Where has all the good food gone, and where's my favourite teach?
Where's the breaktime hercules to do my work for me?
Isn't there a college somewhere I can go in peace?
Why did I chose sixth form when it's the lamest there can be?

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero till the end of the year
It's got to be F
Or a G or a U
And then i'll be out for this term
I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero till the end of the day
Coz i'm not trying hard
And i'm not working fast
And i'm not taking exams in May
I'm failing today

Somewhere after midday, I dream of flunking art
English, maths geography are lessons that i'm finding hard
Failing with my blunders and falling to an E
It's gonna take a super-flunk to make them take defeat

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero til the end of the week
It's gotta be bold
And it's gotta be fat
And it's gotta make me the school freak
I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero til the parent's night
It's gotta be wrong
And it's gotta scream 'NO'
But i'll have to admit i'm not bright

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero til the end of lunchtime

I'll hate the teachers if they say that i've passed
Or if they say i've got an E
I can try and do zilch but the teacher's watching me
Through the maths, the DT and the pain
And the Science as well
I feel ill and approach like a wire in my blood

I need a zero!
I'm holding out for that zero til the end of exams
It's gotta be wrong
And i'll state all the facts
"Wasted time watching TV programmes"
I need that zero
I'm hoping i'll get a zero when the grades are read out
I'm gonna be cool
And i'm gonna be calm
While my teachers and parents freak out

I need a zero
I'm holding out for a zero until quarter to nine