Hi there people, I´m Santa Claus
They say that these days I´m full of flaws
My guts to big, my beard is twisted
I tell little kids that they are not listed

Once I chilled in the northern dark
I´m bunking now in a trailer park
I got a toothfairy near, I force to help with the packing
I have to fill the gaps of all the elfs I´m lacking

Oh crap, I´m now an American bum
I do not think I´m striking dumb
But I´m a downfallen sonofabitch
I didn´t sell my shares in time to be real rich
(Didn´t sell, didn´t sell, didn´t sell out)

The dotcom evolution
came crushing like a revolution
I tell you people, it was a sad day
When some blackfoot elves sold the sleigh on eBay

I had a little fit then
I stamped upon a giftmarked kitten
I raised my voice in affect, but they had joined the mob
Now Mrs Claus a Don and I have shrunk to slob

Oh God, it was just a terrible knock
For days I was in a bloody shock
I was a miserable unjolly man
I drank som gin and whiskey, before I ran
(No wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder)

So I left them and bought me a mobile home
I jingle the bell, wherever I roam
Got a job doing Pokemon promo
And Prancer I sold to a zoodophile homo

(Sampling Public Enemy)
"Base, how low can you go?"
"Base, how low can you go?"
"Base, how low can you go?"
(Repeated suitable number of times before getting back to original pace)

Eventually me and some trolls
Sorta went into biz with inflatable dolls
I can make about a hundred in a regular week
´Long as I´m not getting sick and weak

Oh God, I´m now doing minimum wage
With a foreman on my ass till I´m in a rage
And I´ll do anything for icecold beer
I stay awake nights puking on my gear

Oh God, Oh God, I´m doing crack now
Bumming out´s my only flack now
And my name is Santa Claus
Ho, Ho, Ho, I´m full of flaws

And my name is Santa Claus
Ho, Ho, Ho, I´m full of flaws
And my name is Santa Claus
Ho, Ho, Ho, I´m full of flaws