take up no basement space
Yet fill home wine-racks
Pay no high tax.

(the "toasted" rap section as per UB40 version)

FOP-shop wine you help reduce the cost
Keep me from feeling my money is lost
FOP-shop wine you make me feel so grand
We host lots of parties 'cause I’ve always wine on hand
FOP-shop wine, when you’re gone you make me think
Empties need washing in the basement laundry sink.
FOP-shop wine, I can get to where you are
Boxes in a taxi, when I’ve broken-down old car.

FOP-shop stores, Canucks call them UVin
Personal consumption is seen as no sin.
Some province license UVin and UBrew
(Brew-shops in the USA who'll do your wine are few.)
FOP-shop wine, might be in your neighbourhood
Quality may vary, but most kits are quite good.
Twenty years - a few bad bottles, five or six
Never short of holiday or birthday gifts.

F-O-P means "ferment on premises"
Lots of varieties to please your picky missus
FOP-shop kits always come from foreign lands
Must be some reason local growers not at hand
FOP-shop kits which we'll really like I know
Aussie shiraz, French or Chilean merlot
Need no special gear, technique's not too hard
Mostly you start by stirring with your credit card.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   1
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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - November 27, 2015 - Report this comment
GCG, once knew a kid whose dad was making beer in his bedroom bathroom back in the late '80s! No thanks!!! 555!
Rob Arndt - November 27, 2015 - Report this comment
That should have read bedroom bathtub!!!
Giorgio Coniglio - November 27, 2015 - Report this comment
@RA. Thanks for rating, but this song is not about home-brew, instead it highlights a convenient way of having experts involve you in making batches of good-quality wine. Current Chilean carmenere pairs well with pasta putanesca or eggplant parmigiana; I suspect it might also do well with (yuk!) beef, but not at our house, thank you.
Rob Arndt - November 27, 2015 - Report this comment
I know GCG. I just don't drink wine so I gave the closest experience. Sacramento, CA. BTW is home to lots of micro-breweries. I don't drink beer either, so is that a thing now??? There are so many beverage places here that I just get exotic sodas, drink Starbucks, Jamba Juice, and on occasion buy some unflavored Vodka (Grey Goose is overrated). I usually buy Russian. As an aside. Jesus did not receive water & vinegar on a hyssop branch. That is totally mistranslated and misunderstood. It was Roman field vinegar-watery wine called Posca and it was put on a drinking sponge and lifted up to His lips on the Roman soldier's pilum that could reach the height of the Tau Cross. The Roman soldiers gave him wine.
Giorgio Coniglio's Grandson - November 28, 2015 - Report this comment
(oops - forgot to add 'Grandson' to previous sign-in). Thanks, Al, for relevant but irreverent remarks. Chez nous, we don't use FOP wine as a sacrament, 'nightly drunks' or really fancy occasions, just to accompany dinner. Chuck's wine seems to be up to $4/bottle when we buy it during sojourns to your land. Would probably be taxed towards $10/ up here (many higher-level Calif. wines are available), and may not compare with good FOP batches. Made a few minor changes, and will sing this parody at ukejam next week.
Rob Arndt - November 28, 2015 - Report this comment
More interesting facts that are on-topic. Did you know that there are carnivorous cocktails like Deer Penis Wine and of course Snake Blood Cocktails? Bloody meat can also be liquefied, alcohol added, and served with sesame seeds on top, a lettuce and piece of hard cheese garnish, and two cherry tomatoes and a full pickle head! It's called a Cheeseburger Cocktail! Btw drunk Al, by all means come to Sacramento. I have something for you, but it's not a Reisling. And lastly, Jesus said he would have no new wine until heaven. First miracle? Water into wine at the wedding! If Jesus came today and did that in a bar, would it be considered FOP???
On-topic - November 28, 2015 - Report this comment
An Irish priest is driving home. A police officer behind the priest notices that he is swerving a little bit, so he pulls him over. "Sir," the officer asks, "have you been drinking a little bit tonight?" "Begorra, it's only water I'd be drinkin'," the priest replies. The officer, suspicious, shines his flashlight into the priest's car. He notices a half-empty bottle of wine in the passenger seat. The priest follows his eyes and cries, "Good Lord, he's done it again!"
Al Silver - November 29, 2015 - Report this comment
Rob, it's "Riesling," not "Reisling." However you spell it, it's a delightful wine and I'm sorry it is not what you want to give me. As for "drunk Al," I remind you that "in vodka veritas."
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - November 29, 2015 - Report this comment
@Al; I am sure you only need seek "veritas" once in a blue moon.
Rob Arndt - November 29, 2015 - Report this comment
Al, the misspelling is my Spellchecker's and easily confused with the American SMG as well as the German helo prototypes! If you don't know these, look them up. It's easier to proof other people's materials than your own as a rule being a writer and poet as well as a parodist. Btw, I detest wine, whether German, other Foreign, or domestic Californian! But I'm on the same page with you on Vodka ;-)
Rob Arndt - November 29, 2015 - Report this comment
Reising M-50 SMG: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/41/Model-50.jpg
Rob Arndt - November 29, 2015 - Report this comment
Riesler R.I ultra rare helicopter: https://sites.google.com/site/stingraysphotoarchive1/_/rsrc/1336801415979/page-seven/riesler3.jpg
Dr Giorgio Coniglio dec - November 29, 2015 - Report this comment
If you don't indulge, and have nothing to say re subject or substance of the submission, why comment?
Patrick - November 30, 2015 - Report this comment
My home state of Kansas was long known for bizarre laws relating to alcoholic drinks. During my years at a collectors' auction house I once saw a Drinking License from, I think, Manitoba. It was in the form of a passbook with spaces to record purchases of alcoholic beverages from package stores. The license had to be procured from a governmental authority and presented to the vendor who recorded each purchase. I believe there were different rules for drinks consumed in bars and restaurants. The regulation of alcohol has produced more hypocrisy and damaged almost has many lives as the booze itself.

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