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Song Parodies -> "Held Me Down"

Original Song Title:

"Hold Me Down"

Original Performer:

Thompson Twins

Parody Song Title:

"Held Me Down"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Thought it couldn't get worse after yesterday's epic fart parody? Well, THINK AGAIN. Also, this really is the first time in years that I've written a parody that's not for any contest-type dealie (stupid 404 thing didn't count).
I had an eggplant
Shoved up my arse
I can't recall why, but no one would
Remove it, it was quite the farce

Nobody would dare put
Their fingers up there
Except for my doctor
But he's kinda weird
With no surgical flair
And so

Held me down, WITH
His large arm
Fingers plunged
Into my arse
(Right up my arse)

Didn't see him with gloves
Quite out of his mind
Now he is searching
Feeling 'round my bowels
For that eggplant of mine

No, maybe it was Barry's
OW OW or maybe Jay's?
But why am I debating
This pointless factoid
When this man's fisting me?
Oh no, oh no

Still held down, OW
Hear him gasp
"Here it is!"
Found that eggplant
(Found that eggplant)

And so now, POP
Out my arse
There it is
Within his grasp
(His smelly grasp)

So I'm walking funny
For the next few weeks
It's hard to sit down
Harder still to stand up
Pain runs straight through both cheeks

So I think I'll change clinics
Won't see him any more
Though even if I avoid him
His face will stay
In my mind forever more
Whoa no, whoa no

Can't sit down OW
(Can't sit even for a mo)
Burning hard
(Sounds like an innuendo)
Deary me
(Ooohooohooo lordy me)
My poor old arse
My poor old arse

Can't bend down OW
(Can't bend down, it makes me curse)
Can't run fast
(When I get the runs, it's worse)
Look at me
(Ooohooohooo look at me)
My legs apart
Like cowboys are

(Repeat and fade, when the painkillers start to take effect)
You read it, you can't unread it! And for extra uneasiness, imagine the doctor having the physique of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ouch.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - August 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Up Yours! (Your parody, that is. This song really gets you in the end.) ;D
Peter Andersson - August 17, 2010 - Report this comment
I was kinda sure that mine would be the most uneasy song of the day, but you showed this one right up there for an asstight competition on that "honour"...
Matthias - August 17, 2010 - Report this comment
So let me get this straight.... Your first parody in years that wasn't for any project was about getting arse raped by Arnold Schwarzenegger with random objects just laying about such as an eggplant? Okay, Just making sure.... Painfully awkward.
bobpiecheese - August 17, 2010 - Report this comment
No, it was about getting an eggplant removed from my arse by a Schwarzenegger doppelganger in a manner quite unorthodox for a doctor. I wonder who voted 222, it seems unusual.
Christie Marie M - August 17, 2010 - Report this comment
You haven't heard the 'end' of this yet. An eggplant up the arse...that's something! But rather painful. Saved your arse...with 5's that is!
Matthias - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
See above.... You already know my opinion on this little piece.
Abbott Skelding - September 13, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM: Never heard the OS, but this was a little weird...even for me...and I wrote a song about Santa taking it all off for a magazine! lol
Mark Scotti - September 20, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM - "plugged" you with fives...
Below Average Dave - September 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Oh my lord TCOP, poor. . .Eggplant. . .watch where you put stuff, seriously :)
Jeff Reuben - September 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Speaking of "didn't expect this from you" ;) Funny stuff, wherever you put it :)

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