I know you’re out there Santa
Santa, Santa!
You’ll get to my roof sometime
And sometime we’ll return again to screw

It happens almost yearly
You drop in and get some head
Then you leave behind some packages
For this joyous cheating wife

Though it may cause a commotion
That I’m banging Santa Claus
Cause my son had saw us kiss each other
But that wasn’t the end

I know you’re out there Santa
Santa, Santa!
I know you’re with your reindeer
Somewhere with your sack of toys
I know you’ll land here sometime
Sometime, Sometime
I know I’ll get you Santa
And when you return once again you’re screwed

I’m pregnant with a baby
Since you “Filled my sock with coal”
And my husband left since he found out I cheat
Now I must bring the bacon
With a newborn on the way
Packed my bags I’m going
To your North Pole street

So now I live with Santa
Santa, Santa!
So now I crash at Santa’s
In a land of elves and toys
I’ll find a job here somewhere
Somewhere, somewhere
Cause now I live with Santa
But now my cheeks are frozen and they're blue

(You see you nailed me and Santa
You are now the father Santa)

(You see we’ve got to raise him somehow
Because adoption ain’t my thing now)

Had a quickie one December
Now my children live with you
And my son is glad
That you had married me

But now lately I am worried
Of his constant sugar-high
Neverland with snow
Is where my two sons and husband reside

So now I’m nagging Santa
Santa, Santa!
We’re bound to freeze here Santa
Let’s move the Workshop and our boys
Let’s move it down to Florida
Florida, Flordia
The North Pole was a great house
But I’m tired of having constant flu

Well, I nagged him down to Tampa
(Nagged him down to Tampa)
Bought a Porsche and sold his deer
(A Porsche instead of deer)
The elves had skin that’s burning
They decided not to leave

You might see him Christmas morning
(See him Christmas morning)
In a pair of kaki shorts
(And a Hawaiian shirt)
Some bags he brought from Wal-Mart
He’ll put under your tree

I know I changed you Santa
Santa, Santa!
Changed wardrobe and no reindeer
But still you have your sack of toys
I know I changed you Santa
Santa, Santa!
It started with a make-out
And somehow I’m now engaged to you