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Song Parodies -> "Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Twinkie"

Original Song Title:

"Medley...Stars on 45"

Original Performer:

Stars on 45 (Wanna-Beatles)

Parody Song Title:

"Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Twinkie"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

THIRTEEN WAYS OF LOOKING AT A TWINKIE

I. INTRO
The single that knocked "Bette Davis Eyes" off the top of the charts for a week in 1981 boasts the longest title in chart history: "Medley: Intro Venus/Sugar Sugar/No Reply/I'll Be Back/Drive My Car/Do You Want to Know a Secret/We Can Work it Out/I Should Have Known Better/Nowhere Man/You're Going to Lose That Girl/Stars on 45." Since the medley was performed by a Beatles sound-alike group and is comprised mainly of Beatles songs, some argue that it should be added to the tally of Beatles #1s. Close, but no Twinkie.

II. VENUS
[Instrumental. Please take a moment to reflect on the gifts of the love goddess, namely, Twinkies.]

III. SUGAR SUGAR
Sponge cake
Ah, creamy filling
You are my sugar high!
And you got me wanting goo
Crave it
Ah, microwave it
Twinkies go dynamite!
Lovely phallic symbols too

One! Two! Three!
IV! NO REPLY
They say you're getting round
'Cause you keep sucking down
Chocodi-i-i-iles
I'll never blame you, though
'Cause under that co-coa
They're Twinkies

V. I'LL BE BACK
I hear
Twinkies last a billion years
No expiration date
They found
Twinkies six miles underground
They had to carbon-date

VI. DRIVE MY CAR
Asked the buzz what it wanted to eat
The buzz said baby, Hostess treats
Are bitchin' for munchies - yo dude there's no doubt
But something 'bout snack cakes freaks me out:
Turn your Twinkie upside-down!
See the side that's flat and brown?
Three white eyeballs stare you down!
Too much like a stoplight...

VII. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET
Frinkie
That is short for frozen Twinkie
Once you've tried one you will know
Whoa-oo-wo-oh -
Freasure
Frozen-pleasure me my dear
Kinky smile from ear to ear
Try 'em deep-fried too
Whew-oo-oo-oo!

VIII. WE CAN WORK IT OUT
Out on Easter Island
Monolithic icons hail the Twinkie gods of yore
Pyramids and Stonehenge
Doubtless served as hostess points for UFOs galore
Twinkies filled the hold
Twinkies, blood, and gold

IX. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
I - met you on eBay - thought I'd won that bid
And nabbed the lunchbox of Twinkie the Kid
But you did!
La-a-ame!

X. NOWHERE MAN
He's a real Zingers fan
Duped by Dolly Mad-i-san

XI. YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE THAT GIRL
You're saturated fat
(Force-feed me saturated fat)
An understaa-ted fact
(Butt loads of sad-you-ate-it fat)
My heart is ca-a-a-a-a-aked - with - plaque!
(Trans-fatty Twinkie-cake-ed flak!)

XII. STARS ON 45
Three hundred Twinkie cals
Keep on burning in your bowels
No part of it's refined - but sugar till you're blind
But cut off my supply and I will die-hi-hi-hie!
Oo-yummy-oo-nummy-oo-in-my-tummy-oo
Oo-yummy-oo-numb-me-oo-in-my-tummy-oo
[Repeat as health and music fade]

XIII. POSTMORTEM
Forgive me, Wallace Stevens;
I know Beatle accents
And lucid, inescapable rhythms,
But here the bawds of euphony
Offer no "Blackbird."
So can I buy you a Twinkie?
Copyright 2003+ Spaff.com

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   1
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 5   4
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Wild Man - August 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Very clever Spaff! You know I,m a sucker for a good twinkie. The use of your intro to explain was well done. 555 Chalupas
Billy Florio - August 19, 2003 - Report this comment
genius.....and I loved the line: "Frinkie That is short for frozen Twinkie"
Pat - August 19, 2003 - Report this comment
That was so cute! I loved the frinkie too. You must have stared at a twinkie from every angle, and from the freezer to the microwave to fried to get this one...now relax and have a twinkie. :D I enjoyed the song.
Jeff Reuben - August 19, 2003 - Report this comment
I don't know the original, but these lyrics were pretty funny!
Spaff.com - August 19, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks, Wild & Billy & Pat & Jeff. And to JR and everyone else who doesn't remember "Stars On 45": It's a medley of Beatles songs that you DO know, individually labeled for your convenience. So don't let the title intimidate you. Come on in - Hostess is waitin' for ya.
Meriadoc - August 19, 2003 - Report this comment
This is hilarious! 'They had to carbon-date' was the best line.
sqwark.com - August 20, 2003 - Report this comment
Just brilliant!
Spaff.com - September 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks, Merry. And sqwark: That's a cool site you got going there. Thanks for including me and my creamy filling.
Rick D - October 25, 2003 - Report this comment
A parody of a medley shows a disparity that is deadly The dread thirteen can oft encumber You've proven it's a lucky number Very original!
Spaff.com - November 04, 2003 - Report this comment
Rick: I should've known a Beatles medley would get your attention. And I enjoyed your comment but - forgive me - I can't guess the melody behind it. How 'bout a hint?
Rick D - November 04, 2003 - Report this comment
None. I just made it up. This site brings out the weird and pseudo-poetic in me.
Mari D - March 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff... just noticed this one from your posting on the messageboard. I'm one of those weird people who like Wallace Stevens, especially "The Man With the Blue Guitar," but that's another story. Love those juxtapositions!
Adagio - March 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Frinkie! LOL
Diva - March 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Original + Creative + LOL--Funny!
John Jenkins - March 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Very clever parody, but not something that amateurs should try at home. I'm not sure I fully appreciate I (prose, not poetry), but I liked most of the rest of the parody, especially X, the nowhere man.
Agrimorfee - March 09, 2004 - Report this comment
You did it before I could. 555
Claude Prez - March 09, 2004 - Report this comment
I feel like I should know this medley but I totally don't remember it. I remember Chocodiles though. Mmmm....Chocodiles....Hail the Twinkie gods of yore indeed; tasty stuff
Paul Robinson - March 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff - Just a taste of each sugar-coated song-snack here and my mind is bouncing off the walls on an Extreme Sugar Rush... Better vote before it wears off and my metabolism crashes.
Spaff.com - March 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks a baker's dozen, MAD & Patagio & Diiiva & Johnkins & Aggro & C4P & P-Rob! For those who DKTOS, I've (temporarily) got an MP3 of it up on my web site:
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/13_ways.html
Jack Wilson - March 12, 2004 - Report this comment
THis is awesome!!!!! 555 twinkies!
Spaff.com - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Jackie, you Ding Dong.
Dude - October 05, 2005 - Report this comment
This song makes me want to get fat off of twinkies...delicious... *drools*
Spaff.com - October 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, Dude. I'm a recovering Twinkaholic and haven't touched one for months. But I'll always crave them. Have a couple for me.

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