Spare some of your candy
Save a bite for me
My derriere expands
Exponentially

My skin, it stretches
As I jump and roll and twist
But my full moon still hangs over
These jeans that won’t fit

I say it’s water weight
Insist it’s nothing more
But maybe it’s from eating
Cheese Snax by the score
The only things I think of
Are nuts and chips and dip
And all my new clothes
Are from the plus-size store

These jeans go on! I tell myself such lies
Every French fry that I eat
Expands my widening thighs
I plead for help,
but still have tooo much pride
Yet the zipper just won’t zip;
‘cause of my rhino hips

I plan to exercise
But seldom get the urge
I’m half-bulemic,
‘cause I binge, but never purge
Pizza on my sweater
Chocolate in my mitt
Time for an elastic waistband
and a relaxed fit

These jeans go on, but I must grease my thighs
Every second I regret the times I super-sized
My undies show although they are low-rise
When I suck in all my gut,
I still have too much butt

There’s junk food out there
I can’t resist
I need to hide away all I’ve gained
There’s junk food out there
I can’t resist

The sweetest sound is when the
zipper meets my waist My circulation’s cut off
From my feet to face
In a daze, flushed and panting
Out from my room I slip
But the sound I just heard
Was an ominous rip

These jeans go on, when I grease my thighs
Every donut that I eat, I add another size
My beam is broad from devouring pies
I should exercise today
I want another way

These jeans go on (I tell myself such lies)
South Beach, Atkins, Jenny Craig
I’ll give them all a try
No please, I researched; you know what I spied?
My insurance covers me, for gastric surgery (etc.)