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Song Parodies -> "Scalpel Girl"

Original Song Title:

"Valley Girl"

Original Performer:

Moonunit / Frank Zappa

Parody Song Title:

"Scalpel Girl"

Parody Written by:

Rick Duncan

The Lyrics

Zappa knew how to both play and mock music.

Scalpel girl, she's a scalpel girl
Scalpel girl, she's a scalpel girl
Cut me fine
For cure, for cure
She's a scalpel girl
In a hospital
Make me fine
And pure, and pure
She's a.

Like•oh, my bod! (Scalpel girl)
Like•surgically! (Scalpel girl)
That lipo is so bitchen (Scalpel girl)
I'd like a younger me-ah! (Scalpel girl)
And like, all those really great doctors
I love going in for like, tummy tucks and stuff
I like, buy the biggest collagen fat lips
It's like, bewitchin' cuz like, Hollywood is like
Super-super rich
And artificial

On the table, there she goes
She just bought a different nose
She is all boobs and skin and bone
She got a whole bunch of new silicone

Anyway, he says, you need a D and C
I go, again?
Could you like, just picture me with a little kiddy?
Yeah, right, Johnny, Sarah
I'm sure, no way!
He called me a phony!
He said I was plastic
That's cuz like, he was totally poor
He had like, saggy face
So old!

Scalpel girl, she's a scalpel girl
Scalpel girl, she's a scalpel girl
Cut me fine
For cure, for cure
She's a scalpel girl
Just meat and fur
Oh, I'm fine!
Procure, procure
She's a.

I'm really mad (Scalpel girl)
Like my stupid agent --He's like..(Scalpel girl)
He's like Mr. Yoo-hoo (Scalpel girl)
We're talking Elton John Yoo-hoo (Scalpel girl)
I am so hot
He's like, so gay
He like sits there and like tells me I'm so fat
Gives me like, skirts and tells me to try them on
They're like totally too tiny
I'm like, so thin
So I go barf out
Gag me with a spoon!

Last full meal that she did see
Was in the ward “Recovery”
A pair of eye lifts ‘neath her brow
Something still not right somehow

So like, I go in for a like, check my face, y'know
And I wanted to get my earlobes done
And the doctor like, goes oh my god, your butt cheeks
Are like, so flabby
It was like, really a bare ass thing
He's like, I am God, I'll fix those butt cheeks
I'm like sure
He goes, I don't know if I can charge enough, y'know
I am like, really so wealthy

Scalpel girl, she's a scalpel girl
Scalpel girl, she's a scalpel girl
I'm still fine
Endure, endure
She's a scalpel girl
There's no stopping her
It's all mine
Insure, insure
She's a scalpel girl
There's no stopping her

Like, my mother is a total trophy wife (Scalpel girl)
She like, gave my my self-image and (Scalpel girl)
Got me botox (Scalpel girl)
Look like her
Giant dose (Scalpel girl)
Can't feel! (Scalpel girl)
Oh my bod! (Scalpel girl)

Whee-oooh (Scalpel girl)
My name?
My name is Media Celebrity (Scalpel girl)
That's tight, Media (Scalpel girl)
I blow
I like(Scalpel girl)
I sure do feel funny!
I'm her (Scalpel girl)
Whatsa matter with the way I walk? (Scalpel girl)
I'm on Val, I know (Scalpel girl)
But I live on a bunch of really good drugs so it's okay (Scalpel girl)
Ow-ow.(Scalpel girl)
So like, does it show? (Scalpel girl)
I'm like all stitched up, totally (Scalpel girl)
Ow, my bod! (Scalpel girl)

High, I have to go back to the plastic surgeon (Scalpel girl)
I'm getting my head replaced, y'know (Scalpel girl)
But I'll have to be a no-brainer
That's going to take really like, a total hummer
I'm leaking out!
No cure
It's like those things that like stick in your mouth
They're so gross...
You like get saliva all over them
But like, I don't know, it's going to be cool, y'know
So you can see my style
It'll be a giant tool
Except my like skin is now way stretched
Hope no biggie
It's so awesome
It's like tubular, y'know
Well, I'm no longer ugly or anything
It's just like
I don't know,
Don't know me, I'm like into like the pain stuff
Like bad men and like I don't grow
Like my mother like divorced three dad
She's like so hosed
Like all the crap sticks to the kids
And it's like somebody else's disfunction
I'm so loady
Loady to the max
No cure
It's like really self destructive
Need barf out
Gag me with a spoon
I'm not sure
Pity me..

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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John Barry - February 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Clever concept, well done.
Serafina - February 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Nicely done, Rick! I cracked up reading the whole thing! Very clever indeed. :)

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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