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Song Parodies -> "A Lover of Crust"

Original Song Title:

"A Matter of Trust"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"A Lover of Crust"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

One? Two? No, I’ll have Three More!

Some folks consider sandwiches art
And like Dagwood I’ll say that they hold a place in my heart
But I PRE-fer middle to end
If a party sub’s what you’re gonna vend

I’ve “clubbed” long enough to have learned
You’d better always watch the toaster or else you’ll get burned
And I’ll loud-ly make a fuss
‘Cause I’ve never been a lover of crust


Now I’ve eaten all around the big world
Ate bread and liverwurst and afterwards I almost hurled
Had Cubans once with Fidel
And I supplemented all my fat cells

Ask me ‘bout my worst sandwich day
I ate a Reuben with raw cabbage—I felt so betrayed
The sau-er-kraut is a must
On my German Rye crust

If tuna you’re pitching
Hope relish you’re ditching
And you’ll make me pout
If your technique leaves cel’ry out

Feel like you’ve got something to prove?
Because you don’t want Arwen leavin’, app-e-tite removed
Bologna is a safe bet
O-S-C-A-R’s not let me down yet

Here’s SOME advice I hope you don’t mind
When making PB-Js make sure that you use the right kind
Oh, TO Skippy I can’t adjust
I’m pretty choosey; I like Jif on my crust


For cold cuts that I love
I’d punch, kick, bite and shove
In the buffet line
Let me through and we’ll both be just fine

I’d like to think that I’m in control
Of course that doesn’t count the BLT that I just stole
But I had to; I’ll tell you why
‘Cause my deli chicken salad was dry

This love is tearing my life apart
I dumped my boyfriend when my 8th grilled cheese HE wouldn’t start
For French Dip I often lust
‘Cause the au jus always softens the crust

Not a lover of crust
Never been a lover of crust
Not a lover of crust

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   13

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - December 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Your parody makes me hungry for a sandwhich, and any food parody that actually makes you feel hungry is doing a damn good job in on honest opinion. So great job here Arwen. A few killer LOL lines to boot like "Cubans with Fidel" that was a pun I thought only of Jeff "Reuben" (Sandwich).
alvin - December 24, 2008 - Report this comment
i like what ya slapped together
Dee Range - December 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Supplement your fat cells? LOL Here's 555 extra calories
~~~~ - December 24, 2008 - Report this comment
. . . can't help lovin' that Spam on Rye !
Serafina - December 24, 2008 - Report this comment
Your parody made *me* hungry too, even at this time of the year...LOL! I loved it. Perfect 5-5-5.

May you have a wonderful Christmas! :)
AFW - December 24, 2008 - Report this comment
That "No Crust" rule..doesn't hold for pizza, does it?...clever idea, here..but, I'm sort of a crusty old guy..
Jeff Reuben - December 25, 2008 - Report this comment
You can go "clubbing" with me anytime, lol :) Merry Christmas!
Agrimorfee - January 08, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) The Earl Of Sandwich is happily smiling at you from heaven. 555
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 10, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) Nice layering of puns, a hint of sass, my hair curls at such parodying comedy. Funny clip, too!
Matthias - January 10, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) Delicious! See above!
tomario - January 10, 2009 - Report this comment
well you certainly thought out of the box on this one. A jolly good parody it is too. very good! 555
bobpiecheese - January 19, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages2) A parody all about sammiches - that's a new one. And an awesome parody it is, too! 555 for sure!
Below Average Dave - January 21, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) "Oh, TO Skippy I can’t adjust I’m pretty choosey; I like Jif on my crust" What a brilliant couplet, didn't miss an inch with this one, really good parody!
Glen S - January 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Who knew you could say so much about crust? Excellent use of the pacing and rhyme scheme of the original.
Jeff Reuben - January 23, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages) Still love it and agree with the theme completely (I'm not crusty).
Melanie Lee - January 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Cute stuff; some laughs. I give you credit for accenting your off-accents. I like the imagery. 5-4-5.
Invisible Boy - January 25, 2009 - Report this comment
I like your parodies, Arwen. I like the "point-of-view" you bring to them.
This one has lots of great lines and chuckles.
I admit, on the first read, I had a brief "Jeff Reuben moment" as well, but I know you two don't really know each other that well...
Arwen - January 26, 2009 - Report this comment
HOLY LAMENESS, BATMAN! I can’t believe I’ve taken this long to comment on this…or rather, to leave my thanks! I get it…I’m a loser. But you love me anyway, right? Right??

Matthias…Thanks a bunch…making you hungry was the goal after all!

Alvin…hee hee…thanks!

Dee…hey, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever! Thanks!!


Serafina…yea! Another hungry commenter!

AFW…ooooh, no way! I do love me some good pizza crust!!

Jeff…good to know! Meet me in Vegas one of these weekends!

Agrimorfee…phew…glad to hear it!! =) Thanks!

Luke…=) Thanks!

Matty…thanks again!!

Tomario…thanks very much!

BPC…Thank you! Sandwiches, in my opinion, are one of the world’s most perfect foods…they deserve an homage!

BA Dave…so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks!

2nz…I can say a lot of things about a lot of things. It’s a talent. =)

Jeff…hee! Glad that you still love it a month later!

Melanie…so glad I got a couple of laughs out of you at least!

Invisible Boy…on the contrary, youngster…(basing that qualification simply on your “boy” moniker)…Jeff probably knows me better than anyone else on the whole site…seriously. We’re pretty tight. We’re totally going to be partying it up in Vegas one of these days. Anyway…thanks for the compliments…I appreciate it! =)

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