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Song Parodies -> "Now Awakened"

Original Song Title:

"Like A Virgin"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Now Awakened"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

This parody is based on the horror film "Hellacious Acres" which is a micro-budget film of utter despair. Basically, a lone futuristic soldier is awakened from cryogenic freeze in an apocalyptic world where two events have happened: some world catastrophe followed by an alien invasion. The air is poisionous and the land barren and desolate. The soldier (John Glass) has no memory of life beforehand and has to get used to being encased in a form of Supersoldier suit. He has only a jeering AI guide and a few advanced weapons that he doesn't know how to use. He first must find food to survive and suddenly realizes that his backpack has a form of vacuum for ingesting all liquids and solids directly into his stomach! His waste is also pumped back out of the same tube! So he slowly realizes that he is trapped in that suit and that his body has been altered- but by how much??? He encounters a lone survivor that tries to kill him and then returns home to massacre his family and himself. The soldier retrieves some horrible food and processes it. He wanders about alone until he gets instructions on a single objective. He discovers that he can access teleporters but they cause bad side effects that must be countered with hidden antidotes! So his situation gets worse and worse. Near the end, he finds that his mission was futile for restoring the atmosphere and that a fellow lost soldier has no interest in partnering up with him. When the aliens are finally seen they are gaseous beings that can literally fry a human brain through the protective suit. So John loses the only other human being he comes into contact with and is forced to sever one of his limbs to get a new AI gauntlet as his was wrecked by water submersion. He discovers that the other soldier was less than human, so he begins to question his humanity. He wanders further and encounters another armed survivor that is fighting the beings and it comes down to his final weapons which he places confidence in (mini-triad field spikes). Sadly, they fail and he too gets zapped and destroyed. The movie is about hopelessness and despair. Not a happy ending. The OS has been modified with added words and two lines to tell the story...
I made it through a horrid mess
Frozen, I slept straight on through
Some catastrophic event happened
Aliens arrived too!

Now I’m awake and encased
This is bad, locked into this suit
And it makes me feel
Sick, so very ill yet (it’s)
Complex and cool

Now awakened
Asleep for a very long time
Now awakened
And in danger
What will I find?

Gotta learn to use AI toy
My strength is fading really fast
I must first locate some food
So I can complete my task

Man appears in strange gear
Pulls a gun, fires some form of bolt
He was all freaked out
Chased me all about, then
Killed his family back home

Now awakened
Asleep for a very long time
Now awakened
And in danger
What will I find?

Oh, Oh, No!!!

I’m confined in suit design
And someone’s tampered with my mind
So this makes me feel
That I am far less real
Less human inside

Now awakened
Asleep for a very long time
Now awakened
And in danger
What will I find?

Now awakened, Oh, No!
Now awakened
Creatures are outside
And their gaseous, and they‘re vicious, and they zapped me

Oh, oh, no, oh, oh, no, oh, oh, no
Dropping down to my knees
Can’t survive this time…

Was reborn to die...


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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 19

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Porfle Popnecker - April 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Sounds like a fun movie--reminds me of one of those old Albert Pyun sci-fi flicks.
Rob Arndt - April 09, 2012 - Report this comment
You either hate this movie or love it b/c the director deliberately wanted to make the audience feel the pain and futility of his story. It is deliberately slow and baffling at times. It is even shot in a grainy way to add to the barren landscapes and dull, lifeless sets. But it intrigues and you never really know how much of John is machine or genetically altered. The creatures only make 3 brief appearances and there are only 6 people total in this movie- with only the Supersoldier taking up the most time. It is brilliant in its simplicity and the soldier's POV. It is more realistic in its portrayal of adjusting to a double apocalypse and the realization that all is truly lost from the beginning. Wal-Mart $9.99. Try it.

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