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Song Parodies -> "Betty Crocker Thighs"

Original Song Title:

"Bette Davis Eyes"

Original Performer:

Kim Carnes

Parody Song Title:

"Betty Crocker Thighs"

Parody Written by:

Dee Range

The Lyrics

You are what you eat, and this is the pot calling the kettle black.
Her chairs are never old
The legs just can't survive
Her weight they just can't hold
She's got Betty Crocker thighs

She'll eat a dinner for two
It's gone 'fore you blink twice
She's big as New York, bro
She's got Betty Crocker thighs

Both her knees blew
When she's greased, whew!
Still no turnstile she can squeeze through
Smells atrocious
When she goes just
Make damn sure that your commodes flush
She wears Mega Carbo Big Girl size
She's got Betty Crocker thighs

She ate her way through Rome
It took her just twelve bites
She makes the truck scales groan
She's got Betty Crocker thighs

Don't let her tumble on you
Squash you just like a vice
They'll scrape you up like goo
She's got Betty Crocker thighs

She's a hag too
And she'll gag you
When you see where her boobs have sagged to
They're humongous
Hope she knows just
What it takes to cure that fungus
Her main joy's swattin' her flies
She's got Betty Crocker thighs

She could eat you
And excrete you
Just retreat dude
She's got Betty Crocker thighs

But what blows dude
She still grows dude
Gro-tesque nude
She's got Betty Crocker thighs

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   22

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Tommy Turtle - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
I'm gonna 5 this before I read it, on the title alone!!! RFLMAO, Dee!...OK, now I'll try to read it (dries eyes)
TT - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
OK, I read it, and I stand by my previous opinion.... OS was so kitschy it was cool..... As I asked Adagio once, if I am what I eat, does that make me a p**** (woman's private parts)?
AFW - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Hilarious and high calibre as your writes, always are..Phatastically phunny..
Rick C - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
High fives for your high calorie hi-larity.
Arwen - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Still no turnstile she can squeeze through--LOL!!!

That line alone deserves 5s!
Parody Police - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Didn't somebody already do "???? Thighs" to Bette Davis Eyes?
Police Commissioner - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Laura Bushes' Thighs. The parodies are completely different, but this one is much funnier than Laura Bush. 555
alvin rhodes - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
i like what you've cooked up here
Ravyn Rant - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
The last couple verses shouldn't be read while eating lunch! Otherwise, this was funny.
Matthias - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow, just the mention of sagging tits make me cringe... But this whole parody had me cringing.... GAHH!!! Yet even though it's henious it's still better than Ay Yi Yi Yi so it gets 5's...
Stuart McArthur - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
ha! what TT said, and what Arwen said, and I also loved the Rome in 12 bites line, amongst a dozen others - this is classic Dee! er, Dee! - LOL - 555
Dee Range - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks TT, AFW, Rick C., Arwen, 'Police Commissioner' (LOL), alvin rhodes, Ravyn Rant (always loved your monicker), Matthias, And Stuart. This was inspired by a 450 lb (Approximate) black lady who was immediately in front of me in the winding entrance corral for the log ride at Six Flags, the Disneyland-like amusement park between Dallas and Ft Worth, right next to the Texas Rangers baseball diamond now known as Ameriquest Field.. She was wearing a hot pink ultra-tight (What outfit wouldn't be, at that size?) jogging suit and she was so wide she kept getting snagged on the rough logs that formed the winding entrance guardrails. The first time she got snagged, she thought that I was grabbing her outfit, and turned her head and shouted at me...honest to God..".LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU MASHER!!!" I laughed my ass off and pointed out to her that she was snagged on the rough wood splinter on the guardrail. She finally had to resort to inching forward sideways, but when she got to the front of the line, she couldn't get through the turnstile that kept count of how many people rode the log ride each day. To this day, her line about me being a 'masher' is maybe the funniest thing I have ever heard in person. I was 15 at the time, about 150 lbs, and she could have squashed me like a bug had she sat on me. I weigh about 225 now, but even at my present size, she easily was twice as big then as I am now...if I am not mistaken, I think I heard her friend call her Oprah, but I wouldn't swear to it.
Rex - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey, I'm a masher! Potatoes fear me. As for the parody police, shortly after Kim Carnes released her cover of this song, Dr. Demento was deluged with parodies of it. This is as good as any I've heard, except perhaps for "Marty Feldman Eyes".
Red Ant - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Yep, I've just been through Dee Range territory here, a land of laughs o plenty. TMGLTM. BTW, what kind of put-down is "masher"? I weighed (wade? lol) in with 5s.
Dee Range - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Ant, a 'masher' is a term for a gigolo/ladies man that is not used nowadays. I haven't heard the term used in over 20 years. In other words, she thought I was pinching her ass, and hitting on, a skinny 16 year old white boy, hitting on a humongous black lady at least 15-20 years older than me. It still cracks me up every time I think about it.
Johnny D - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
*chuckle*snicker*...Reminds me of a VERY GROSS parody written long ago by Pirate Captain Paul Robinson....ARRRRRGH !!!
Larry Hensley - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Humongously funny parody!
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
DK Betty Crocker. Sorry!
Dee Range - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Peter, Betty Crocker is a name brand that makes cakes, pies, brownies, and many other fattening desserts. Betty Crocker thighs refers to someone who eats too many sweets, resulting in huge, fat, thighs. Thanks for reading it anyway, and thanks to Johnny D. and Larry Hensley also.
carol - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
(laughs histerically and falls on the floor)
Dee Range - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Carol, I hope you fell on the floor from laughing, and not from the legs breaking off your chair! Thanks so much.
Dee Range - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Rex, I overlooked you while thanking everybody yesterday, but that was a nice compliment. Thanks for sticking up for me to the 'parody police'. If he/she had ever read any of my work, he/she would know I never copy from others....
Agrimorfee - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
A great new take on a classic. Many parodies have been done to it, as a matter of fact ("Marty Feldman Eyes" being a favorite), but this was on a par with those oldies. Good job, Dee!
Dee Range - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee, thanks. I have got to somehow find the recording of Marty Feldman's eyes....from the remarks, and the title alone, it sounds hysterical.
Cop Killer - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Responding to the April 10th comment made by Mr. "Parody Police": Yes, somebody did a parody of this song with "Thighs" in the title, but it's a completely different spoof altogether. And as "Commissioner" said, it involved Laura Bush (the U.S. First Lady) instead of Betty Crocker.
Attorney General - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
That's right, although the parodies both deal with "thighs" the approach and message are much different. While this paroday is funny, the police commissioner misspoke. Laura Bush's thighs is as funny.
baa - April 20, 2006 - Report this comment
So did Cop Killer clarify it better, Mr/Ms Attorney General?
DaBruce - December 05, 2012 - Report this comment
I think the references to Laura Bush should be Barbara Bush's Eyes. I remember that parody from around the time when First Lady, Barbara Bush was diagnosed with Grave's Disease, a thyroid condition; one its symptoms being bulging eyes. I remember the line, "She always looks surprised. She's got Barbara Bush's eyes."

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