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Song Parodies -> "Crap Scans"

Original Song Title:

"Clap Hands"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Tom Waits

Parody Song Title:

"Crap Scans"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Stupid scanning machine, work! This is clearly not my fault!
Lame, lame, it's all so lame
I can't make one that's aligned straight
I'm tryna make a pamphlet but what hurts my brain
Is all my attempts so far are very far from great

Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans

Oh Lord, Lord, I need help from the Lord
Make this not have a random splash of colours poured
Dude, how does that work, though? Hate these stupid controls
They have driven me to mild despair, won't work towards my goal

Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans

I need, need this to turn out neat
But each pass is bollocks, all grainy though I had cleaned
Each surface hard until I had to bandage my hands
And so I'm quite sure that that's not where the problem's at

Balls, balls, machine has gone and stalled
At least I think that's the issue that's befalled
Because I don't know how this thing works at all
But I think it's super fair to blame it for my fall

Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans

Only me, me who's failin', you see
Cause I've been here watchin' other folks use this machine
This exact one that's killed ev'ry attempt, but these hacks
Walk up so damn sure that they've got this whole thing down pat

I, I don't understand why
How these people get this awful thing to work each time
Drivin' me barmy, sanity's taken a toll
Don't need those directions, I can wing this, I know

Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans
Crap scans, crap scans

" You get the instructions, you unwrap it, and throw the instructions out the window! “Forget them, fuck ‘em! I must know how this works, I’ve used machines before…” (mimes typing furiously) “Come on… come on! Come on! This bit comes off, I think…” (pulls and breaks bit) And you smash it with a hammer! I get really fucked off with the machines"

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

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