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Song Parodies -> "Speaker Of The House"

Original Song Title:

"Master Of The House"

Original Performer:

Cast of Les Miserables

Parody Song Title:

"Speaker Of The House"

Parody Written by:

Steve Kalafut

The Lyrics

I know that this idea was used a few years back, but I decided to make a newer version, starring the current Speaker, featuring his immediate predecessor, and with some cameos by earlier ones. Also with choral vocals by members of congress, and the people who voted to send them there.
Welcome, our guests, sit yourselves down
And meet the man in charge of the clowns
Some on the left, some on the right
Ready to rant and willing to fight
Surely we opine
Some are soft as he
A man of doubtful spine
Once again will be

[John Boehner]
Speaker of the House, lining up the bills
Making all the laws it takes to cure your ills
Down the fiscal cliff, fall into the haze
Gladly we appropriate ourselves a raise
We've been in negotations
It's hard trying to be nice
Obama says "I get that"
Everything else has a little price

[the American people]
Speaker of the House, cooker of the books
Differ by degree, but we know they're all crooks
Larding up the bills, setting up the votes
Let them talk to lobbyists, don't rock the boat
Everyone should watch the Congress
Every kind of rule they bend
They do whatever pleases
Yeah, we wanna kick them in the end

Speaker of the House, leader of the pack
Ousted when the other party takes it back
Welfare for the poor, tax cuts for the rich
Gringrich told his mother "Hillary's a bitch"

[Newt Gingrich]
That was one successful contract
Coming from the Gee-Oh-Pee
I'm no longer on the back bench
Hey there, I'm the boss of all I see

[Carl Albert]
Driving around, I crashed my car
Side of the street, next to a bar

[Tom Foley]
In 'ninety-four, I lost my seat
One sitting Speaker down in defeat

[Jim Wright]
Tried to sell my book
Said I crossed the line
No charges overlooked
Until I resigned

Bills we do not write, bills we do not read
But we pass them anyway, so you must heed
Fishing by a bear, studies on a rat
Filling up the spending bills with this and that
Citizens are more than welcome
Tea Party or Occupy
Wingnuts from the fringes
Don't look now, but Bo(eh)ner's gonna cry

[the American people]
Tax us for the trees, charge some extra fees
Two percent for gassing up our Ess-Yoo-Vees
Doling out the pork, never make a cut
Hoping that the people will keep their mouths shut
When it comes to back-room dealing
There's a lots of tricks they know
Deficit increases, more than bits and pieces
See there, it's amazing how it grows!

[Boehner & congresscritters]
Speaker of the House, Leaders and the Whips
Gun control and budget, we must come to grips
Food stamps for the poor, tax cuts for the rich
Nothing they can do about our spending itch
If you don't like what we're doing,
We'll take everything you've got

[the American people]
Dirty bunch of grifters
Brother, what a sorry little lot!

[Nancy Pelosi]
My dad and bro were mayor of Baltimore
And I am diff'rent from all Speakers gone before

Speaker of the House, I have been the first
Woman in that office, and for more I thirst
People on the right really do not care
Bo(eh)ner has the gavel, but it won't stay there
Phonies and their astroturf have given us this squirming mouse
With the people's blessing, I'll again be Speaker of the House

Speaker of the House

Pass this bill, we must

[the American people]
In the Constitution, where?

Are you serious?

Welfare for the poor, tax cuts for the great

[Tip O'Neill]
Some have even called me an inebriate

Now we celebrate the Speakers
Everybody, let's get soused

[all the above-mentioned Speakers]
Everybody raise a glass

[the American people]
Right up their collective ass

[all of the above]
Raise one finger in salute to the Speakers of the House
Some historical notes: Newt Gingrich's mother revealed his opinion of then-First Lady Hillary Clinton in an interview with Connie Chung. In 1973, after President Nixon appointed Gerald Ford to succeed Spiro Agnew as vice president, but before Ford was confirmed by the Senate, then-Speaker Albert crashed into two parked cars on a DC street. In the 1994 election, Tom Foley became one of the few sitting Speakers to lose his seat in the House. Jim Wright resigned over ethics charges pertaining to the money he made from his book sales, the charges being brought by Gingrich. Nancy Pelosi's father and brother, both named Thomas D'Alesandro, were each mayor of Baltimore. Tip O'Neill was reputed to occasionally partake of what are now called "adult beverages".

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 5   7

User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - January 18, 2013 - Report this comment
Spot-on pacing, great satire, thorough historical research and much greater variety of targets than in my version "a few years back" (March 2010).
Old Man Ribber - January 18, 2013 - Report this comment
Steve - Worthy of a Tony, a Golden Globe and an Oscar. Nothing "Miserable"'s all top notch! ;D
Patrick - January 18, 2013 - Report this comment
One of the best tunes from a musical filled with them. This is a parody masterpiece. You ought to send this to Capitol Steps. Loved every line. This deserves to be recorded.
John Jenkins - January 18, 2013 - Report this comment
While the original song is being sung in the “Les Miserables” movie, the production of sausage in the kitchen of the Master of the House is depicted as a very unsavory process. As this fantastic parody points out, the production of legislation in the chambers of most (all?) Speakers of the House is probably even more unsavory.

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