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Song Parodies -> "Medical Cure-All"

Original Song Title:

"Orinoco Flow"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Medical Cure-All"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

A tale of a backwards quack of a doctor convincing (or at least attempting to) a patient to try the best medicine of all: LEECHES. Inspired by the Blackadder episode Bells (see here: starting at 2:08)
If you're ill, if you're ill
Try the medical cure-all:
It's the leech, try the leech
It can cure near anything
Don't need pills, won't need pills
Cause they hardly work at all
Try a leech, try a leech
And they won't cost you a thing

Suck blood...
Suck blood...
Suck blood...
Suck blood...

Your body just has way too much blood
Do you really need all of that blood?
No you don't, after all, it's just blood
"How can I deal with my excess blood?"

So put four in your mouth - and slowly let them dissolve
Thank the leech, works a peach, makes medicine look easy
Got the flu? Try a few leeches on your throat - flu's gone!
Not a fee, not a fee - 'cept if you want the elite

Suck blood...
Suck blood...
Suck blood...
Suck blood...

Acting up? Acting up? Leeches drain blood for you
Too much blood? Too much blood? Leeches suck up for you
Nose is clogged? Nose is clogged? Stick a leech on, and soon

Clog is gone, clog is gone, clog is gone!
Yes it's gone, yes it's gone, yes it's gone!
It is gone, it is gone, it is gone!
Clog is gone, clog is gone, clog is gone!

It's all thanks to advances made by Dr. Hoffman
Great is he, he knows all there's to know, what a great man
Great is he, owner of the largest leech farm I've been
Great is he, owner of the largest leech farm I've seen
He can heal, any ill with the medical cure-all
Are you ill? Are you ill?
(Yeah, I guess you could say that I am)

Pain in ear? Have no fear
On your ear we'll put a leech
Pain in eye? Do not cry, 'cause the salt will sting the leech
You look pail, kinda frail
(Go away, go away, go away)

Just a leech, one small leech
There is nothin' wrong with it
You seem ill, pretty ill
(Go away, go away, go away)
You silly, so silly - to reject the helpful leech
You're still ill, very ill
(I don't care, I don't care, I don't care)
You say 'ow' when you frown - I can help you if you want
Since you're ill, you're so ill
(Go away, go away, go away)
What's so 'ick' 'bout a leech?
It will drain your blood away
Very quick, super quick
(Need my blood, need my blood, need my blood)
You're a fool, petty fool if you think you need your blood
Makes you ill, makes you ill
(Go away, go away, go away)

You're still ill, you're still ill
(Not a chance, not a chance, not a chance)
(You're a quack, you're a quack, you're a quack)
(Such a quack, such a quack, such a quack)
(Total hack, total hack, total hack)
(Dr. Drac, Dr. Drac, Dr. Drac)
OS chosen purely because of this mashup of it with Smack My B!tch Up by Prodigy.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Nelson - January 18, 2010 - Report this comment
Yeesh. Disgustingly funny! 5's
Patrick - January 18, 2010 - Report this comment
If the Democrats pass their health care nightmare we may have to revert to leechcraft, laetril, & Mexican goat gland clinics. And with the waits for MRI scans, anyone needing internal examinations will be sent to the airport. Tough song to parody. Good job.
Agrimorfee - January 20, 2010 - Report this comment
Wow, you took a creative idea and, much like your subject, latched onto it!
Matthias - January 21, 2010 - Report this comment
Great job here! I have good feelings about this one in the competition! Perhaps Enya and Paper Lace are perfect artists for you. You can keep your oddball artists lol
Rex - February 06, 2010 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Many leeches have risen to the top of the tax collection industry; they have a natural talent for sucking people dry. Good job on this one, but eeeew.
Below Average Dave - February 07, 2010 - Report this comment
This round is off the one heck of a start, first the fantastic misheard Red Ant parody and know what could rival "This One Camp Trip" for the title of best TCOP parody ever. Love the crazy topic idea, great pacing and rhyming, but the crowning achievement for you here is your creative chorus use. You kept the theme through them using the word blood but with enough changing to it to make it non-repetitive, and with this OS that's amazing. Great job TCOP, this is the kind of work you are capable of when you really put your mind to it, and you can truly be a conqueror of parodies, keep it up!
Red Ant - February 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Ditto what BAD wrote. Damned fine parody, tcop. 555
Below Average Dave - July 27, 2010 - Report this comment
See above!!!
Abbott Skelding - July 28, 2010 - Report this comment
ABC: Never heard the original song, but this was a pretty creative idea that was done well. 555 more leeches
Mark Scotti - July 28, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC) LOL!!! reminds me of the Sat. Nite Live sketch with Steve Martin as the town 'Barber"(What's wrong with a good leaching. who's the barber here?....)
Matthias - August 01, 2010 - Report this comment
Still a fan of this one, Honestly I think this is the best parody you've done. Forget "Bloody Sick of Twilight" although you won SOTM with that this is my favorite that you've done.
Andria - August 11, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC M & N) I hate leeches, but I love the parody and OS. Agreed with others, this is the best parody in Conqueror's repertoire, and Enya OSes are tough as nails to parody, and very hard to make a Weird Al- or Bob Rivers-grade parody from. Everything shines on this parody, particularly choruses and variation. "Leaching" out 5s.
Christie Marie M - August 12, 2010 - Report this comment
(ABC M/N) Yeah, leeches are the best medical cure-all, although an ancient remedy. I also heard they use maggots (yick, gross!) to cure foot and leg infection to eat up dead tissue causing bacteria as well! Well, your pacing and lyrics 'flowed' in an articulate manner. Curing 555 diseases with this one!
Guy - August 14, 2010 - Report this comment

Sounds like some lawyers I've run across. To leech his own. I remember the leech scene in the movie "Stand by me". This reminded me of that for some reason.
DJ Blaze - August 15, 2010 - Report this comment
A little repetitive, but very good overall. I hate leeches... 555
Christie Marie M - January 11, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC Tournament) I sure need to try the leech treatment when I get skin infection or blood clots. Love the OS and parody.

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