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Song Parodies -> "Screams of Our Italian-ness We Rant"

Original Song Title:

"Scenes From an Italian Restaurant"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Screams of Our Italian-ness We Rant"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

For a Youtube performance by Billy Joel of the OS Scenes From an Italian Restaurant click HERE

"Bottles" came light, "Bottles" got dead,
Mishaps now "bottles" does decay. he's shred.
A bit unstable 'round the heat.
He was old familia face.
Through the eye - case for case.


We'll settle a debt, and settle it right,
May all depend upon your line of sight.
Us cheesers down at the ice plant,
In our Italian-ness we rant.

Stings on lame prey we know these ways,
Don't play as good mob, you got have good offense,
Keep sharp your knife, live a good life,
We lost Dutch long ago,
They'll lose weight, when starts the show,
Just can't keep it on ice after so much crime.

When they dismembered those strays bangin' out done that kill-age scene,
Engineered boosts, ledger packets, and fight crew teams,
Dropped a dime in the box sound the gong on that old Moe Greene,
Cold fear, knot tight, those neat Roman trick ten gauge fights

Bend the spaghetti then go pop "Euchre" Eddie,
He's the king out in Queens at the Palms.
Gliding around at the bar "Drop Down" like a rodeo clown,
"No Money's" sportin' a blinder,
Comin' back from a hit at old Cingue's [1] diner.
I never knew you could get any more from a knife,
Shirley. bendin' spaghetti will always be "No Money's wife.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-ohhh
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-ohhh

Then more spaghetti we're filled and we're ready we slumber 'tween seven and five,
Thus we incited a mannagge [2] we'd see like the fourth of July.
Everyone bled out like crazy,
Rendered back blow made much us dazy,
But ready to sever with sword those live bind to this life,
Oh, and there we were shavin' benders' spaghetti wise guys.

So we're on an escarpment with cheap vile culprits,
As we pray to our Saintlings from fears.
These pigs slaughter dead they brought with them dread,
They have slayed for a couple of beers.
They started the fight, and "No Money's" up tight,
Put them down for the count for light years.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-ohhh
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-ohhh

Oh they live with a style like cold ice their guile,
It's always a game with no end.
They had to outsource for more power of horse,
Who departed the mostest depends
It's "Our Thing" makes us mean, Italian cuisine,
Does just forever our back sides extend.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh...

Bendin' Spaghetti, we've had it already they're outnumbered 'bout seven to five,
Shoot them high lay them low, we're soon endin' the show.
Gore the rest with our knives,
The hood went all hacked up with greasers.
The rest these hood crews were kicked into pieces.
Gone are days knew that our oath binds in ways made us wise,
Now all they know is about bendin' spaghetti.
Tu talamore! [3] 'cause we've had it already,
So here we are sav'rin' bendin' spaghetti wise guys.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-ohhh
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-ohhh
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-ohhh

Don't battle with Feds, Don't doddle in fights,
Whatever kind of hood your in tonight
Us cheesers down at the ice plant,
With our Italian-ness we rant.

[1] Cinque: Pronounced Ching-way - Means five in Italian.

[2] Mannagge: going to war with a rival clan or family.

[3] Tu Talamore: Means shoot the works from an old Italian street game of throwing fingers and calling out the sum of the fingers thrown by two parties, otherwise known as "mora".

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   18

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - December 31, 2007 - Report this comment
always nice to get in a little spaghetti bending between acts of
Guy - December 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Unknown voter - Thanks for the vote - Wish you would have left a comment.

Alvin - No one, especially Italians like to fight on an empty stomach. Do some fightin' then gabagool and then go fight some more. You always see this sort of thing in the mob movies. I don't know what they like better - fightin' and killin' or eatin'. I think they do the fightin' to exercise off all that pasta that is seeping into their butts.
Andrew D. Lacroix - December 31, 2007 - Report this comment
No real comment, but I like your parody. I'll leave you 555 pounds of grated cheese to sprinkle over the spaghetti while the "Sopranos" plays in the background.
Guy - December 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Andrew - I think I'll set myself down with a nice New Year's bowl of pasta fazoo and watch my back side extend for a bit. The cheese will go nicely in the fazoo. Happy New Year and thanks for the comment.
AFW - December 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Me and da boise liked dis
Guy - December 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks AFW - Just sendin' out 2007 with a bang like the "Old Country" way. An' yous an' da boise keep a wadch on eege udders backs. And a Happy New Year! Been waitin' on Carmine's thoughts on this. Think he's bendin' some pasta right now and givin' his chins some good greasin'.
adagio - December 31, 2007 - Report this comment
good one, Guy. Good pacing. 5's
Guy - December 31, 2007 - Report this comment
Pat - Thank you much and Happy New Year to you. I was a bit surprised to see that this OS has only been parodied now a total of 15 times.
GG - January 01, 2008 - Report this comment
I'm a bit too scatterbrained this morning to concentrate and read while remembering the tune, so I gave you a Happy New Year gift of all 5s for historically great work plus making me laugh with the mob name of "Euchre" Eddie...! Let's sit around and eat an play Euchre then bust some heads, whaddya say? lol Ciao!
Guy - January 01, 2008 - Report this comment
GG - It's not perfect but it's our way. You seem to have an appreciation for things Italian. I like that and thanks for your comment and Happy New Year!
Matthias - January 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Always a fan of mafia humor.
Agrimorfee - January 14, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Buon giorno, mi paisan! Excellent word subbing all throughout, which is key for parody writing...I wish I read more like this. "Bending spaghetti", indeed!
Peter Andersson - January 18, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Mafia puns, your new favorite pasta-jm?
McKludge - January 19, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM- A tough OS to pace, tougher to me than WotEF. But I had trouble following the "grammar" of this, which meant it kind of lost some humor. But kudos for the effort.
Max Power - January 23, 2008 - Report this comment
Michael E Cormier - January 27, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Sounds like a Tony Soprano Production. Very inventive.
bobpiecheese - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) One of the few Billy Joel songs I don't know (my Dad owns the Ultimate Collection), but I can always appreciate a parody about the mafia ;) 555 bowls of pasta for you!
stuart mcarthur - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) brilliant and clever syllable-matching as always, Guy although probably more clever than humourous, and your masterful use of foreign language always flabbergasts me - 555
Invisible Boy - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Super job here paraphrase..."Why didn't I come to this sooner"
Phil Alexander - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
What Stu said... still, at least no horses' heads to wake up to ;-)
Kristof Robertson - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A glorious slice of mob Stu said, more "insanely clever" than LOL funny, but a blue-ribbon work nonetheless. 555
Below Average Dave ( - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I think this one was a well written parody, but no real clobber lines, very epic write of a song that really needs to be hit (what a elevator worthy OS that was). . .all and all good.
Jack Wilson - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
Jeff Reuben - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
Excellent job on a great OS. Good to see you back.
Mikey Squirrel - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM- While not exactly a knockout piece, this was was really well written, Guy.
EmiLoca - January 31, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Clever concept, clean finish. I liked this a lot!

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