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Song Parodies -> "How'd They Abscond?"

Original Song Title:

"'Cause I'm a Blonde"

Original Performer:

Julie Brown

Parody Song Title:

"How'd They Abscond?"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

A mysterious prisoner escape? Captain McDumbass is on the case!
How'd they abscond? All I did was blink
And now they're escapin' from the world's securest clink
Left in a hurry, that part I understand
I'd hate to be locked up, but I'll still ask:
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah

Now my brain is hurtin', synapses rekindle
How did this escape work? Complex or real simple?
Call the squad, S-Q-U-A-D
How'd they abscond? Like them, it escapes me

Lookin' at the crime scene, empty cell from which they booked
Acid? Jackhammers? Sorry, I'm not a crook
So I can't envision how all this can be
C4's a curiosity, I'm lost
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah

They'd have to get from this place to outside, that's basic knowledge
Might be a small clue I found: this wall, someone bombed it
Scratch my scone, nyah, nyah, nyah
How'd they abscond? Nyah, nyah, nyah

A great escape it must've been to not get noticed
I was watchin' them and so to blame me's total bogus
Um, okay, it just clicked, okay, um, I did sleep
Oh yeah, okay, not on the job!
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah

I only have my rest at my own house, of course
Left my post to take it, doesn't really support
How I'm at fault, F-A-U-L-T
How'd they abscond? Such a big mystery

I just gotta say that bein' blamed cause my shift wasn't covered
Is, like, pure nonsense cause since when was it my duty to do that?
I can't be arrested, I still have to learn how they escaped
How was there no footage of those two escapin'? This broken cam'ra's weird
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah

It isn't possible, they were in view
Of the pris'ner oppos- just released? Shoot
How'd they abscond? Oh hell, I don't know
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah
How'd they abscond? Yeah, yeah, yeah

I swear, I checked the definition of "abscond" a thousand times to make sure it didn't specifically mean "to run off with a thing" and was actually the more general "to run off". Stupid brain.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Arwen - December 05, 2005 - Report this comment
It may go without saying that when I was in the 4th grade, I thought this OS was the most brilliant song EVER...

...but it does need to be noted that, in spite of myself, it's still one of my favorites...and I LOVE James Bond, too...it was sort of a requirement to be in my family.

"I took an acting test and I flunked it, of course" was my FAVORITE line...

Great job, Rick...very funny!
Rick D - December 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks Super A. It's a favorite of mine, too. For those that don't know, this song was featured in the movie "Earth Girls Are Easy" also written by Ms. Brown. Not only is it a funny movie with a great cast, but has a long segment of Geena Davis running around in a bikini.
MasonR - December 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey Rick, LOL! I remember the OS well..."I can't spell VW but I drive a Porsche" was one of my favorite lines. I also got a kick out of "The Homecoming Queen's Got A Gun" (she sings about the math teacher getting shot: "well It's really sad/but kind of a relief/see, I had this big test coming up next week!") but with school violence these days I guess it's not so funny any more. Julie Brown (not to be confused with MTV's Downtown Julie Brown) was a comic genious...anybody know what she's up to these days?
Ravyn Rant - December 05, 2005 - Report this comment
"Duck, Magnum, duck!" I still have the OS on vinyl. Your parody has me shaken and stirred - with laughter.
Rex - December 05, 2005 - Report this comment
What does Bond say when he gets a new gadget? "Thank Q." This was great!
Michael Pacholek - December 05, 2005 - Report this comment
From Wikipedia: "In 1992, Brown was given her own sketch comedy show on Fox called The Edge, but unfortunately its quirky humor didn't have a mass appeal and it was soon cancelled. (Brown did, however, cast another San Fernando Valley native, Jennifer Aniston, as a regular on this series. She went on to become a superstar herself.) That same year, she released the Showtime television movie Medusa: Dare to Be Truthful. A scathing satire of celebrity Madonna and her documentary film Truth or Dare, it was hailed by critics as a comedic triumph. Julie followed its success with another satire film, Attack of the 5 Ft. 2 Women, which lampooned Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan, as well as Lorena Bobbitt. (She continued to make television guest appearances and contributed voices to various cartoons including Animaniacs.) She has one son, born in 1993. She married Ken Rathjen in 1994, the year Attack of the 5 Ft. 2 Women was produced. In 1995, Brown collaborated on the production of a script she had co-written with director Amy Heckerling called Clueless. The film was a smash hit, and a TV series spinoff produced and directed by Brown was also popular. She focused on this show until its cancellation in 1999. In 2000, another series conceptualized, written and produced by Brown came into fruition. Called Strip Mall, it debuted on the Comedy Central network. However, like many series on said network, it only lasted two years before being cancelled. Since 2004, Brown has been a frequent commentator on several E! specials, including 101 Reasons the '90s Ruled, 101 Most Starlicious Makeovers, 101 Most Awesome Moments in Entertainment, and 50 Most Outrageous TV Moments." But Downtown Julie Brown is still better, and hotter. What can I say, I have this thing for women from Wales.
Larry Hensley - December 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Funny parody.

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