Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Crap Scans"

Original Song Title:

"Clap Hands"

Original Performer:

Tom Waits

Parody Song Title:

"Crap Scans"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Stupid scanning machine, work! This is clearly not my fault!
Lame, lame, it's all so lame
I can't make one that's aligned straight
I'm tryna make a pamphlet but what hurts my brain
Is all my attempts so far are very far from great

Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans

Oh Lord, Lord, I need help from the Lord
Make this not have a random splash of colours poured
Dude, how does that work, though? Hate these stupid controls
They have driven me to mild despair, won't work towards my goal

Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans

I need, need this to turn out neat
But each pass is bollocks, all grainy though I had cleaned
Each surface hard until I had to bandage my hands
And so I'm quite sure that that's not where the problem's at

Balls, balls, machine has gone and stalled
At least I think that's the issue that's befalled
Because I don't know how this thing works at all
But I think it's super fair to blame it for my fall

Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans

Only me, me who's failin', you see
Cause I've been here watchin' other folks use this machine
This exact one that's killed ev'ry attempt, but these hacks
Walk up so damn sure that they've got this whole thing down pat

I, I don't understand why
How these people get this awful thing to work each time
Drivin' me barmy, sanity's taken a toll
Don't need those directions, I can wing this, I know

Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans

" You get the instructions, you unwrap it, and throw the instructions out the window! “Forget them, fuck ‘em! I must know how this works, I’ve used machines before…” (mimes typing furiously) “Come on… come on! Come on! This bit comes off, I think…” (pulls and breaks bit) And you smash it with a hammer! I get really fucked off with the machines"

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.

Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Seth - July 02, 2022 - Report this comment
Crap parody

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 729