~

[Chorus of Nasal n' Adenoidal Muses]
OH-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh--OH-OUR-NO-SES!

[Hapless Male Co-worker]
UPWIND GIRL!
Scents you wear--all redolent of hurl!
There's no aroma that you haven't tried
Today your featured fust is 'Suicideâ„¢'
--whole office cried...

'Cause of UPWIND GIRL!
Favors fragrances from Stills By Earl®
That offal essence you call Minx Musk Tripeâ„¢'
Has got me searchin' for yer tail n' stripe
--it's űber-ripe...

[Nasal Bridge (heh!)]
In el-eVAtors
Floors LAter
We're DY-y-ing
Today she's AIRing
Meth-HERringâ„¢,
We're FLY-y-ing!

[Hapless]
My nose is *not* that tough
Raid-spray huffs
Mimic SNUF-fles of
UPWIND GIRL
Everywhere she walks she wafts RankSwirlâ„¢
Has got no use for French colloqui-als
And so her 'toilete' water's straight from bowls
--of 'trotting' trolls

[Chorus]
[GRO-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-OSS!
OH-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh--OH-OUR-NO-SE!]

[Upwind Girl, solo]
DOWNWIND CHURL!
Today I'm demoing Le Fetid Pearlâ„¢
And lookin' hot but want you guys to chi-ill
And so I'll do a daub of DudeMood-Killâ„¢
--by Necrophilâ„¢

[Upwind's Bridge]
And while I'm REEking
You're BEAking's main-li-i-ine!
Which turns your FREAking
Nose LEAkings blood wi-i-ine!

[Hapless]
I wish I could not smell
Her-fumed hell--
Fainting's swell near my
UPWIND GIRL
Think I'll mutate in her tox-ic world
Saw Michael Jackson take just one inha-ale
And now he's nose-less, pedophilic-pale,
--and pseudo-male

[Inspiring Geek Chorus]
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh 'EAU DE OH NO' !
OH-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh--OH-OUR-NO-SE!]


[Hapless]
UPWIND GIRL!
She's my Upwind Gir-r-r-r-rl !

[Upwind]
Always check weather vanes
'Round this Upwind Gir-rl !
I'll make ya hur-r-r-r-rl !

[Hapless (fading...)]
Wanna up-chuck my brains
'Round that Upwind Gir-rl
Why Upwind Gir-r-r-r-rl ?

[Upwind]
Better learn breath refrain
'Round this Upwind Gir-rl

[Hapless (softly, with last gasp)]
My Upwind Gir-r-r-r-rl !
You'd a' thought they'd arraign...
and so-
up - yours - gir-rl...