I want a new mug, one with a smaller schnozz
I wish I could get one of those, from that Wizard who's in Oz
I want a new mug, one not so long and thin
One that won't make my mom ashamed, that she and I are kin

One that shouldn't be covered, by a big paper bag
One that won't lose beauty contests with an old hag, with an ugly old hag

I want a new mug, with less nose hair
One that won't make people, point at me and stare
I want a new mug, one with much fewer scars
One that won't make people want to, send me off on a ship to Mars
One that shouldn't be covered, by a big paper bag
Looks worse than a hag, my face

I want a new mug, one with much less acne
So the ugly police patrol
Will not constantly attack me
I want a new mug, with a small snout
One that shouldn't be covered, by a big paper bag
Look worse than a hag, look worse than a hag, yeah