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Song Parodies -> "Wife During Childbirth"

Original Song Title:

"Life During Wartime"

Original Performer:

Talking Heads

Parody Song Title:

"Wife During Childbirth"

Parody Written by:

Alvin Rhodes

The Lyrics

get in the van...i got your suitcase
packed up and ready to go
turn on the headlights...tear down the highway
i'm tryin' to stay composed
my wife goes haywire...from her condition
she's really havin' a cow
i grab my cellphone...i call the doctor
i say we're comin' on down
you're at a party ?...what a fiasco
no time for foolin' around
the baby's crownin' looks like trouble
i think he's comin' right now

he got the message...dropped the receiver
he said he'd be on his way
i try to poor wife's freakin'
you know she called me bad names
we climbed a hillside...the car is slowin
now backwards, startin' to roll
this came at the worst time...i think for the first time
she just might have it at home
so let's get started...i grab some crisco
and i start smearin' it 'round
my hands, i scrub up...i've heebie jeebies
and i'm so nervous right now

talk about about horror
talk about hair turnin' gray
i feel my gut knot...i feel my fear grow
feel like i'm ready to pray
i lube her 'gina...with peanut butter
i also add mayonnaise
this kid is squeakin'...too big, his headbone
might be a record, i'd say
i got no knowledge...i missed lamaze school
but i must come through this time
my wife's no better...contraction's so hard
the pain is makin' her whine
the labor's started...i'm goin' solo
because no doc is around
this kid may split you...he's such a big dude
he shoulda been here by now

trouble in transit...he's reached a roadblock
my wife is howlin' real loud
the pain's acuter...this job is all mine
she's bloody but she's unbowed
we were not prudent...and now my poor wife
lays on a cot while i pry
i try a new style...he's so darn tight now
i wonder what it feels like
she must deliver...her body's tender
looks like she's ready to scream
she's all exhausted...i'm really tryin'
cause down the chute, he must creep

got no no direction
and all i make is a mess
babies more narrow...would come out easy
but i am doin' my best
i can't use meathooks..what good are meathooks ?
the kid just might not survive
the breech, he's breakin'...then he's upon us
i'm glad the kid is alive
i hope he's healthy...he scared me witless
i'm glad he's finally released
i was so careful..i took no chances
i'm feelin' very relieved

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   15

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Very funny interpretation of the classic mid-wife crisis....For this you should get the Pillsbury award..
Johnny D - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
A great Crowning Heads parody!
Kristof Robertson - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Ungh...push....urrgh...PUSH!...arrrghhhh...WAAAAA!! Congratulations, Mr Rhodes, you are now the father of 5s
Dee Range - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Hope you're not suffering from post parody depression! Congrats on another fine young effort. Have a cigar!!555
John Barry - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
The panic is palpable. 15 cm dilation.
Rick Cormier - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Sounds like a midwife crisis to me.......555
Charlie Decker - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Great choice with the OS. 555!
Stuart McArthur - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
not crunchy peanut butter I hope - for her sake in the aftermath - excellent, alvin - 555
alvin rhodes - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks AFW johnny kristof dee john rick charlie and stuart...and remember...choosy mothers choose jif !
Joelle - April 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Great job! 555!
Agrimorfee - April 07, 2005 - Report this comment
As Bill Cosby once said, "Get the salad spoons, man!" 555
alvin rhodes - April 07, 2005 - Report this comment
thanks joelle and agrimorfee

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