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Song Parodies -> "(Hitler's) Food Tasters"

Original Song Title:

"Maneater"

Original Performer:

Hall & Oates

Parody Song Title:

"(Hitler's) Food Tasters"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The E-15 were 15 German girls that pre-tasted Hitler's food at the Wolf's Lair in case it had been poisoned. They started work in 1942 and continued through 1945. Little-know, a recent survivor Margot Woelk disclosed her role in WW2 at age 95. She had moved from Berlin to Rastenburg with relatives and then was selected to be one of 15 girls that worked at the Lair under SS guard. Woelk said that the food was excellent and in abundance but that eating it was hard out fo fear of Allied attempts to poison (Britain was serious about trying just as Germany sent explosive food cans and candy bars to kill the Royals). Of the 15 girls only Woelk escaped the Lair to return to Berlin. The other 14 girls were shot at the Lair when it fell in Jan 1945. Woelk was captured and gan-raped by the Soviets for 14 days straight before being released. her husband survived the war from the German Army and yet she never told him what she did for the Fuhrer. Although she maintains that Hitler was a vegetarian that ate veggies, rice, and pasta... that is still a myth. Hitler had gastrointestinal problems and so his doctor put him on a largely vegetarian diet although Eva Braun revealed that Hitler sometimes ate meat in small quantities. Woelk never even saw the Fuhrer at the Lair but did get to pet Blondie and talk to the SS men there. When the bomb went off on July 20, 1944 she was outside with the other girls on a bench and dropped to the ground. After that the girls were all moved to a school nearby out of security concerns. The SS told Woelk she should leave before the Lair fell and she did- it saved her life. Woelk is still alive as the book and movie offers pour in with great interest in Germany, Europe, and the world.
Wonder if they’ll die tonight
Such is food tasting fright
Must pass review, before serving the Fuhrer
Sampling and tasting
Oh, they’re tastin’ the food as the SS guards the floor

Fear of British poisoning
Wolf’s Lair- fifteen girls did sampling
The banquets were wild, fine dining while citizens often starved
Inspecting platters
Food was more than enough, but fear made digestion hard

(Oh-oh, here they come) Fifteen girls on fine food supped
(Oh-oh, here they come) Hitler’s food tasters
(Oh-oh, here they come) Fifteen girls on fine food supped
(Oh-oh, here they come) Hitler’s food tasters

They were active since ‘42
Berlin and Rastenburg crews
The fear of poison, E-15 still sampled every part
Serving the Fuhrer
Oh, they were all scared but still willingly took part

(Oh-oh, here they come) Fifteen girls on fine food supped
(Oh-oh, here they come) Hitler’s food tasters
(Oh-oh, here they come) Fifteen girls on fine food supped
(Oh-oh, here they come) Hitler’s food tasters

Ooh,
(Oh-oh, here they come) Here they comes, fifteen girls on fine food supped
(Whoa-oh, here they come. Forks out) Hitler’s food tasters
(Oh-oh, here they come. Hitler‘s food tasters) Girls on fine food supped
(Oh-oh, here they come) Here they come, Hitler’s food tasters
(Oh-oh, here they come. Spoons out) Wonder if they‘ll die at night, (Gott, Nein!!!)
(Oh-oh, here they come) Here they come, Hitler’s food tasters
(Oh-oh, here they come. Hitler‘s food tasters) The banquets were wild, full
(Oh-oh, here they come) Here they come. Fifteen girls, fifteen girls
(Oh-oh, here they come) Oh, forks out, spoons out, hands out, tongues out
(Oh-oh, here they come) Yeah, yeah, Hitler’s food tasters
(Oh-oh, here they come. Hitler‘s food tasters) They‘re sampling and tasting, (Ja, Gut!)
(Oh-oh, here they come) E-15: Hitler’s food tasters
Note: I assume the E stands for Essen (food)...?

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
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 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

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Patrick - April 29, 2013 - Report this comment
Just like tyrants, killing the people whose work they depend on. Reminds me of the kings who killed the architects who built their palaces or the Bohemian monarch who commissioned a fine clock, then blinded the clock maker so he could never build one for someone else. (In that case at least, the clockmaker found his way back and destroyed the clock so that it took 500 years to fix it. I imagine no one qualified thought it worth the risk.). I've always read that Hitler's alleged vegetarianism and his sexual abstinence were simply propaganda to enhance an image of being a Ghandi like figure. The two me could hardly have been farther apart in terms of philosophy and ideals, but both were very conscious of maintaining a carefully crafted image.
Peter Andersson - April 29, 2013 - Report this comment
I heard some of this story on the news over the weekend and thought to myself that here comes another ten weeks saved for the history channel - AND that they'll probably manage to spin it into propaganda for top notch German food too, selling lots of ads on it, he-he.

Hmm... with your knowledge of German names (and food?) you might rewrite Paul Simon's 50 Ways To Leavy Your Lover as 15 Girls To Taste For Hitler with a food name and a girl name in each chorus line (OK, I'll admit, the title for that idea is probably funnier than anything that could be squeezed out of the rest of that so it's probably not worth it).
Lifeliver - April 29, 2013 - Report this comment
DKOS but this was interesting and substantial, a damn good read, if a little morbid. The comments too. If you don't mind my saying so, I wish you'd spend more time on original, meaty themes like this than those interminable 'Honey Pie' and 'Spell' toss-offs, especially now JAB seems to be out of the loop for the moment.
Jonathan - April 29, 2013 - Report this comment
since 9 is no in german what does 5 mean?
Rob Arndt - April 29, 2013 - Report this comment
Patrick, the Reds shot the 14 girls, NOT the SS!!! Also, Hitler was NOT a vegetarian despite what he ate at the Wolf's lair. He had gastrointestinal problems but still ate meat every now and then according to his doctor and Eva Braun. As for sex, he was "normal" according to Eva Braun. The British and to a lesser extent the French made up all sorts of lies about Hitler to villify him. He did NOT have any STD from a French WW1 whore, had 2 testicles NOT one, nor took "golden showers" nor caused his niece to kill herself. One should clearly know these were lies simply b/c Hitler had a very busy schedule and was ALWAYS surrounded by people. The German Magnetophone was used during WW2 to fool the Allies about Hitlers location as many of his speeches that were supposed to be LIVE were actually pre-recorded on recording tape! US found out about that in 1945 after capturing a Magnetophone. Even in the bunker during the last days Hitler played with Blondie, her pup Wolf, and the Goebbels children. You never see that in any of the "Last Days" films about Hitler including the excellent "Downfall."
Patrick - April 30, 2013 - Report this comment
I remember when I was in college reading a book called "The Mind of Adolf Hitler". It was a wartime psychological study commissioned by the OSS, based on a lot of Freudian speculation and testimony from refugees who had every reason to vilify him. What is your take on rumors that Hitler fathered a son by a French woman during the 1914-1918 war?
Rob Arndt - May 28, 2013 - Report this comment
Patrick, absolutely false as verified by Hitlers fellow soldiers. Hitler was a loner that did not drink nor smoke and refused to go to French brothels. He spent his time reading and playing with a captured terrier named Fuchsl in the trench networks. He received very little mail or parcels. Hitler was vilified by the British and French in WW2 with many outrageous claims that were false. Hitler did not have a STD from French prostitute in WW1, he did not have 1 testicle, he did not participate in golden shower rituals or weird sex, he did not have his niece killed, and so on... But myths persist due to the written word which is sometimes the most powerful weapon. When I was in school in the 1970s/80s a teacher called Hitler an inhuman monster and defied anyone to name 10 things that showed he had any humanity. When I did, the teacher got furious b/c his parents were killed by the Nazis. That was his rationale for his views- he was a Pole.

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