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Song Parodies -> "Catherine's Thirty-Nine"

Original Song Title:

"The Longest Time"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Catherine's Thirty-Nine"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

For some time now, my home computer has been on the fritz, and the boss has been cracking down on my non-work computer usage. I needed a big reason to come back. I found one: A beautiful woman who doesn't have enough experience to be Vice President or President of the United States, and is hanging around with an incredibly elderly man, but millions would love to take her away from her goofball husband. Who could I be talking about? Why, today's birthday girl, of course.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
(Catherine's thirty... )
Catherine's thirty-nine!

Whoa, whoa, whoa...
(Catherine's thirty... )
Catherine's thirty...

If she said goodbye to me tonight
(whoo... )
that would still be more than just all right.
(ah, ah, ah... )
What else could I do?
(ah, ah... )
It still would be luck improved.
(ah, ah... )
And it's her birthday!
Catherine's thirty-nine!

Sure, I know my chance with her is gone.
(whoo... )
But my desperate love for her goes on.
(ah, ah, ah... )
She's still got Douglas
(ah, ah... )
in all his icky smugness.
(ah, ah... )
And it's her birthday!
Catherine's thirty-nine!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
(Catherine's thirty... )
Catherine's thirty-nine!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
(Catherine's thirty... )
Catherine's thirty...

I'm that voice that's crying in the hall.
(whoo... )
And the greatest miracle of all
(ah, ah, ah... )
is how I go on
(ah, ah... )
without her love to throw on.
(ah, ah... )
And it's her birthday!
Catherine's thirty-nine!

Maybe hubby won't live so long.
It's his birthday, too.
And I could be wrong.
Maybe I've been hoping too hard.
But I've come this far
and he's turning sixty-four!

Who knows how much further he'll go on?
(whoo... )
Maybe I'll be sorry when he's gone.
(ah, ah, ah... )
I blew my chances.
(ah, ah... )
She won't show how nice romance is.
(ah, ah... )
Not on this birthday.
Catherine's thirty-nine!

I had impure thoughts at the start.
I said to this chick
"Hold on to my heart."
Now I know the woman that she is.
She's wonderful so far
but she done let my hope fizz.

I don't care 'bout consequence and shames.
(whoo... )
I have been a fool for lesser dames.
(ah, ah, ah... )
I want her so bad.
I think she ought to know that
this year, I, too, will be turning thirty-nine!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
(Catherine's thirty... )
Catherine's thirty-nine!

Whoa, whoa, whoa...
(Catherine's thirty... )
Catherine's thirty-nine!

Whoa, whoa, whoa...
(Catherine's thirty... )
Catherine's thirty-nine!

Whoa, whoa, whoa...
(Catherine's thirty... )
Catherine's thirty-nine!

(repeat 'til fade)
Actually, she's celebrating the 10th anniversary of her 29th birthday.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
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 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   6
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jason - September 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Welcome back Michael. Great to see you here again. 555
alvin - September 25, 2008 - Report this comment
i bet she stays 39 a while...a la jack benny...fun singalong

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