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Song Parodies -> "Can't Find My Penis"

Original Song Title:

"Can't Fight This Feeling"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

REO Speedwagon

Parody Song Title:

"Can't Find My Penis"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

I can't make my penis any longer
Despite a zillion e-mail guarantees
There's not some big shortcoming with my do-o-onger
The ac-tual problem is my gut's grown past my knees

I tell myself I should cut out carbohydrates
But that would mean less pretzels with my beer
And though it sucks to shock and awe my bli-i-ind da-a-ates
I've got more spots for gerbils
Than a guy like Richard Gere

My diet should be stricter
But that's a useless fight
When the scale I use is Richter
And my butt's a launching site
And I've won more Oscars than Brando for cell-u-li-ite

And I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten where it used to be beforrre
I'm scared it's been exposed by Michael Moorrre
Or banned by Tipper Gorrre
Foreverrr

'Cause I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten what that part was even forrr
It may have been sent off to fight the warrr
Or caned in Singaporrre
Frankly, I can't find my penis anymore

[Guitarrr solo]

My goal has been to go on Extreme Makeoverrr
And become all svelte and svexy like my dreams
But I'd ditch that all for a big bu-u-ull-do-o-o-zerrr
That would bury me in Big Macs
And then pile on Krispy Kremes

I've grossed out my reflection
He wishes he was blind
When I gaze at my midsection
Why do sperm whales spring to mind?
And I'm getting larger than Rosie and Shrek combined

And I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten what I started looking forrr
I might as well give up the Trojan Warrr
I've lost my chance to scorrre
Foreverrr

'Cause I can't find my penis anymorrre
There's no Dick Van Dyke for Mary Tyler Moorrre
I'd like to drag my ass up off the floorrr
But standing up's a chorrre
And I just can't find my penis anymorrre

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 43

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 3
 3
 
 2   1
 1
 2
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   1
 2
 2
 
 5   39
 36
 35
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jack Wilson - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Great stuff as always! 555!
Leo Jay - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
For some reason, I'm having trouble remembering the original tune, except for the chorus... but hilarious, as always!
2nz - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but hey, looks like another Grrreat parody
Phil Alexander - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
That was an exceptionally good laugh, Spaff. :-)
Johnny D - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Mighty Spaff, this is one I wish I'd thought of. When Spaff writes a parody he doesn't dick around! 555
Tim Hall - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Great tribute to Ron Jeremy. LOL
Arwen - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent as always, Mr. Spaff...5-5-5....
Royce Miller - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
this is a parody that the "funny" category was made for
Jonathan C. - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
When's the next recording, spaff.com?;)
Adagio - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Funny lines! :D esp. 'When I gaze at my midsection Why do sperm whales spring to mind?' LOL 5's
aoid - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
I didn't think it was funny
Laurence Dunne - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
I've got a little gut, but I still thought this was FUNNY!
Billy Florio - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Great Spaff!
Claude Prez - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Hilarious. And I'm impressed you got "aoid" to say something besides "poo isn't funny".
A.K.A. SKITTLES - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
DAS TIGHT! UNFORTUNENTLY I DONT KNOW HOW DAT WOULD FEEL,BEING A GUY AND NOT FINDING YOUR ''MANHOOD''
Peregrin - May 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent! Great stuff.
Diva - May 14, 2004 - Report this comment
It's a masterpiece---- lol! Spaffy---- Roflmao!
LOL - May 14, 2004 - Report this comment
A breath of fresh air! Great job. -LL ;-)
Jeff Reuben - May 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Too funny...let us know when the video is out!
Spaff.com - May 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Apparently I can't find my manners anymore either. Belated thanx, Jackie & Lee OJ & Looney 2nz & Philbo & Johnny Dangle & Tim The Enchanter & Evenstar & Royce-a-roni & Jonathan C (soon I hope) & Patagio & Laudanum (sure you do) & Billy Don't Be a Florio & C4P & Skittles & Gollum & Diiiva & LOL & Jeffaroo (will do)!
Johnny D - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey Mighty Spaff - a couple of days ago, I posted my own parody of this REO Speedwagon tune, since you inspired me.......my parody is called "Vicodin's The Feeling I Adore", and I think you might get a chuckle or two out of it:

http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/reospeedwagon11.shtml
somebody with feelings..... - May 24, 2004 - Report this comment
dude thats hilarious! Great job. Can i get your autogragh?
Spaff.com - May 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny Dangle: I'm glad to have helped you pack for that drug trip. And I got more than two chuckles out of it.

To "somebody with feelings...": I have to suspect that any autograph requests are sarcastic jokes from people who are messing with me, but in the off-chance you're serious, I'd be happy to sign a copy of "Elves Gone Wild" for you. You can get one at elvesgonewild.com
kitkatbar09 - May 26, 2004 - Report this comment
i am so glad for 1: i am not a guy, and 2:i donnt have a big gut to hide all of my surprizes. So tell me,what enspired u 2 write this song?itwas awsome. i give it 555?!
marsbars...so what? - May 27, 2004 - Report this comment
kitkat is right....what inspired u
Spaff.com - May 28, 2004 - Report this comment
kitkat & mars: OK, you asked: I lived through the height of REO Stationwagon's popularity, and always thought the lines "It's time to bring this ship into the shorrre / And throw away the oarrrs foreverrr" were among the worst ever recorded. I had successfully blocked them from memory until a few weeks ago, when my dentist subjected me to a "Light Hits" radio station, and "Can't Fight This Feeling" came on. So instead of focusing on all the hands and metal instruments halfway down my throat, I brainstormed parody ideas. This is what I came up with.
Know 1 can hear you dream - May 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Glad I can still find my 5:s.
DKTOS? - June 03, 2004 - Report this comment
For those who don't know the original song, it's temporarily available at
spaff.com/dktos
Cookie-man - June 05, 2004 - Report this comment
That was AWESOME!!!! Cracked me up! Great job! :)
monkeys and blue cheese are attacking me!!! - June 08, 2004 - Report this comment
dude great parody i give it a 555
Agrimorfee - June 08, 2004 - Report this comment
(may 04 SOTM) 545.
Melhi - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
A HUGE improvement on the original. (SOTM)
Johnny D - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(May SOTM) See above.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(May SOTM) I'm sick of songs about fat people. I'm sick of songs plugging a euphemism for genitalia into a chorus. Put the two together? GENIUS!! 5-5-5
malcolm higgins - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
hey since when can we say "penis" in a song anymore??
Spaff.com - June 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Peter chyd & Cookie & cheese & Aggro & Mello & Johnny Dangle & Ralphing Luke!

Malcolm: Good point - guess I shoulda used "cock" instead.
zfunky1 - June 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Your parody was awesome! Can't Stand That Song Anymore... actually... I never could. But I especially liked your response to Malcolm!!!!! All petty comments should be handled with such tact!!
Merrrriadoc - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Spaff, this was hilarious!
John Jenkins - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent parody. I especially liked the Trojan War line; but why did I envision, when reading the "caning in Singapore" line half of amiright booking plane fare to Singapore?
Adagio - June 28, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Great as it was before, Spaffaroo!
2nz - June 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Allow me to retract my DKTOS from earlier and give props for a song I wouldn't know how to parody. Grrreat work, and good luck with finding the damn thing. I've heard it doesn't grow too well in the shade, so I'd stick to that diet, man.
MysteryGoat - July 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Definately not what i was expecting, good job.
May SOTM Runner Up - July 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Congratulations to Spaff for winning 2nd place in the May Song of the Month contest, with this incredible parody! Well done, Spaff!
Spaff.com - July 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Smeeeagol & Patagio & Looney 2nz & Magical Mystery Goat.

Johnkins: I hear ya. The headline: "Citizens Caned."

zfunky1: I didn't find Malcolm's comment petty. It was just some good-natured ribbing. Because ribbing enhances your pleasure.
Billy Florio - August 04, 2004 - Report this comment
voting too hard, yeah Im voting too hard....anyone remember the Seeds?
Know 1 can hear you dream - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
I remembered you had this one under your belt. 5s again.
MAY 2004 SONG OF THE MONTH SILVER MEDAL - August 25, 2004 - Report this comment
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3009.0;id=1331;image
Spaff.com - August 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Billy dba Florio: Hell yeah - got it in my Nuggets box. (Huh huh - he said Nuggets.)
Peter chyd: Um, somewere down there, I hope. Thanx again.
John Jenkins - February 10, 2005 - Report this comment
Now that I know more about your politics, I've got to commend you for exploiting Michael Moore and Tipper Gore.
Spaff.com - February 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Johnkins: Humor is non-partisan, and it suffered a crushing blow when Bill Clinton left office. Fortunately, the religious right is doing everything it can to fill the void.
2nz - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
I always enjoy the guitarrr solo, Spaff.
Spaff.com - March 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx again, 2nz, for going above and beyond by commenting on all the SOTY entries.
Jack Wilson - November 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Heard a bit of the OS on the radio the other day.....yeah this is MUCH BETTER
Spaff.com - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you, Jack.
Jack Wilson - December 15, 2006 - Report this comment
You;re welcome ,Spaff!
GOVINDA - December 22, 2006 - Report this comment
I LOVE IT, CAN TOTALY RELATE
Spaff.com - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Govinda: It's a good thing you said that privately and didn't loudly announce in a public forum.
Jack Wilson - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL Spaff to that comment. Anyways Im planning a parody to this sappy OS called Cant Fill This Order
TullyGirl - June 24, 2007 - Report this comment
I only hope I can be like Spaff someday! Can I have your autograph?
Spaff.com - August 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Belated howdy, Jack. Did you do it yet? I'm too lazy to search.

TullyGirl: Depends what you want me to sign.
Jack Wilson - August 18, 2007 - Report this comment
I did line one line and couldnt think of anything else, must be too crappy to spoof LOL. Ill try again
TullyGirl - September 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Paper, duh! Whatdid you think?
Spaff.com - October 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Jackie: "Too crappy to spoof" - heh heh.
TullyGirl: Uh, er, um, PAPER, of course.
Eric Rosenhan - March 29, 2008 - Report this comment
I nearly wet my pants. This songs helps me with my feelings of inadequacy.
Jack Wilson - March 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Ok the recording of this is just way too effin' hilarious tor words, I noticed you chnage d some lyrics, but nothin' wrong with that. Oh sh*t that was hilarious.
Spaff.com - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Eric Rosenhan? THE Eric Rosenhan? How are ya, man?

And Jack Wilson: I already know that you're THE Jack Wilson. Which is, of course, the best Jack Wilson to be. Thanks, man.
HERE'S ROBERT LUND'S RECORDING - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/penis.html
Bill - March 07, 2009 - Report this comment
Boring song.
< ! ! ! > - March 09, 2009 - Report this comment
< ! ! ! >
Spaff.com - March 25, 2009 - Report this comment
Bill: You misspelled "boning."
< ! ! ! >: Aw. Now I'm blushing.
Eric Andrews - November 08, 2009 - Report this comment
"Humor is non-partisan." Exactly. Even as a left-leaner, the best thing about living in America is that everyone is a target for someone's parody. Both sides have people who give everyone else a bad name.
Spaff.com - November 10, 2009 - Report this comment
And that bad name is Limbaugh.
Jack Wilson - February 27, 2010 - Report this comment
This needs a vid too!
Spaff.com - April 12, 2010 - Report this comment
Hey Jackie. There's a guy named Ward who has made a bunch of videos of my songs. Here's the one he did for this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Onc4W7QhLU
Lisa Ellis-Massey - March 18, 2017 - Report this comment
LMAOOOO!!! 5's all day long! :D

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