I'm just a pig, I know, Kleenex up my nose
Though it's just a part I'm playing
Belch at every chance, gut hangs over pants
Bad manners I'm displaying
To Randi's kin I play a horrific fiance
Just what will they think about me
At the end of the show, to our wedding they do go
We will get the money

If they say okay to our wedding day
We will see half a grand
I'll show her my butt and drive Randi nuts 'cause
It's Fox's latest scam

I ain't got no real job
Nobody, nobody will hire me
Nobody, nobody
I'll just play a drunk slob
Fat and lazy, drive her crazy
Won't some sitcom come and take a chance with me
I'll do anything

Hot tub with me babe, been yellin' "you suck"
Across the fence
Bumpin' de bump, shakin' rump, Forrest Gump
Booze booz-adee booz-adee flop dirty flop

She played with my back fat when I got a massage
Groan-ala moan-ula bone-ula groan-ala moan-ula bone-ula STOP!

I'm so rude and bawdy
Her family will hate me
So naughty, to everybody
I'm so bad and phony
Bad and phony, gonads are lonely
Won't some sitcom come and take a chance with me
I'll do anything

Reality TV sucks, so hope we win the bucks
So I can go get another gig
It's just a TV show, but don't like being known
best as Steve, the pig.