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Song Parodies -> "88 Lines About 140 Discontinued Varieties at 31 Flavors"

Original Song Title:

"88 Lines About 44 Women"

Original Performer:

The Nails

Parody Song Title:

"88 Lines About 140 Discontinued Varieties at 31 Flavors"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

Note for paceophiles: The original follows a steady rhythm but takes liberties matching lyrics to it, occasionally changing the number of syllables and their emphasis. To make a parody this long easier to follow for you, dear reader, I've kept the lyrics in a consistent meter. As for the numbers: like on menus, they're just guideposts; you don't say them.
88 LINES ABOUT 140 DISCONTINUED VARIETIES AT 31 FLAVORS

[1] Booger Brickle [2] Thumbtack Cluster
[3] Britney Spearmint [4] Musty Pump
[5] Melanoma Mucus Maple
[6] Nutty Bloody Rodent Stump
[7] Toe Jam-ocha [8] Nipple Ripple
[9] Prozac Praline [10] Backwash Burp
[11] Head & Shoulders Flakes-o-Plentee
[12] Rocky Mountain Oyster Slurp

(Yummm...)

[13] Apple Shrapnel [14] Anal Whisper
[15] Ripe New Orleans Basement Sludge
[16] Jack Straw Berry [17] Crack Horchata
[18] Burnt-Out Allman Brothers Fudge
[19] Oral Sturgeon [20] Whooping Coffee
[21] Rocky Marriage [22] Taste-T-Tongue
[23] Fish McNougat [24] Juju Eyeball
[25] Sherpa Sherbet [26] Monkey Lung

(Yummm...)

[27] Squashed Grasshopper [28] French Silk Skidmark
[29] Hormel Hepatitis Hash
[30] Condoleezza Rice-a-Roni
[31] Prickly Poison Rhubarb Rash
[32] Inbred Pudding [33] Lug Nut Sundae
[34] Crawling Cucaracha Crunch
[35] Spinal Tapioca Truffle
[36] Ku Klux Kluster [37] Carpet Munch

(Yummm...)

[38] Scout Camp Mess Kit [39] Poison I.V.
[40] Tooth Plaque Forest [41] Leprous Monk
[42] Jalapeno Jalitosis
[43] Missing Digit Chili Chunk
[44] Jack Black's Walnuts [45] Coral Reefer
[46] Bit o' Honky [47] Anxious Ape
[48] Tighty Whitey Fudge Almighty!
[49] Salmon Nilla [50] Abu Grape

(Yummm...)

[51] Furry Curry Slurry Flurry
[52] Goat's Head Cheesecake [53] Chocolate Choad
[54] Diabetic Foot Explosion!
[55] Hippie Hurl [56] Iraqi Road
[57] Tasty Teste [58] Pickled Fetus
[59] Minty Paint Chip [60] Nuts o' Brass
[61] Reese's Feces [62] Bastard Custard
[63] Hair Gelato [64] Caramel Ass

(Yummm...)

[65] Lic'rice Whips-n-Chains Addiction
[66] Rumsfeld Raisin [67] Creme de Meth
[68] Alpine Alpo [69] Agent Orange
[70] Tragic Chocoholic Death
[71] Sing Sing Ginseng [72] Peachy Mulva
[73] Figgy Puddin' Piggy Filth
[74] Sawmill-Severed Ladyfinger
[75] Me So Honey [76] Malted MILF

(Uh-huh. Me honey.)
(Yummm...)

[77] Gonorrhific! [78] Weevil Revel
[79] Shards o' Shellfish [80] Hot Pink Eye
[81] Tobleroney Butt Baloney
[82] Very Cherry Jailbait Pie
[83] Spamaretto [84] Menthol Illness
[85] Flaccid Peanuts [86] Fruity Flies
[87] Funky Chunkies Flung by Monkeys
[88] Jeffrey Dahmer Fridge Surprise

(Yummm...)

[89] Tin Foil Sundae [90] Dingle Berry
[91] Liniminty [92] Windpipe Crush
[93] Split Pea Like a Racehorse Streusel
[94] Granny's Ashes [95] Double Flush
[96] Moist Madonna [97] Liquor Biscuit
[98] Fudgie Wedgie [99] Candied Smack
[100] Ultra Nutty Public Meltdown
[101] Sugar Plumber Fairy Crack

(Yummm...)

[102] John BisGotti [103] Tir-mi-sewer
[104] Throbbing Cocktail [105] Lime Disease
[106] Take it Up the Butter Pecan
[107] Maggot Nougat [108] Aller-Cheese
[109] Peanut Bugger [110] Hellish Relish
[111] Hairball Barfait [112] Cookie Dope
[113] Single! Double! Triple! Bypass!
[114] FEMA Brownie [115] Rancid Pope

[116] Kim Jong Oatmil [117] Hubby's Chubby
[118] Nutmeg Ryan [119] Quispy Queen
[120] Egg Saddamlette [121] Kiwi Bird Flu
[122] Sort-of Soy-Based Soylent Green
[123] Mayopectate [124] It's De Leeches!
[125] Virgin River Beaver Joy
[126] Chunks of Stuff Found in Your Keyboard
[127] Poop Chute Boogie [128] Lips Ahoy!

[129] Statutory Grapefruit [130] Smeggnog
[131] Bloody Sundae [132] Yellow Snow
[133] Spiced Al Qaida Sui Cider
[134] Boysenberry Manilow
[135] Fun! Fun! Fungus! [136] Green Mustachio
[137] Earwax Crumble [138] Apri-clot
[139] Super Bubble Gum Infection
[140] Double Chocolate Money Shot

(88 lines about 31 Flavors)

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 34

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 1
 
 4   1
 2
 1
 
 5   33
 30
 31
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Arwen - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
You know, I worked at Baskin Robbins for 3 years when I was in high school...and I can back Spaff up...none of these flavors flew...but I can't say that I STILL don't miss a few of them. Mostly "Tighty Whitey Fudge Almighty!" and, of course, "Bastard Custard."

As a sidenote, one of my favorite memories of my time at the store was taking orders from people who couldn't pronounce the ice cream flavors. Almost nobody could actually pronounce the "Daiquiri" in "Daiquiri Ice," but my favorite guy called it "Dickwid Ice." AND...one Halloween, we had a delicious/disgusting confection called "Transylvania Twist," which one old man called "Transvestite Twist."
alvin rhodes - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
this is flat out insane...i love it...i'd give ya 31s if i could..(unlike the thirty ONES i got on a song once)
John Barry - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Unbelievable! How long did this take you to compose? It's brilliantly clever.
Phil Alexander - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Very clever indeed - too many favourite flavours to mention... but Abu Grape and Juju Eyeball were possibly the picks for me
Matthias - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow! Just thinking about this gives me brain freeze!
Josh 999 - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
I bet this was probably a hard song to parody. It's quite creative, though.
Dee Range - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
This has some great lines in it. See lines 1 through 88 above. Please send some of whatever you are on down here Texas way, if you can escape the asylum, that is. 555
Ravyn Rant - December 16, 2005 - Report this comment
I can't choose a favorite verse, Spaff - this is roll-on-the-floor funny! 555
Jack Wilson - December 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Great job! 555!
Spaff.com - December 19, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, scholar rhodes & St Matthias & Josh & Dee Texified & Rantyn Rave & Local Celebrity!

Sister Evenstar: Oh, I remember those days. I'd come in and ask you for a taste, and you'd give me a little pink spoon of Dickweed Ice or something, and I'd say, No, a TASTE, if you know what I mean, baby, and ultimately Security would have to escort me out. Those were good days.

Philbo: Juju Eyeball came within a hair of being cut on the final edit. Goes to show you never can tell.

Johnglebarry: I had this about half written as something else, then scrapped it and started over with ice cream flavors. I brainstormed ideas for weeks. I'd be at the grocery store or at a concert or driving or something, and I'd come up with one and have to scribble it down on a credit card receipt or Post-It. I've still got a pile of notes sitting here on my desk, and I wonder how many more I lost. So: too long, to answer your question. But I've never had this much fun writing a parody, so I suppose it was worth it.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - December 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Dismembered December Delicasy! SOTM Quality Galore! All 31s, if I could!
DKTOS? - January 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Don't Know The Original Song? It's temporarily available at spaff.com/dktos

And thanx, Peter.
Chris Frederick - January 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent! Not an easy song to match for pacing, but you did a remarkable job of it. 555
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - January 07, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - I'm glad you picked this one for this month Spaff, it has got to be one of my favorite parodies of yours, not a single filler line, heck... not even a single filler word!!! And TOS is great too!
Silver Power - January 08, 2006 - Report this comment
[SOTM] DKTOS, but I loved this! Very creative! Made me laugh a lot! 555!
Matthias - January 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This has got to win! You soda jerker!
bobpiecheese - January 08, 2006 - Report this comment
[SOTM] Well, my hopes of winning Song Of The Month are well and truly screwed. Thanks a lot. At least this song's hilarity cheers me up a little. If you record this I'll be truly greatful.
Agrimorfee - January 09, 2006 - Report this comment
[SOTM] IN--F****ING---CREDIBLE. 10-10-10 if it were possible.
Adagio - January 12, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) MMM...Delicious!!! 5's
wannabemustangjockey - January 14, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) All in favor of giving Spaff a lobotomy, say "I". This is too funny! I don't know how you manage to do this without sitting there with a dictionary and a stack of newspapers at your side - unless, of course, you did. The wordplay here is just too clever (if a bit sick in places)! Wait...what do you mean you don't have Tragic Chocoholic Death?! Damn, that ruins my whole day now...
Tim Mayfield - January 24, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - Dizzying list. I'm not sure what it is, but I learned something from this parody. I must admit the 'Funky Chunkies Flung by Monkeys' sounds more like an IHOP entree than 31 Flavors...
Red Ant - January 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) TMGFTM -Too Many Good Flavors To Mention. And also stuff that is likely to be seen on Fear Factor. And since no one else has mentioned it kudos on parodying your name after D4L's "Laffy Taffy", even if it is an annoying song. There is not a single wasted line in here. I have no idea how Robert Lund is going to record this. The speed alone is a bit hairy, but making it through a list of 140 tongue-twisting and funny ice cream puns is going to be close to impossible.
Jack Wilson - January 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Already voted but this deserved 140 votes!! 700-700-700!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Kristof Robertson - January 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) She-hit, man. I KNOW I've read this; can't think why I didn't leave a comment. More wordplay here than in a hundred parodies by the rest of us. This is a parody that MAKES you want to keep reading, just to see what else the mighty SPaff can come up with. Genius is not an ample description. 555+++
Rick C - January 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This is one of those parodies where you say, "Now, why didn't I think of this!". Well, only you could think to do this, this well. I don't know how I didn't vote and comment on this earlier. I've read it through once with the music and about five times without it. I'd recall my favorite lines for you but, all I'd do is copy and paste the whole parody in this little box. Excellent parody, Spaff.com!
Stuart McArthur - January 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(sotm) this is clearly a masterpiece spaff, just on the wordplay alone, let alone all the glowing tributes this has received, and is still a standout parody for the month, but I have been frustrated in that I DKTOS, I couldn't get the download to work, my Limewire is down thanks to a new harddrive (hence the delay in commenting while I've been trying to fix it all up), and we don't have that icecream chain in Australia so I feel like I'm missing out on the full appreciation of your trademark subtlety in eg. plays on flavour names that everyone else seems to be getting, compared with, say, your Odysseus parody where every gag scored a bulls-eye on my funny-bone - but I loved the juju eyeball and iraqi road lines, and the boysenberry manilow and nutmeg ryan were wit/pacing diamonds
Larry Hensley - January 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Interesting.
Jeff Reuben - January 31, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM: Wow, a old favorite OS and I've sent this to several people, yet hadn't commented yet. Brilliant stuff, loved the line about ice cream =)
Josh 2 - January 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, ?????????????????????????? What?????????????? 5s
Claude Prez - January 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Okay, TMGLTM for starters. Every syllable is fantastic. I couldn't possibly single out a favorite flavor; it's mind-blowing to try. More laughs in one song than in many people's entire catalog. By a wide margin. Just keep raising the bar so we can all limbo under it.
Johnny D - January 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Spaff, you have a brilliantly elastic and mercurial sense of the music of words, the rhythm of syllables, and the ingenious insanity of unmitigated free association.
Chris Frederick - February 01, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Already commented, but doing so again for SOTM. Very funny stuff, and I'm still impressed by the pacing.
Matthias - February 02, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM's End) Once again great parody Spaff, deserves every last vote expecpt for that shitte head who voted 4,4,4 on this parody. Once again one of the most amazing parodies, I've ever had the oppertunity to witness!
Spaff.com - February 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Belated thanx, C-Fred & Peterchyd (again) & Spindler Power & St Matthias (again) & conquerorofcheese & Aggro & Patagio & Local Celebrity & Overlord Kristof & Rick the Cornier & Jeffaroo & Claude 4 Prez & C-Fred (again) & St Matthias (again again)!

Mustang: No stack of newspapers, but I always write with a bunch of web browsers open. It slows me way down and probably causes ADHD, but it's much more fun than staring at a blank page.

Tim Mayfling: That flavor was actually stolen from Ben & Jerry (Chunky Monkey). Speaking of IHOP, I drove past one tonight; the -akes in the sign was burned out and at first glance I thought it said International House of Panic.

Red Ant: I like to pretend to be cooler than I actually am, but I don't know who D4L is. Laffy Taffy is a candy from my misspent youth. I'm not sure if it's still around. Laffy Taffy, that is; I'm sure that my misspent youth is not.

s2art: You're not missing anything - this is more a parody of the kinds of flavor names that ice cream companies come up with than a parody of actual flavor names. Dig? And you really should maintain your pursuit of the OS - it's one of the best songs of the 80s.

Larry & Josh: Thanks for fulfilling your SOTM commenting obligations.

Johnny BD: I dunno; I tend to think of my association as too mitigated and not free enough.
Johnny D - February 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Don't we all, oh Mighty One, don't we all.
Red Ant - February 22, 2006 - Report this comment
D4L is a rap group that had a hit in 2005 called "Laffy Taffy". If you repeat "Gurrrrl, shake that laffy taffy, that laffy taffy" 60 times in 4 minutes you pretty much have karaoked the whole song. Didn't realise it was a real flavor.
Mom - March 01, 2006 - Report this comment
I remember the moist Madonna from the Italy days.... And the "tighty whities" from the very young days... Don't I??? I laughed lots!! Good rhymes!
Red Ant - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(2005 SOTY) See above!
Agrimorfee - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTY 05)...Here is my choice for SONG OF THE YEAR.
John Jenkins - March 19, 2006 - Report this comment
As noted by everyone else, the concept is great and every flavor is hilarious, but my two faves are "Jalapeno Halitosis" and "John BisGotti."
Jeff Reuben - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTY: Loved coming back to this again. Will certainly compete with the rest of the Spaff songs for SOTY =)
DECEMBER 2005 SONG OF THE MONTH - April 09, 2006 - Report this comment
First Place
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,15845.0.html
2005 SONG OF THE YEAR - April 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Second Place
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,17591.0.html
Spaff.com - May 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Belated thanx, everyone. And a warning to all: Keep your stuff relatively clean because you JUST NEVER KNOW when your mother will stop by and read it. (Thanks, Mom.)
Don Kemp - November 19, 2006 - Report this comment
With few exceptions. brilliant, apt, insightful, funny, so on target! I wish I had the gift for creating such gems..... but at least I have the wit to appreciate that gift in others.
Spaff.com - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Don: Thanks for the very lovely comment. Since I'm a glutton for punishment, though, I'm wondering which are the "few exceptions."
Aaron - January 28, 2007 - Report this comment
I miss Chocolate Choad...I didn't think such a wonderful flavor was possible.
Spaff.com - February 03, 2007 - Report this comment
Aaron, I'm with ya. It was much better than Fritos Corn Choad.
white trash - January 04, 2010 - Report this comment
wicked wiccan watermelon kemo kiwi blast laura pyper picked a pack of pepers
Spaff.com - February 08, 2010 - Report this comment
You misspelled "peckers."
white trash - February 10, 2010 - Report this comment
oh wow i did misspell and i have bad english i think i might have to go with the rest of the purdue boilermakers

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