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Song Parodies -> "Any Lass, I'll Date"

Original Song Title:

"Every Breath You Take"

Original Performer:

The Police

Parody Song Title:

"Any Lass, I'll Date"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Lothario? I'm not even Italian....:-D
Any lass, I'll date
Yes, any gal, I'll rate
Whether gay or straight, thin or overweight
Coz I love to woo!

Any babe, I'll charm
A stripper or school marm
From a town or farm; missing leg or arm
I'll still want to woo!

It pleases me....
Honey, you look great;
But so did the last eight!

Any chick, I'll win
With any hue of skin
Sisters with long pins; even better...twins!
(What I'd do with two...)

Hey, what's wrong? Are ya p*ssed? You punched my face
Just coz I said you look so amazing, Grace
Your name is Kate, so it's fair that blood I taste
While other fellers would think, "Oh, what a waste"
I'll keep tryin': ladies, ladies, wheeee!!!


It's not for me...
I'm a giving boy;
I like to spread the joy!

Many honeys, laid
So many beds, unmade
All my skills displayed; man, I should be PAID
For the good I do
Any lass, I'll date; Every lust, I'll sate
Coz I love to woo!

Yes, I love to woo...
(Though he thinks he's great,
He can't get a date
He's in bed by eight
Lyin' reprobate)

Erm...I LOVE to woo...
(A big stud, he ain't
Dull as drying paint
Sixty nine complaints
He sees boobs and faints)

That just isn't true!
(Girls say he's a flake
They all get "headaches"
Orgasms, they fake
They can't stay awake)

Hey, shut up, you two!
(You know things aren't great
When your blow-up date
Chooses to deflate
Rather than partake)

OK, guys...we're through....

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   16

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Another one straight from the annals of personal experience, eh K? Lovely stuff..
Agrimorfee - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Excellent! I couldn't think of something clever for the fadeout vocals when I wrote my parody in 1983.
Quagmire - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Giggity Giggity - All Riiight! A man after my own heart - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Amazing, Grace. Er, Kristof. The battle with the truth-telling background singers is genius.
Rick C - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
I would love to hear Sting sing this version! Masterful 555.
Peter Andersson - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
On top of everything (everyone?) else one gotta love that his also is pretty much the story of Sting himself now that he has confessed that doing kama sutra loooove for six hours or more a day was all a publicity stunt lie, he-he! :-)
MasonR - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Love it! Great fade-out crosstalk! 555
Ann Hammond - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
he he
alvin - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
you took a lame song and came up with a fave of the day
Matthias - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
I've always hated this OS.... Until now. This original song couldn't be any lamer, and this parody couldn't get greater. The entire thing was Kristof godliness. The ending really tickled me though, and I would LOVE for Below Average Dave to record this one for you so I can do a video to it.
Kristof Robertson - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks a bunch Phil, Ag, Quagmire, Spaff, Rick, Peter, Mason, Ann, Alvin and Matty...I haven't written anything for AGES so it was a bit hard getting back into the saddle. The support is much appreciated.
Jason - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
I wish I thought of this! Very good! 555
Kristof Robertson - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Cheers, Jase!
stuart mcarthur - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
beautiful to read Kristof - all the internal rhymes (as in the OS of course) and the pacing - the whole thing is hilarious and Kristofian, but the blow-up doll choosing to self-deflate rather than partake was just gold - lol - 555
Kristof Robertson - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Stu!! Thanks mate...that's you, Rick C AND Spaff leaving comments on the same day...magic. Cheers, and great to see you around again
Below Average Dave - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
It is certainly in my vocal range, maybe in the near future (so many projects with the convention, you, Jack , Jeff, and hopefully Rick among many others) but I will always give first dibs to the parodist himself, though everyone knows, my opinion of this song is far greater than yours:) Good job Kristof, well paced, and very funny, as you know this was my first SOTM entry (got 0'd) so I think it's safe to say you beat mine to a pulp.
Below Average Dave - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
Forgot to mention, the first part until I said Kristof in that statement was intended towards Matthias.
Invisible Boy - June 04, 2008 - Report this comment
So nice to see a new Kristof masterpiece. I loved what you did with the back-up vocal lines as well.
It's also a testimonial to your popularity here to see how many showed-up to vote and comment.
Charlie M - June 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Fresh man, one of the funniest I've seen for a bit, very very good bro
Kristof Robertson - June 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Wow! Thanks Dave (I'll let you know), IB and Charlie. Heck, I should stay away more often!!! ;-)
LittleCupCakes - June 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Great work here, Lord Kristof !! This Lass enjoyed reading it, Sir.

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