I was in bed this evening
Having fun with my boss's wife
I planned to stay until morning
Until I heard his car in the drive
I got pretty damn frightened,
Man, I got scared so I took a leap
Now I'm hanging.
Waiting for him to go to sleep

I've got no attire,
I've got no attire; see my bare arse
My straits are dire
From a balcony, dangling in the dark

My johnson's just started itchin'
Mojo's gone and I'm staring into space
I'm being stalked by a pigeon
Having great fun pecking at my face
All I wanted was nookie..
Now I'm suff'ring with two aching wrists
My boss is built like a wookie
If I'm found, he will be p***ed

I ain't no conniver,
I ain't no conniver, just one dumb shmuck
I need MacGyver
He could save me from dangling in the dark

She's acting coy like Liv Tyler,
Now he knows something's up so he starts to freak
He's gone to get his rottweiler,
Oh my lordy, I'm up s**t creek!

Just one way out, and it's down
Those thorns and cacti look sharp alright
But his mutt's probably hungry
And crikey, there's vast amounts of me to bite!
I just wanted some action
I drank too deeply from some other fella's cup
I could end up in traction
Or on Jerry Springer getting beat up

I've got no attire
There's a crowd, and cars have begun to park
I've no desire,
Lost it while I've been dangling in the dark
I've got no attire
I can hear the sirens of a fire truck
My straits are dire
From a balcony, dangling in the dark
I would rather be tangling with a shark
Even getting a mangling from a truck
This is misery, dangling in the dark

Heysave me!