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Song Parodies -> "Spank the Stiffness (SFW)"

Original Song Title:

"Thanks for Christmas"

Original Performer:

The Three Wise Men (aka XTC)

Parody Song Title:

"Spank the Stiffness (SFW)"

Parody Written by:

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd

The Lyrics

I had a hard time coming up with an idea for this round - but as I was painfully stretching my quads, using my foam roller and self-massaging my soles post workout one finally came to me.

A YouTube version of the original song can currently be found here.
Spank the stiffness
Spank your aching quads and sore(OUCH!)ness is going down
Move around

Spank the stiffness
Cramp the cramp and tendon tenderness that's making rounds
Cry out like a girl

It's tear time
Treadmill miles you regret now
As you're locked up in the knees
And your quads are in a freeze

It's tear time
Lifting tyres you regret now
In the gym room's testy air
Your shins' bruised and back's impaired

Spank the stiffness
Spank your aching shins and sore(OUCH!)ness is going down
Put it down

Spank the stiffness
Cramp the cramp and tendon tenderness that's making rounds
Make you retch and hurl

The foam roll's
Satan's rollback workout(OUCH!)
Now you can't get off the ground
Swinging kettle bells around

The foam roll
When your muscles' burning(OUCH!)
Yesterday you got in gear
Switched aminos for a beer(OUCH!)

Spank the stiffness

It's such a shame most only do this once a year
Three hundred and sixty-four kebabs they'll persevere
They've been building up a gut
Hanging out
With flabb'ness everywhere

Spank the stiffness
Spank your aching soles and sore(OUCH!)ness is going down
Knuckle down

Spank the stiffness
Cramp the cramp and tendon tenderness that's making rounds
Making toenails curl

Spank the stiffness
Spank the stiffness
Spank the stiffness

© Peter Andersson.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   4
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - December 15, 2017 - Report this comment
At least you had a section of the song that I could relate to. The part about "such a shame most only do this once a year". I've tried working out at the gym before but I've always been so bored by it that I didn't want to go back
Agrimorfee - December 15, 2017 - Report this comment
I had nothing but prurient thoughts in mind at the title, so I was surprised at the direction you took. This was not a gut-busting laugh, but your creativity is still tops.
Peter Andersson - December 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Yeah, I wasn't able to get as many puns out of this one as I hoped, but the title idea was hard to resist so I ran with that.

@ Matthias: You should try to up your exercise to at least twice a year, once in the spring and once in the autumn, that way you can truthfully tell your insurance company (and your doctor) that you're working out regularly!
Jeff Reuben - December 18, 2017 - Report this comment
I was totally thinking of WhatFreaks when I saw the title. As I get older, I can relate to this after my runs more and more.

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