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Song Parodies -> "These Jeans"

Original Song Title:

"These Dreams"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"These Jeans"

Parody Written by:

Bob Emmet/Project Sisyphus

The Lyrics

This song, which appears on our smash album* "FInding Emo," was actually mostly written by my wife Connie! Unfortunately, as we have discovered the amiright search tool, we now see that a couple of other people have had this exact same parody idea, with similar lyrics. We didn't know, we're very sorry, please forgive us, GMTA. *"smash" meaning "we've sold nearly two copies."
Spare some of your candy
Save a bite for me
My derriere expands

My skin, it stretches
As I jump and roll and twist
But my full moon still hangs over
These jeans that won’t fit

I say it’s water weight
Insist it’s nothing more
But maybe it’s from eating
Cheese Snax by the score
The only things I think of
Are nuts and chips and dip
And all my new clothes
Are from the plus-size store

These jeans go on! I tell myself such lies
Every French fry that I eat
Expands my widening thighs
I plead for help,
but still have tooo much pride
Yet the zipper just won’t zip;
‘cause of my rhino hips

I plan to exercise
But seldom get the urge
I’m half-bulemic,
‘cause I binge, but never purge
Pizza on my sweater
Chocolate in my mitt
Time for an elastic waistband
and a relaxed fit

These jeans go on, but I must grease my thighs
Every second I regret the times I super-sized
My undies show although they are low-rise
When I suck in all my gut,
I still have too much butt

There’s junk food out there
I can’t resist
I need to hide away all I’ve gained
There’s junk food out there
I can’t resist

The sweetest sound is when the
zipper meets my waist My circulation’s cut off
From my feet to face
In a daze, flushed and panting
Out from my room I slip
But the sound I just heard
Was an ominous rip

These jeans go on, when I grease my thighs
Every donut that I eat, I add another size
My beam is broad from devouring pies
I should exercise today
I want another way

These jeans go on (I tell myself such lies)
South Beach, Atkins, Jenny Craig
I’ll give them all a try
No please, I researched; you know what I spied?
My insurance covers me, for gastric surgery (etc.)
© 2007 Connie Armstrong and Bob Emmet

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

TJC - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Very funny and excellent rhymes... I can't imagine those other versions you mentioned exceeded this bar's height!
McKludge - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
As much as I hate the later songs from Heart, this is very good. Many good lines "Every second I regret the times I super-sized" and "My beam is broad from devouring pies" 555
Red Ant - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
There should be more Heart parodies, especially one this good! "I’m half-bulemic, ‘cause I binge, but never purge" I got a hell of a laugh from that one. Great job, Bob and Connie. 555
Guy - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Must be something in the genes. I've heard that a fat gene was found by genetisists. Wonder how they figured that out? (Looks up in deep thought until the Sylvania moment occurs) When they studied the genes under high magnification it must have been the gene wearing the jeans with the zipper stuck half way up. Anyone do one on `These Genes`? - Hmm I may have to check the gene therapy on this site and EXPAND my PORTfolio. Here - take this coupon from Jenny Graig for 5 pounds off in 5 day at $5.00 off.
Kristof Robertson - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
I so am on your wavelength, Bob:
Viva La Obesity! 555
John Barry - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
You've got parody in your genes.
Project Sisyphus - November 09, 2007 - Report this comment
Thank you, TJC, McKludge, Ant, Guy, Kristof and John. Kristof, you rock—"pants in Dire Straits"— I added some 5s to your overflowing collection!
PMS - November 10, 2007 - Report this comment
Three big fat fives. Too many great lines to mention

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