Said he killed his sister for not paying what she owed
When she stopped on his hotel on the Old Kent Road

She said that he owed her
For her house on Leicester Squer
His reaction was an awful shame:
'Cause he picked up the lead pipe
And he took a heavy swipe
In the library.. oh no, wrong game

'Nopoly's a hateful hobby
Conflicts run all through the night
Causes family divisions
Always ends in fights
Yes, in fights

Sometimes when we're feeling bored we have another game
Don't know why we bother 'cause it always ends the same

I never, ever fail
To land on "Go to jail"
"Bank dividends" aren't paid to me
And it's never, ever me
Who'll get out of jail free
That's why I hate Monopolee

'Nopoly's for lucky b*****ds
Win just once? You'd think I might
If it looks like I am winning
He'll just start a fight

[Marvellously whiny guitar solo]

One night was such a game:
I had Mayfair and Park Lane
But when he came to take a Chance
I think I saw it say
On the card "Advance to May..."
But he put it back, did not advance

'Nopoly turns friends to en'mies
Calculated to incite
All you want's your own possessions
Why'd we play tonight?

'Nopoly's a putrid pastime
Causes hate, greed and spite
Both depression and aggression
And you know I'm right
Yes, I'm right
Yes, I'm right
YES! I'M RIGHT!!!