I have never sung before
I guess I must pretend
That I know what I'm doing
This ain't something I can do
My vibrato just sucks
And what's enunciating?

Now, no matter what you say,
No matter what I screech,
I see the glass is breaking
Simply because I can't sing,
I really cannot sing
And in my boots I'm quaking.

It's American Idol
And I'm the next one up
Whatever made me try it?
Friends and family say I'm great
But when I try to belt
They all start to deny it

Now, no matter what you say,
No matter what I screech,
I see the glass is breaking
Simply because I can't sing,
I really cannot sing
And in my boots I'm quaking.

Paula thinks I'm kind of good,
And Randy thinks I'm bad
Yet no one really liked me.
Simon told me only this
"Please don't quit your day job"
But I don't have one, sadly.

Now, no matter what you say,
No matter what I screech,
I see the glass is breaking
Simply because I can't sing,
I really cannot sing
And in my boots I'm quaking.

Simply because I can't sing,
I really cannot sing...
And in my boots I'm quaking.