Song Parodies -> Siding With the Dark

Original Song Title:	"Dancing In the Dark"
Original Performer:	Bruce Springsteen

Parody Song Title:	"Siding With the Dark"
Parody Written by:	Michael Pacholek

First, imagine John Williams' orchestra has replaced the synthesizer part. Next, imagine Darth Vader, in full armor, doing the shoulder thing Bruce does to start the video, and using his unlit lightsaber as a microphone. Finally, just remember: We've now seen Anakin turn into Vader, and we realize that the incredible villain of Episode IV – the movie that most of us still call just "Star Wars" – is really nothing more than a stupid kid who was lied into the Dark Side, and knows he's nothing more than the Emperor's hit man, or errand boy if you will. Even in Episode III, pre-armor, he's dreaming of toppling Palpatine – Remember Obi-Wan's question? "Your empire?" – and knows he has no chance, until a generation later, when he sees how strong the Force is in Luke. If Darth Vader was half the badass we thought he was in Episodes IV and V, he would have decided to kill the Emperor as soon as he found out Padme was dead – or die trying.

I'm coming in the evening
and there ain't nothing you can say.
I'm gonna stop your breathing.
Or I'm gonna kill you some other way.
I'm serving Empire.
'Cause I'm a Dark Lord of the Sith.
Hey there, baby
what do you mean this is just a myth?

You can't use light-saber
you can't unless your bite's worse than your bark.
They call me Darth Vader
ever since I've been Siding with the Dark.

Messages came while I'm dreaming.
First my Mom got wiped out in that desert place.
Now I hear wife Padme screaming.
Wanna change the way things work in space!
And I ain't getting nowhere!
And all I can do is stand and gulp!
Palpatine played on my fear.
This ain't fiction, I turned Windu into pulp.

You can't use light-saber
you can't unless your bite's worse than your bark.
They call me Darth Vader
ever since I've been Siding with the Dark.
You sit around getting bolder.
Kill the Jedi! The kids, it's up to me.
Planet lavas and smolders.
Got blasted by Kenobi!

Still in this suit of armor.
And I'm still carvin' folks up, all right.
I'm meaner than Dean Wormer.
Hey sonny, come on and join your Daddy tonight!
I put Luke in traction
on the planet with city in a cloud.
But he's got peaceful reaction.
I gave you an ending of which you're proud.

I used my light-saber
messin' 'round, tryin' to heal my broken heart.
They called me Darth Vader
ever since I was Siding with the Dark.

The Imperial stalker
no more is your little world fallin' apart.
The new/old Skywalker
no longer am I Siding with the Dark.
No longer am I Siding with the Dark.
No longer am I Siding with the Dark.
No longer am I Siding with the Dark.

Hey baby!

Darth Vader? He's not 50 Cent, he's Elvis: Episode I is "Love Me Tender." Episode II is the '68 Comeback Special. Episode III is Vegas, the Jungle Room, shooting out the TV and realizing that, while he's the King, the Colonel is the Emperor. Episode IV is a roots-rock revival – "A New Hope" – thanks to Bruce, Billy, Elton and the Eagles, in spite of the Dark-Sided disco; as Yoda would say, "Seductive it is." Episode V is his sordid death and all those impersonators (the real "Attack of the Clones") after 1977. And Episode VI is the Eighties and after, when he's redeemed by his family (Luke and Leia/Priscilla and Lisa Marie).

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Charlie Decker - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment

This is terrific. Too bad I've already used my favorite Vader line "Impressive. Now release your anger!" as a comment today, because it fits this one to. The fours are weak with this one, it's strong in fives...

alvin rhodes - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment

brilliant

Rick C - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment

Funny stuff, MP. I like the "meaner than Dean Wormer" line.

Michael Pacholek - May 27, 2005 - Report this comment

May John Vernon, who played Dean Wormer in "Animal House," the Mayor of San Francisco in "Dirty Harry," and Mr. Big in "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka," and who recently died, rest in peace.

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Song Parodies -> Siding With the Dark

"Dancing In the Dark"

Bruce Springsteen

"Siding With the Dark"

Michael Pacholek

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