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Song Parodies -> "Kampfschwimmers"

Original Song Title:

"Who's That Girl"

Original Performer:

Madonna

Parody Song Title:

"Kampfschwimmers"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In March 1945 the US Army captured the Ludendorff Bridge at Remagan as the Germans had kept it intact for too long and when the explosives arrived had very weak industrial type of only 300 kg which detonated but failed to drop the bridge. As a result, the US Army took hold on March 7th and fierce fighting broke out to destroy the bridge at all costs. The Luftwaffe sent fighters and bombers to attack the bridge but the US put up AAA. Everything from field artillery to railguns to 11 V-2 launches failed to bring the bridge down. Even a counter attack by German forces. My parody deals with friends of my German family back in the Fatherland that were Kampfschwimmers (German Navy frogmen) from the "Puma" unit that wore exotic suits soaked in chemicals that heated up in water. They used them to hide under fallen tree debris and slowly floated their way down the river to get to the bridge with charges. They were illuminated by searchlights and forced out of the water. The V-2 near impacts had severely weakened the bridge and when the final weapon was used- German Ar-234 jet bombers of III/KG 76, the bridge finally collapsed. Wiki is inaccurate about the V-2s causing the collapse. Even at 300 yrds, the land explosion would not have been sufficient vibration and stress to allow the Ar-234s to take it down. I believe it was a combination of all the weapons used from March 7-17th that allowed the collapse by the bombers. Anyway, the Kampfschwimmers were taken into custody and became POWs until Germany surrendered. They almost made it as did the floating mines the Germans sent down the river!!!
Kampfschwimmers, Kampfschwimmers

Bridge is captured, charges failed, and the Luftwaffe now strikes
Rhine crossing, danger, must collapse it with PAK fire
Allies gather, and cross to the other side
Solution must be found
A new set-up, to cause a collapse

[Chorus]
Send the best German divers, Kampfschwimmers
Underwater destroyers, Kampfschwimmers
Send the best German divers, Kampfschwimmers
Underwater destroyers, Kampfschwimmers

The anger of Hitler, he makes tough demands
Firing V-2s, close misses, but the bridge still stands
Thermal suits make heat, the divers slowly drift on cue
Compromised within mere feet
They try to get away, but they can't

Send the best German divers, Kampfschwimmers
Underwater destroyers, Kampfschwimmers
Send the best German divers, Kampfschwimmers
Underwater destroyers, Kampfschwimmers

[Intermediate]
Light up the night, Allies are searching
Light up the night, Germans are on the prowl

Allies gather, and cross to the other side
Solution must be found
A new set-up, to cause a collapse

Send the best German divers, Kampfschwimmers
Underwater destroyers, Kampfschwimmers
Send the best German divers, Kampfschwimmers
Underwater destroyers, Kampfschwimmers

Light up the night, Allies are searching
Light up the night, Germans are on the prowl

Allies gather, and cross to the other side
Solution must be found
A new set-up, to cause a collapse

Kampfschwimmers
KSK, Kampfschwimmers
KSK, Kampfschwimmers
KSK, Kampfschwimmers

Send the best German divers, Kampfschwimmers
Underwater destroyers, Kampfschwimmers
Send the best German divers, Kampfschwimmers
Underwater destroyers, Kampfschwimmers

[Added verse]

Hear the roar of jet bombers, 2-3-4s
Multiple hits on the bridge, and they score!
Hear the roar of jet bombers, 2-3-4s
Multiple hits on the bridge, and they score!

[Bridge collapses March 17, 1945]

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Porfle Popnecker - June 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Interesting story!
Rob Arndt - June 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks Porfle and... missed you yesterday! Btw, here's an Ar-234 German WW2 jet/recon bomber (2 and 4-engine versions): http://www.ww2incolor.com/d/228052-1/3100797763_9de33570c0 http://lemairesoft.sytes.net:1945/webfr/photo/avion1/102010976.jpg

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