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Song Parodies -> "Oscar Gown"

Original Song Title:

"Allentown"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Oscar Gown"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Presenting the 9th Annual Bjork Awards for the worst in Oscar fashion.
(instrumental opening)

Well, I'm looking at an Oscar gown.
Should've closed the textile factory down.
Loser, Hilary Swank for 3rd time.
Silver feathers
not looking fine.

Starred in film set in the Second World War:
Colin Firth, a nice tuxedo wore.
But Helena Bonham Carter, ew!
Did Tim Burton
design it for you?
And she's wearing awful Oscar gown.

The giant white doily sure made me frown.
Melissa Leo, throw it
away-ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay...

Ay-hey...
Oh-whoa...

Well, I'm looking at an Oscar gown
that Mila Kunis should not have thrown around.
Lavender, got no get-up-and-go.
Would be bad on real
"Seventies show."

Cody Horn, the paper stuck to the wall
became dress you wore to Oscar hall
with accessory I did not love:
Fingerless
opera-length gloves!
And it's a horrifying Oscar gown.

Even Nicole Kidman is making me frown.
That dress looks like a shell found on beach
today-ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay...

Ay-hey-yay-yay...
Oh-whoa...

Florence Welch, she had a pretty good shot
to look at least as good as Raquel Welch got.
Something happened on the way to that place:
She put on tasseled thing, it's such a disgrace...
Hey-yay-yay...

Ay-hey-yay-yay...
Oh-whoa...

Well, I'm looking at an Oscar gown.
Celine Dion, she put her new twins down
but should not have worn that dress
today-ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay...

Ay-hey-yay-yay...
Oh-whoa...

And it's getting very hard stay
ay-yay-yay, ay-yay-yay-yay-yay
while I'm looking at an Oscar gown!
Seriously, Helena, that black strappy thing, that frizzy hair and those shades? The real Queen Elizabeth (the Queen Mum to my generation) wouldn't have worn that at any age, from 12 to 101! And I couldn't even work into the song that white feathers on top, black on bottom monstrosity that Virginia Madsen was wearing. I think her brother Michael Madsen needs to hunt down whatever "Species" designed it! But, to be fair, let me salute some good ones, including some past "zapees": Host Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Hudson looked good in red. So did Scarlett, or should I say Magenta, Johansson. Helen Mirren looked queenly in gray. Unlike Celine Dion, Penelope Cruz has bounced back VERY nicely from a recent baby, with a floor-length red gown that, uh, showed off her dairy. Reese Witherspoon was again a worthy favorite of Arwen's. (Remember? A few years back, Arwen said, "Oscar fashion is my thing.") And Hailee Steinfeld of the "True Grit" remake -- "Body by" Jake Steinfeld is her uncle -- is just 14, and yet her gown was very nice and completely appropriate for a teenager. Miley Cyrus, take note!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 3.5

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - February 28, 2011 - Report this comment
Michael - (singing to the tune of Donovan's "Sunshine Superman") "Seems the late Mr. Blackwell ain't got...nothing on you!". Do you think the Oscar Red Carpet fashions will ever be as tasteful as those at the Grammy Awards? Nice job! ;D

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