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Song Parodies -> "Down at the Purity Ball"

Original Song Title:

"Down at the End of Your Road"

Original Performer:

Jethro Tull

Parody Song Title:

"Down at the Purity Ball"

Parody Written by:

Edward Genereux

The Lyrics

This parody, my 108th overall and second of Jethro Tull, deals with the creepy evangelical Christian institution known as the purity ball. If you don't already know what it is, your rock is one worth living under. However, I will tell you that it essentially is an event for which teen girls dress up and make up like promgoers, but then dance the night away with their fathers, who pledge to protect their daughters' purity. Moreover, the purity pledge assumes that women will be the protected property of their fathers and, later, their husbands. All this in a country based on the separation of church and state--a fact I hold dear even though I'm a Christian! It was inevitable that I should write this parody to explain that it's okay to be pure until marriage, but don't let your parents force it down your throat.
I am a man who seeks nothing but what is right,
So when I heard this, it did increase my gall:
That there is an event in Colorado Springs
That's called the purity ball.
Let me expose the purity ball.

Well, these ceremonies look just like a prom dance,
But they are made for old men and their teen girls
Down whose throats are forced ideals of purity
And other things that make me hurl.
I say, such is the purity ball.

As soon as dinner comes, the dads put a silver ring
On their own daughters' fingers for all to see.
Then they lay white roses down at the foot of a cross
So the flow'rs look just like a V.

Now, Pastor Wilson (1), what do you make of my words?
Have you regrets about your sexist regime?
"Well, Ed, I want to keep my girls the chattels of husbands
Who would be their protectors, it seems,"
Says he who started purity balls.

I went to some nearby bar to drown my disgust
With a tall beer of the microbrew kind,
But I drank too fast so that it did nothing
To clear 'way all these thoughts from my mind
That I got from the purity ball

All this down at the purity ball. (repeat 8x)
Footnote: (1) Randy Wilson and his wife Lisa started this crap to honour their five daughters.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.3
How Funny: 2.3
Overall Rating: 2.3

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

x - October 10, 2014 - Report this comment
Totally unlyrical, and unpoetic. Has no connection to the OS, and does not in any way make use of it's musicality. By the way, your intro says everything you have to say, and much better, since it's shorter. So the song is redundant, as well as preachy, labored, and dull. I'm certainly no fan of the Purity Balls, but I'm left feeling even they deserve better than this.
Edward Genereux - October 10, 2014 - Report this comment
Sorry you feel that way, x. What song should I have made fun of?
Rape Survivor - October 10, 2014 - Report this comment
Whatever it takes to expose this sickening phenomena - you did a good job. The sad truth is that there are so many dummies who buy into this incestuous puke and yet so many girls + boys are pressured to lose their virginity and even more lose it every day due to rape - from within + without of the family. And all these "religious" nerds are so damn determined that their kids learn NOTHING about sex ed, especially contraceptives. This practice is ugly, backward, Stone Age and insane. Also, in this stupid ceremony the girl blows (no pun intended) out candles on a cake, she + daddy cut the cake and the daughter signs a contract vowing virginity until marriage. Then daughter + daddy slow dance - DISGUSTING! It's a hypocrisy and it's unrealistic and it's for incestuous perverts. Randy and Lisa Wilson are sick. This reminds me of Mackenzie Phillips + her dad, Charlotte Gainsburg and her dad Sergio ("Lemon Incest"), and others. Still, this gross action like snake handling in the name of God should be brought to light and you did a good job of that. All that stupid craziness, it makes me want to UPCHUCK.

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