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Song Parodies -> "Tour de Lance"

Original Song Title:

"The Safety Dance"

Original Performer:

Men Without Hats

Parody Song Title:

"Tour de Lance"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

T (T-T-T)
O (O-O-O)
U (U-U-U)
R (R-R-R)
D (D-D-D)
E (E-E-E)
Tour de (Tour de)
France (Lance Lance Lance)

You can race if you want to
You can ride on your behind
But you're just not Lance and if you're not Lance
Well you'll - get left behind

I say, You can train if you want to
And you can master your domain
But if you think you'll eclipse - the seven-time champ
You're just singin' Indurain

Tour de France
(Francais!)

Ah, You can try if you want to
And you may never stop to pee
But you'll despair, mon frere, when he whips derriere
Clear from Fromentine to Gay Paree

I say, You can speed if want to
Through the vineyards and the hills
But dude it's guar-an-teed - you'll never take the lead
You're gonna learn how Jan Ullrich feels

You'll say
Freakin' Lance - Freakin' Lance - Gettin' more fans than the pope
Freakin' Lance - Freakin' Lance - We're checkin' out your butt for dope
Freakin' Lance - Freakin' Lance - Hidin' booster jets in your pants
Freakin' Lance - Freakin' Lance - Won'tcha give the Frenchies a cha - a-a-ance
Tour de France
Oh yes the Tour de France
Ah oui the Tour de France

T (T-T-T)
O (O-O-O)
U (U-U-U)
R (R-R-R)
D (D-D-D)
E (E-E-E)
Tour de (Tour de)
France (Lance Lance Lance)

You can hope if you want to
But I think that you should know
Le Cancer du Tes-tickle
Don't slow his bi-sickle
Or the babes like Sheryl Crow

I say, you can pray if you want to
Ride a bike that God designed
But you're just not Lance and if you're not Lance
Well your - prayers get declined

You'll say
Freakin' Lance - Freakin' Lance - Stayin' in yellow for days
Freakin' Lance - Freakin' Lance - It's not my style an-y-ways
Freakin' Lance - Freakin' Lance - Once again kicked me in the pants
Freakin' Lance - Freakin' Lance - Guess 2006 is my cha - a-a-ance
To win the Tour de France
Oh yes the Tour de France
Ah oui the Tour de Lance
I mean the Tour de Fra-ance!
(etc.)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
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 3
 
 2   0
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 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   4
 1
 1
 
 5   19
 22
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User Comments

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Dee Range - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Cinque Cinque Cinque. Loved the joke about Miguel Indurain, former 5-time champ of the Tour de Lance
Jeff Reuben - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Ditto on the Indurain line. Excellent job on one of my favorite OSes
John Barry - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Moi aussi loved the Indurain line--and the many other good ones. 5s
Johnny D - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
I especially liked the "booster jets" image!
Matthias - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Another great one Lance... I mean Spaff-A-Lot.
Paul Robinson - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS - but I Glanced to see what you had to say about Lance...good read...
Tim Hall - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Brilliant idea, execution, and tribute to a great athlete and testicular cancer survivor!
Dominic L. - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Good job, 5's
Red Ant - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Great one Spaff on an under-rated 80s song. Fives for Spaff, Fives for Spaff...
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Tres magnifique! A great theme for a parody and executed as only Spaff can.
Spaff.com - July 23, 2005 - Report this comment
Merci beaucoup, mes amis, for your kind comments. I was at a sports bar last night - they had a zillion TVs on, playing everything from baseball to windsurfing, but not one set was showing coverage of Armstrong's unfreakingbelievable feat. Go figure.

I've tweaked this a bit, by the way, and renamed it "Spank Me, Lance":
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/lance.html
Rick C - July 23, 2005 - Report this comment
It's unbelievable what you can do with such a simple OS! 555
Stuart McArthur - July 24, 2005 - Report this comment
wonderful stuff, Spaff, and I loved the "But you'll despair, mon frere, when he whips derriere" - what great rhythm you have - 555
Tim Mayfield - July 26, 2005 - Report this comment
This was great. 5 gold biker shorts!!
Leo Jay - July 27, 2005 - Report this comment
Fantastic. Ditto on the 'Singin' Indurain' line. 7-7-7 for this one.
Kenny Solomon - July 27, 2005 - Report this comment
This one goes on the air IMMEDIATELY ! Cheers again Spaff & Robert ! ................... Kenny Solomon, Progressive Soundscapes Radio
Mark Allred - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Loved it all the way through, especially the connection between his cancer not only not slowing down his bicycle abilities, but also ability to get the babes like Cheryl. And the line about not stopping to pee...I always figured just holding it throughout the race was the key to beating Lance. I guess not. Nice job (as always) Spaff!
Jack Wilson - August 03, 2005 - Report this comment
LOVE IT! 555!
Spaff.com - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx again, everyone, and in case you were wondering, that Kenny Solomon dude is for real. Check out his cool gig at progressivesoundscapes dot com (sorry - I had to fudge the URL to try to get it through Chucky's filters.)

Oh, and in case you missed Robert Lund's recording of the new-and-improved version of this, check it out at the URL in my previous comment.

Man, I'd love to see Lance go for #8 next year.
Dylan Baranski - October 27, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent! C'est une parodie trés super! 5-5-5, mon frère.
Spaff.com - November 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Merci bien, Dylan.
Jack Wilson - November 22, 2006 - Report this comment
So did Kenny Solomon ever play this on the radio?
Spaff.com - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Local Celeb: Yes. He's played a lot of Robert Lund stuff. That's a bit surprising, actually, considering that the station focuses on prog rock. Check it out at progressivesoundscapes.com.
Jack Wilson - December 15, 2006 - Report this comment
Alright! Sure will!
Spoofman - January 16, 2012 - Report this comment
If any Lance didn't retire!! :( Great song

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