spoken:
"When I was in school, I was always picked on.
They voted me most likely to secede..."
[dead silence]

Many's the time I had picked out a winner
But had no response from the crowd
Oh and many's the time I have heard naught but jeering
Not one was laughing out loud

Many's the time someone yelled out "You loser!"
When they judged my jokes were all lame
But all that will change now that I have found you
Their responses won't be the same

spoken:
"well I've always been a little antisocial, so I thought I'd study them.
I got my little ant farm right here. I talk to them all the time..."
[dead silence]

You're the pun that will kill 'em
You're the pun, You're the pun
You're the pun that will kill 'em this week
You're the pun that will kill 'em
You're the pun, You're the pun
You're the pun that will kill 'em for me

Now I have been told all my puns never use them
Though I have chosen to keep
Now I'm gonna make some responses to them
Some you'd expect to be bleeped

spoken:
"I always go hiking with the bare necessities. Honey, meat, berries..."

You're the pun that will kill 'em
You're the pun, You're the pun
You're the pun that will kill 'em this week
You're the pun that will kill 'em
You're the pun, You're the pun
You're the pun that will kill 'em for me

spoken:
"Why did Dr. Frankenstein use such a big jar for the unstable brain
he was going to use. Cause he wanted to jar his memory..."

Well, you're the pun that will kill 'em
You're the pun, You're the pun
You're the pun that will kill 'em this week
You're the pun that will kill 'em
You're the pun, You're the pun
You're the pun that will kill 'em for me

spoken:
"They say you should count your blessings, but I am confused. If the
priest blesses you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy
Spirit, does that count as three?"

Oh, you're the pun that will kill 'em
You're the pun, You're the pun
You're the pun that will kill 'em this week
You're the pun that will kill 'em
You're the pun, You're the pun
You're the pun that will kill 'em for me

spoken:
"You've been a great audience. You've got great personality,
Stonewall Jackson's. Seriously, I gotta go. Anyone know where the
restroom is?"