Fat...must go!

Swimsuit season is coming soon
And you look quite like an ape
But chest hair ain't the subject here
You're just in terrible shape

People staring? (Yeah!) Does your weight make 'em pissed?
Are they gagging at the sight of your meat?
Listen to me, 'fore you start to strip...
Better pull off this feat, yeah!

You'd better go hide your gut!
Just look at how far it juts!
And your jiggling fat's making shade for my cat
You'd better go hide your gut!
Hey--you measure 82"*
It's clear that you eat a glut!

How'd you think you'll mimic Hasselhoff
With blubber swishing 'round?
You'd be very wealthy if someone paid
A buck for each of your pounds!

Since you're heavy--hence, unsatisfied
And health food you just won't eat
Gym you won't go to, can't do a flip!
So you might as well cheat...suck in!

You'd better go hide your gut!
(Or wait, maybe that's your butt?)
And the mass of your thighs makes the ocean tide rise
It's putting you in a rut!
Hey--just like a kangaroo
A kid could fit in that gut!

Hey! Go fake it! Hide your gut! Hide your gut!

You'd better go hide your gut!
Your armchair just bit the dust! (crunch!)
It's bigger than Parton's bust! (oh my!)
You're sinking despite your thrusts! (Just like a whaa-aaa-aaaa-aaaale!)
Don't...bulge out!

There are plenty of ways you can disguise your girth
Though there is always pain
Sick of squeezin' and a-wheezin' in that girdle? (Sure!)
Try a corset--feel the strain!

But with pinching, in a Speedo you'll fit
As long as you can see your feet
You'll be just fine when you take a dip
Contracted and in pain...but petite!

You'd better go hide your gut!
Your flabby waistline won't jut!
And although you can't breathe, other folks will perceive
That you're not obese, you're cut!
Hey--you'll be a pleasant view
If you'll just go hide that gut!

Thin out!