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Song Parodies -> "Nukebox Zero"

Original Song Title:

"Jukebox Hero"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Nukebox Zero"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The President's Halliburton Zero nuclear briefcase (aka Nuclear Football or Omega Triple Z) in a hypothetical WW3 with Russia.
Sitting in his plane, destiny unknown
His ROTA aide with him, nothing heard on the phone
Saw a flash all around, then came the EMP
Watched his F-15s fall, heard the female staff scream

It hit like a star, just blew up that way
They were all terrified, now had come doomsday
Brought out the Football Z-Thing, never used it before
No way to delay it, t'was a nuclear war

It had gone that far, POTUS taking a stand
45 lbs, taking his commands
It had gone that far, entering Gold codes
OPLAN 8-0-1-0, ID"d by "biscuit" hold

So, it started launchin'
Until all loads have dropped
Gotta keep on launchin'
Yeah, somehow Mad Putin must be stopped

Pres used the Nukebox Zero, taking many lives
He used Nukebox Zero
It had gone that far, Nukebox Zero, taking many lives
Nukebox Zero, will it survive the flight? (Or night?)

Now Putin was not afraid, he had something in store
In a flash there went Moscow, but "Dead Hand" ignored
Survived for only one task, all last targets remained
So the codes went out to the underground trains

Retaliatory launchin'
And it just won't stop
Russian nukes keep a-launchin'
Here comes the dreaded A-poc(alypse!!!)

Aaaagggghhhh!!! So hot!!!

POTUS used Nukebox Zero, came as no surprise
"Football" Nukebox Zero, aide was Yankee White
Yeah, Nukebox Zero, taking many lives
Megaton stars, none left alive
Ultimate fight

Yeah, both sides keep on launchin'
"Rain" just won't stop
Gotta keep on launchin'
Yeah, somehow the Madmen must be stopped

Used the Nukebox Zero, everyone now fries
Used the Nukebox Zero, everyone now dies
3x5 card, the codes authorized
Used the Nukebox Zero, E-6 abides
... spotted by satellite!!!


Last Super-Flankers on its tail arrive
A fireball
The briefcase signals die
... as does everything else

(Fade Out Forever)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Patrick - September 25, 2014 - Report this comment
Looks like we both scored some "Zeroes" today. A very scary scenario you present here, imagine all the money and energy spent preparing to exterminate all life on the planet. Whoever pushes the button first destroys himself along with everyone else. No more campaign stops and contributions. No more constituents. Ultimate power leads to total loss of control.
Rob Arndt - September 25, 2014 - Report this comment
I may do a parody with the Nazi Raven system that is under investigation in Prague. It was a doomsday scheme for an underground drill loaded with a huge amount of uranium and red mercury. It was to drill down to the core and detonate. No kidding! The SS believed that up to half the world would be destroyed by the blast and subsequent earthquakes and other tectonic disasters.
Patrick - September 26, 2014 - Report this comment
Problem with that scheme would be that you'd have to find a way to make sure Germany was not in the half that was blown up.
Rob Arndt - September 26, 2014 - Report this comment
Hitler did not authorize the Raven. It was on Himmler's command under SS control of occupied territory. The SS had a separate atomic program in Austria, Poland, and former Czechoslovakia. The Raven was being built as a way to destroy the earth when Germany was about to fall. Only the drill component was under construction when the mine was collapsed. Digging is going on in the three nations I listed searching for atomic research documents and components. Traditional history on the German A-bombs is falsified. Two small detonations occured in tests in the Baltic and Thuringia in Jan and March 1945. Over 1000 died in the latter SS test. These were either German mini-nukes or the SS liquid oxygen bomb. The Raven fell under the SS Grosse uranium bomb program and was also known as an obliteration weapon. The mini-nuke was under the Klein program, to be carried by the Bf 109K-4 fighter and would weigh 880 lbs. Most likely a tactical nuke.
Jonathan - September 26, 2014 - Report this comment
Da Bomb! 5's
Patrick - September 29, 2014 - Report this comment
I once saw a photo of an Italian fighter plane, WWII vintage. The caption said it was carrying a liquid oxygen bomb. Was this a common weapon?
Rob Arndt - September 29, 2014 - Report this comment
The RE.2001 is carrying an experimental anti-shipping glide bomb at Fubara in 1943
Dave W - October 02, 2014 - Report this comment
Give me a nuke....NUKE....Give me a nuke, NUKE,NUKE......Give me a nuke, nuke, nuke......NUKE, NUKE, NUKE........What's that spell ?..............What's that spell?.............I said - What's that spell?................................................uh oh, what did I just do?

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