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Song Parodies -> "Cisco Wine"

Original Song Title:

"Red, Red Wine"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

UB40

Parody Song Title:

"Cisco Wine"

Parody Written by:

Andria

The Lyrics

This is another partially true story, this time that of the aftermath of drinkng Cisco wine (a low-end fortified wine, known as liquid crack for its ability to get anyone who drinks it sh*tfaced very quickly), and needless to say, I gave up consuming all fortified wines except sherry and Port for reasons of social acceptability and better health. *"one-fifth alcohol": Cisco wine contains 20% alc./vol. in its most-commonly distributed formulation. *"bodega": This term, usually reserved for small grocery stores catering mainly to Hispanics, is sometimes used to refer to small, independent grocers of all kinds, most often in impoverished and/or gang-ridden urban areas.
Cisco Wine
Good old “Liquid Crack”
Gets me dead drunk
I start spewin’ bunk

Cisco Wine
If I don’t drink, I’m fine
To jail, I won't go
To detox, I won't go

I swore off that cheap wine
Thoughts of booze got in my head
I was right to quit it
Cisco wine gets me trashed

Cisco Wine
Stay clear of it
Don't drink it alone
It will make you be
A drunken dummy

I swore off that cheap wine
Thoughts of booze got in my head
I was right to quit it
Cisco wine gets me trashed


Cisco Wine
Stay clear of it
Don't drink it alone
It will make you be
A drunken dummy

Cisco Wine, you make me feel like crap
You keep me pukin’ all over my lap
Cisco Wine, you make me truly trashed
I get real sick when I drink you fast
Cisco Wine, you make me feel so bad
Anytime I imbibe, it’s not so rad
Cisco Wine you make me feel like crap
I speak gibberish and it sounds like rap
Cisco Wine, one fifth alcohol*
Whole darn bottle, to the ground I’ll fall

Cisco Wine, you really do taste bad
You’re never advertised, ‘cause no one wants an ad
Cisco Wine, you make me need a stomach pump
Fruity and boozy, fit only for chumps
Cisco Wine’s got a ghetto style
Cisco Wine, in a brown paper sack, yeah

Give me little time, and I’ll dump all the wine
Dumped the Cisco wine, helped me clear up my mind
Flushed my Cisco wine because it plowed me under
Made me feel bad all of the time
Cisco Wine, you make me feel like crap
I saw elephants, in the color pink
Up I woke, the elephants gone
Smokin’ straight cigs with a bad hangover

Cisco Wine, I'm gonna dump you all out
Dump you all out cause I know you hurt me
Cisco Wine, I drank you and I nearly died
Drank and nearly died, and that's no lie
Cisco Wine, banished you from my life
Wherever you are, I’ll stay clear
Clear I’ll surely be, make no doubts, I’ll stay true


Cisco Wine, I'm gonna dump you all out
Dump you all out cause I know you hurt me
Cisco Wine, I drank you and I nearly died
Drank and nearly died, and that's no lie
Cisco Wine, banished you from my life
Wherever you are, I’ll stay clear
Clear I’ll surely be, make no doubts, I’ll stay true

Cisco Wine, you really do taste bad
You’re never advertised, ‘cause no one wants an ad
Cisco Wine, you make me need a stomach pump
Fruity and boozy, fit only for chumps
Cisco Wine’s got a ghetto style
Cisco Wine, find it in a bodega*
Cisco Wine, in a brown paper sack, yeah

This is the hardest OS (original song) that I have parodied so far. Wikipedia Article on low-end fortified wines, including Cisco

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   16
 16
 16
 

User Comments

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Mark Scotti - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm seeing double...no tripple.....flives, that is for this achoholic deight!
Andria - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mark. Very funny comment, btw, reminiscent of what happens after getting wasted on Cisco.
Christie Marie M - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
I did some research about Cisco wine and learned that that is considered not only a beverage dessert wine, but "liquid crack" as mentioned in your top comments. According to BumWine.com, they mentioned that the FTC also forced them to drop their marketing slogan, "Takes You by Surprise," even though it was entirely accurate. I didn't like the OS as a kid, but your parody really fits the OS very well! I quote Waldo from "Family Matters" about drinking: "I swore off. Booze gives me a British accent!" Let me toast you with some 5's!
2Eagle - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Yeah, t'aint worth it, but your parody is. I have a wine parody in the works.
Guy - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Andria - We have wine day at work - That is when we set aside one day and everyone whines about their jobs. I drank a lot when I was much younger - now I may have one snifter of wine on New Years eve. When I drank I was once told that I had a drinking problem. I said what problem - I drink, I fall down... no problem. Back in the day the military glamorized alchohol consumption. Military organizations would have outings and alcohol consumption went off the scale. A few times I downed so much alcohol that the next day the hangover was so bad that when I'd check the paper, I'd have an honorable mention in the obits.

WC Fields in a French Restaurant:

WC - I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.
French Waiter (FW) - I'm sorry monsieur but we are out of horse.
WC - Well then bring me some duck.
FW - oui monsieur - will monsieur be dining alone or perhaps ha ha ha maybe a lady friend will join you?
Ah yes - I would have my lady friend here but she had a terrible accident.
FW - Sac le bleu monsieur what happened?
WC - Well she's a dancer and she got her heel caught in her ear ring doing high kicks.
FW - All ze beautiful ladies in Par-ee dance in ze "can can"
WC - They dance in the can can do they? Well if they had to pay 10 cents over here like they do in the states there would be a lot less dancing in there.
WOuld monsieur perfer a little brandy with dinner? I heard that Napolean loved brandy.
WC - He liked brandy huh? I heard he was a card cheat
FW - Napolean? a card cheat? Well would monsieur like some brandy?
WC - Yeah yeah - don't beat me over the head with it just bring me some.
FW - Snifter?
WC - What'd you say?
FW - Snifter?
No, I must have missed her. Was she headed for the can can?

I do some drinking parodies, in fact I wrapped one up this morning - look for it next week sometime. It's nothing great. One of my better ones is done to the Steely Dan OS "Deacon Blues" which I call "Sneakin' Booze" If you want to check it out here is the link.

http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/steelydan105.shtml

If you DKTOS the youtube link to the os is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inz9Sa_CVFs

Your parody is most excellent and I got a buzz just from reading it. You put a lot of work into this. I'd toast it with a shot of Four Roses but they'd have to change the name to Five Roses in order to do that. I learned the term Bodega from Law and Order on TV - someone is always getting offed in a bodega. The other term I learned on Law and Order is LUDS. Fine write and I hope you like my story telling.
Old Man Ribber - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Don't know the specific brand, but I assume it's from the same level of such vintages as Wild Irish Rose, MD 20/20, and so forth. Your parody, however, is pure Chateau Lafitte Amiright.
Gari J - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
I dont know about Cisco wine but where I grew up its a cider called white lighting 7% strong (I know not exactly 20%) but consider you drink it pint by pint it can take down even the most competent drinker down in 4 -5 pints. Good use of lyrics Andria i give 555% proof
@OMR - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
I grew up in an Italian neighborhood and they made a fine vintage called dago red. It had the kick of a mule and the guys that made this stuff were from the old country. Alot of them were retired coal miners and in the summertime they grew huge gardens. They would work in the gardens for hours on end and always have a jug of their home brew while working but never did you see them drunk. They had no tolerance for drunkeness but they could drink a half gallon over a period of six or more hours while working their gardens and never get snockered.

Thunderbird was another brand of rot gut. We called MD 20/20 Mad Dog 20/20 because it would turn you into a mad dog. And I also have never heard of Cisco Wine. I'm an IT professional who is currently working networks and communications. I thought when I saw Andria's title that it somehow had to do with Cisco Systems Corporation who is to routers and switches what Microsoft is to operating systems. Cisco is the world leader in network hardware and software. So when we have Whine day at work I whine about Cisco because their systems are so complex that the frustration level can get you to stroke out when troubleshooting a problem. - Guy
Sober Fiddlegirl - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
A finely aged ode to misspent youth... :D
Andria - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks Christie... I read that FTC press release, and in addition to being required to can their slogan, they had to label every bottle "Not A Wine Cooler" because it tastes something like a Bartles & Jaymes with a strong alcoholic overtone and an aftertaste to match, in addition to being banned in certain jurisdictions, thanks 2Eagle, this parody was certainly worth the 6 days I put into it, and I'm looking forward to your wine parody, thanks Guy, "wine day" sounds like a blast, we have the same thing where I work around lunch hour every Friday, it doesn't have an official name but just gets called "piss and moan time", and the story was great, thanks OMR, EXACTLY the same vintage, thanks Gari, we just call that "hard cider" Stateside and illegally-produced whisky gets called "white lightning" here, thanks again, Guy, even though it was more for OMR than me, and thanks to Fiddlegirl. I may just have to have a drink of alcohol after I write this. (NOT Cisco, though. Sorry for those who want me to turn into an idiot. ;-)
AFW - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Enjoyed your poetic whine about wine...
alvin - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
lol...never heard of cisco...sounds like a treat, alright
Andria - August 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks to AFW and Alvin.
TT - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Wine, wine, whine...
Andria - August 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, TT. LOL at your comment, by the way.
Andria to OMR - August 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Cisco and Wild Irish Rose are made by the same company (Centerra Wines, formerly known as Canandaigua Wine Company), which has the dubious distinction of being the US' largest supplier of fortified wine.
blackjack21 - August 10, 2009 - Report this comment

A fine wine parody. This brought to mind the song "Cisco Kid" by War. But he drink whiskey, Poncho drank the wine. Might be a sequel in there somewhere for you. :-)

Haha, code was XXX, which is what you see on moonshine jugs in all the cartoons and comics. :-D
Andria - August 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, blackjack21.
Mark Scotti - April 13, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC) Use to be 'Boone's Farm" in my day, but they all "get you there".
Agrimorfee - April 13, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC) A very hard song to do, indeed. The best parts were the "toasting" sections (where the singer does the ska-style rap). The chorus does't leave much room for further creativity.
Andria - April 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mark and Agrimorfee.
Matthias - April 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Not too bad... Remind me never to drink this stuff... Ever! By the way, Thanks for the warning.
tomario - April 16, 2010 - Report this comment
sounds like paint stripper! i dont drink, now i know why! lol. dam fine parody (hic!) 555
Christie Marie M - April 17, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC C/D) Nice to read this again! Never get tired of this song and your satire! I would never be caught dead drinking Cisco, that's for sure!
Andria - April 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks, Matthias... indeed vile and disgusting, Cisco is, thanks, Tomario... you want paint thinner-flavored alcohol, look for Everclear, moonshine or poteen (all just about pure grain alcohol)...and thanks, Christie. For a cheap wine, let me recommend anything by Arbor Mist or Carlo Rossi, I think I've had a little too much of the former's strawberry white zinfandel tonight. :-)
DJ Blaze - May 02, 2010 - Report this comment
Cisco Wine ain't a friend of mine, but this was still a good one. 555
Below Average Dave - May 02, 2010 - Report this comment
I have to be honest Andria, I had trouble following this. . .it didn't seem to pace quite right, perhaps it was a different version (this song has been released in several ways) The idea was pretty funny, I've never heard of Cisco Wine, so I'll take your words on it. . .
bobpiecheese - May 03, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC-CD) I'd say that I've never heard of Cisco, but that's as surprising as, say, discovering the sky is blue. Still, very good parody, 555, blah blah blah. (ps OMG DID U KNO THE SKY IZ BLU ZOMG).
Abbott Skelding - May 03, 2010 - Report this comment
ABC- Not bad, never heard the original song though.

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