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Song Parodies -> "88 Lines about 44 Presidents"

Original Song Title:

"88 Lines about 44 Women"

Original Performer:

The Nails

Parody Song Title:

"88 Lines about 44 Presidents"

Parody Written by:

Merry & Pippin

The Lyrics

A few of the lines may refer to what a president did before or after serving, not neccessarily while in office...
Georgie chopped the cherry tree
"I cannot tell a lie" he said
Johnny was a radical:
tea in harbor? - "Dump it in"
Thomas he liked black girls -
with Sal was so game for to procreate
Mad'son taunted Brits sure;
1812 well he thought it great

Monroe was a doctrinaire
and Pan-Americ, kept it free
Quinc' a transportation freak -
canals and highways criss-crossy
Jacky had that special way
of putting Injuns in the wrong
Van Buren, who beat the Whigs,
lost next term when Panic thronged

Harrison, a sickly type:
pneumonia caught, and didn't last
Tyler got himself impeached -
vetoed bills that should have passed
Polky was the first 'dark horse' -
he Mexico was quick to nab
Zach'ry fought at Buena Vist' -
helped him win that White House grab

And Millard, 'midst the Dred Scott whirl
put California on the map
Franklin's Kansas did erupt
but Gadsden purchase was a wrap
James he did that bachelor walk;
a Compromiser, don't make waves
Honest Abe he had a vision,
he fought a war, and freed the slaves

Andy J. a Southron through,
kept Freedmen trampled by States Rights
U.S. Grant, as statesman, lacked -
did better in the Vicksburg fight
Rutherford, made White House lame:
his temp'rance wife served lemonade
Garfield came and went so fast -
his doctors helped him to his grave

Chester's manly set of whiskers
'bout his only claim to fame
Grover had no spouse but had son;
"Where's my pa?" opponents flamed
Benny he just took up spacey,
didn't do too much at all
Second term - back comes ol' Grovey;
he got a wife then had a ball

You go! Fat Grover-boy!

William fought a war with Cuba
& Philippines to top it off
Theodore he big game hunted,
Western ranchin' liked a lot
Taft he thought up something shady:
Income Tax! Well ain't that great?
Woodrow 'kept us out of war' but
only 'til One Nine One Eight

Warren was a dalliancer:
Nan and bank chicanery
Calvin wasn't prolix see -
in comp'ny words oft' less than three
Herbert Hoover pressed his luck:
Depression left him with no loot
Franklin's main restriction was
that polio had taken root

Harry had allied supporters,
his atom bomb, it shook them up
Dwight D's choice would not have rather
seen his U2 out of luck
Kennedy had Castro problems,
drove those nasty Ruskies home
Johnson, 'Nam he pursued daily;
got his job on Air Force One
Dicky's boys got out of hand
Watergate's polit'cal pox
Gerald the ex-football star
pardoned Nixon, got the chop
Jimmy couldn't quite commit:
Camp David peanut-ist
Ronnie had a lot of guile -
B-list movies, reminisce
Bush Senior sent taxes 'way
'Try lip-reading' would Georgie say
Willie dropped his trousers, hey?
but Monica, she couldn't stay
George has seen his highs and lows -
needs a "Where's Bin Laden?" list
Dubya/Kerry, who will miss?
one will stay, one will be dissed!

Eighty-eight lines about forty-four presidents

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   1
 3   2
 4   7
 5   9

User Comments

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Your Worst Nightmare - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
U.S. Grant, as you said, did better in war. I think he is the worst president the country has ever had. Not that I was there, of course. lol
2nz - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
I DKTOS, but I will find the damn original song and come back, probably today, possibly not for years. But I will return.
2Eagle - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Good history lesson - clever.
Jonathan C. - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
I agree the Grant made a better general than President, but Warren Harding and Franklin Pierce were even worse, IMHO.
Meriadoc - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Ah! But Pierce really didn't do anything, and besides, he was cute! ;-)
Johnny D - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Merry & Pippin, you two have a knack for English idiom! This is superb. 555
Ethan Mawyer - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
some 'postrophe offenses but those weren't too bad. Couple of minor historical problems too... i'm 99% sure that dred scott was during the buchanan presidency and the wars with cuba and phillipines were actually against spain whose empire had basically been reduced to cuba, the phillippines, and everything else we stole from them in the spanish american war. Overall though really good. The doctors helped garfield to his grave was especially impressive i did a little research for a history presentation and read about how the doctors stuck their fingers through the president looking for what the new metal detector said was a bullet but was actually part of the bed. That chapter also talked about a little song about Cleveland that you referred to : "Ma, ma, where's my pa? He's in the white house ha ha ha" ok i'm done now
Meriadoc - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Ethan, you are 100% right about Dred Scott; I was getting it confused with the Fugitive Slave Act, which Fillmore signed. The Phillipines WERE annexed during McKinley's presidency tho' so that part is correct. I'm glad you liked the Garfield line, that was one of my faves too. I saw some of the original newspaper articles on microfilm many years ago and one was headlined: "Bliss blabbles blithely" as Dr. Bliss was Garfield's physician and people were losing confidence in him. And you have the Cleveland couplet down perfectly too; the second half was the Democratic reply to the Republican "Where's my pa?" taut. :-)
alvin rhodes - May 23, 2004 - Report this comment
magnificent...i bow to your greatness
mandamoo - May 23, 2004 - Report this comment
This Aussie has just had a concise lesson in American Presidential history.....and a good laugh along the way ! Excellent stuff, you two !
The Bono - May 23, 2004 - Report this comment
??who cares of small infractions..great pace , great fun ,great writing.. Who are these masked ppl ????
Peregrin - May 23, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm just glad there's no rating scale for historical accuracy or 'postrophe abuse, or we'd be sunk! heh heh.... - May 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Well done, Smeagol & Gollum. I know how much of an effort this was because - I kid you not - I plunged into this exact same idea a few months ago. I was thrilled with the prospect, but then I learned to my bitter disappointment that it had been done before. By "The Brunching Shuttlecocks" (who else?). Check out their lyrics and recording here:

Anyhoo, I'm still bitter. So I thought I'd drag you into my bitterness with me. But nice job, again, even with the 'postrophes.
Meriadoc - May 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Ooops! Thanks for the late warning Spaff - I had no idea. :-) I checked theirs out - it was better overall, but the pacing and rhyme scheme did not match the original nearly as well as ours did! :-D
Ashkicksass - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
That was AWESOME! Bravo!
Michael Pacholek - May 25, 2004 - Report this comment
It was John's cousin Samuel Adams that led the Boston Tea Party. He must have been sampling his product (beer). Tyler was the first to face an impeachment inquiry, but, like his administration, it went nowhere. The Dred Scott case was first filed under Polk in 1846, and wasn't "resolved" until Buchanan in 1857. It was Taylor, not Fillmore, who got California in as a free State, despite being a slaveholder himself. And when Cleveland won, the response was, "Hurrah for Maria! Hurrah for the kid! I voted for Cleveland and I'm damn glad I did!" Of course, to even get this finished is quite an achievement.
Meriadoc - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you for some of the additions and clarifications, Pach. I did know that it was Samuel Adams who was the driving force behind the revolution, but John Adams, Washington and Jefferson were also pro-revolution, and Adams was in Boston, so the tea line still seemed apropo. Didn't know about that additional jingle regarding Cleveland. Great slogan. As for California, it was admitted to the Union Sept. 9, 1850, 3 months after Fillmore took office in July.
John Jenkins - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
A clever idea and carried out very well. If I were to offer more nit picking, it would concern John Tyler. The primary bills that he vetoed were to form a national bank and to increase the tariff, two vetoes that make sense to me.
Agrimorfee - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Pacing problems here and there, but an otherwise witty and well-researched tune! A new classic! 455.
BelindaBear - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Amazing, absolutely amazing! Quite the little trip through history! And I loved the extra tidbits from all of your admirers. Good job!
Robert J. Pagliaro - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
A masterpiece here. I think the comments reflect the respect for the work and the writers here - I mean it's so well done that the natural reaction is to check the facts. Critiques noted, but my guess is, given an opportunity to rewrite the lines in question, the rewrite would still be 5s.
RockandRollFan - June 06, 2004 - Report this comment
It was wonderful but I especially loved the clinton stuff.
Akexandra - August 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Mary Ellen - October 22, 2004 - Report this comment
This was too good. I loved the original. Was impressed by the Shuttlecocks' parody. But, truly, this was the most fun. Well done !
Ashley - November 07, 2008 - Report this comment
somebody need to learn how to rhyme. A country song would be better!!!!!
history buff - November 09, 2008 - Report this comment
john tyler was never impeached. andrew johnson and bill clinton only presidents ever impeached.
Meriadoc - November 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Oooops! I always did confuse Tyler and Johnson....Tyler did all the vetos and got Congress riled up. (insert redface here)
hennyhan - October 09, 2011 - Report this comment
is the last line about Obama?
Peregrin - July 12, 2012 - Report this comment
As the parody was written in 2004, it seems a tad unlikely, methinks. Just sayin'...

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